Dear MIMsters: Why I Am Considering Leaving My Husband. Am I Justified?
We have been married for 8 years and it has been hell. My husband is the type of man who leaves most of the responsibility to me. I am considering leaving him. Am I justified?
I provide for the family, take care of the kids, even when I am hospitalized and still look for money to pay the bills from my hospital bed. Each time I try to confront him, it becomes a problem as he has never empowered me.
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I hustle by learning skills. I beg money from family members to do things for my immediate family, I have sold my pieces of jewelry, phone, and belongings which he didn’t buy for me just to provide for my family. If I try to save up money, he steals it from me.
I tried opening several businesses, the family depended on the businesses until it collapsed. I paid his debts because of the embarrassment they caused me. Recently, the house rent expired, the kids had stopped school for a session, and the landlord was embarrassing us, I had to relocate to the East so my family can help me.
My family rented an apartment for me and my kids, paid a huge amount of money to help me secure a job. My husband barely sends me money even when we are in a critical situation and he is called to send money. He would lie to my family and I, make a lot of promises that he never fulfills. I have been struggling to take care of the kids with the help of my family. For two years now, he has not come to see us.
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Recently, he has been calling to reunite with us and I told him that he can’t come and live with us in an apartment rented by my family. I told him to rent an apartment for us to live together and if he really wants us to reunite with us, he should give me money to start up a business. I knew if I let him come like that, I won’t be getting as much help I get now.
A lot of people help me because I am alone with the kids. If he comes back to us without doing the needful, he will come and depend on me again, which will cause a quarrel between us. Each time I ask him to step up his game like a man, it becomes a problem. He owes my family a lot of money. I have tried to encourage him to do something like a man to no avail, but he doesn’t care. If you ask him to involve his family for help, he won’t.
He keeps calling my family for help which I advised him is wrong so he doesn’t lose his respect. This whole thing is affecting my health, my BP. I have heartaches due to constant thinking and I don’t want to die before my time. Each time things become worse and my parents call him, he doesn’t pick and if he picks, he will make promises he won’t fulfill. Everyone now knows him as a liar.
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I have tried to cover up for him up but I am tired and I don’t know what to do.
When I gave birth and my mom came to visit, she used her money to buy foodstuffs for us paid for her traveling costs just to make me happy.
I am still young. At 32, I am emotionally tortured. I don’t know whether to quit because things are not getting better and he is not ready to change. When we were living together, he usually said that my four kids and I distract him from making money and that if we relocate and leave him alone, he will start making money.
Now we have left for almost two years, yet nothing. Most of the properties in the house were bought by me, I heard he sold them when my kids and I left. Pls, advise on whether to leave or accept him back.