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Dear MIMsters: Why My Husband Despises Me So Much

My husband and I met and got married in the United States. We have been married for 7 years and are blessed with two children (boy and girl). My husband despises me a lot. 

Prior to getting married, I already had my college degree, own car, own 3 bedroom house, and a good-paying job. He was new to the country and not as established as I was, but was doing okay on his own. He seemed ambitious and was running his own company or (so I thought).
Fast forward to 2 years after we got married, I was given an even better job.
My problem with my husband is that he started to slack off and seems complacent. He completely abandoned the company and barely works. He only does odd jobs and does not support the household. He has left the entire burden on me.
I have been struggling to provide for the family for the past three years while I have continually helped him to find jobs or encouraged him to go back to school to upgrade his skills, but he is flat out being lazy. His daily schedule consists of waking up each morning exercising, eating, reading, watching television, and walking around the neighborhood. It’s extremely embarrassing to have this happening.
I lie to people that he has a job, but I’m sure they know he is unemployed.
By God’s grace, I was given yet another promotion with even a pay rise. I honestly hustle like a man because I have no choice. Yet, he does not help with household chores unless I beg and plead with him to. Meanwhile, he has treated me very poorly during my two pregnancies and uses the children as an excuse, even though they now go to childcare during the day.
He has started verbally abusing me and has stopped my family from coming around, especially my mother who was helping me with the children. He has stopped me from going out and socializing with friends and insults anyone who comes around me.
His insecurity leads him to accuse me of cheating each time I need to spend extra time at work or travel for work. The better I do, the angrier he gets and the worse he treats me. He knows that I could pack up and leave tomorrow, but I’m hanging in there to make the marriage work, although it’s not easy.
The more God blesses my endeavors, the more my husband despises me. I have tried talking with his mother and he treated me even worse because she took my side. I don’t want to involve my family.
He is refusing to go for counseling or talk to a pastor. I am drained emotionally and I feel numb from the constant verbal and financial abuse. I have no more feelings towards him. I don’t hate him, but I don’t love him either. I am not angry, but I am not happy either. I’m just there. Only my children bring me joy.
What should I do?
3 Discussions on
“Dear MIMsters: Why My Husband Despises Me So Much”
  • Dear Minster,
    You said you don’t love him , so send him packing. You don’t need to be living with someone who despises you, contributes nothing to the family. You are even sending the wrong message to your kids about the role of a father in a family.
    You are married but single.
    Ask a lawyer on the procedure to move him out. Don’t let him know your plan.

  • Dear sister, the only person you can report him to is God, keep praying to God on this issue and I believe definitely he will change for Good. Endure and keep praying while God change him to the best. 2nd marriage is a sin unto God, and if u can’t still continue, then u have to stay unmarried. Stay positive. I see God working out the best for you ma.

  • Pack your load and run before he kills you. DON’T BECOME ANOTHER STATISTIC! It could get to physical altercations very quickly. I hate how they know you’re the only one bringing home the bacon yet at the same time resent you for it. So mind boggling. Leave o

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