If you would like to salvage what is left of your marriage after being rocked by infidelity, I’ll suggest that you read this article written by Ruth Houston.
Infidelity doesn’t always mean that a marriage has to end. It may be possible to salvage the marriage or relationship and get it back on track in the aftermath of an affair.
If your husband or boyfriend has cheated on you, the 8 steps below will help you lay the groundwork for saving your marriage/relationship without sacrificing your dignity or self respect.
1. Confront him with the proof and tell him you know about his affair.
Confront him with whatever proof you’ve obtained that he is, or has been cheating, and tell him you know about the affair. Notice that I said: tell him you know. Do not ask him if he’s cheating – it will only encourage him to lie. This means you must already have solid proof of his affair.
2. Tell him you disapprove.
Don’t beat around the bush. Let him know that you will not tolerate his affair. Make it clear to him, in no uncertain terms that what he’s doing is not okay and that you want it to stop.
3. Tell him to end his affair now.
Insist that he end the affair immediately. No long, drawn-out, extended goodbyes. He does not need to say goodbye face-to-face. He can call, e-mail, or write a letter to inform his mistress that the affair is over, and he won’t be seeing her again.
4. Insist that he cut off all contact with his mistress.
Be very clear that you expect him to have no further contact with his mistress. He should cut off ALL communication with her. No contact means exactly that – no contact – no e-mails, phone calls, no text messages, no personal visits with the Other Woman.
5. Let a cheating husband know what will happen if he doesn’t end the affair, or if he cheats on you again.
Make sure he knows there will be serious consequences if he ever has another affair. And be prepared to follow through. Meanwhile, get legal and financial advice so you’ll know what your options are, if the cheating should occur again.
6. Make a cheating husband earn your forgiveness.
Let him know that you are willing to forgive him, but that forgiveness will not be handed to him on a silver platter. Make sure your he understands that he needs to earn your trust and your forgiveness by his words and deeds from this point on. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for infidelity to happen again.
7. Seek professional counseling.
Engage the services of a knowledgeable marriage and family counselor – one who is experienced in dealing with infidelity. Studies indicate that couples who seek professional counseling are much more likely to stay together. If you cannot afford counseling, invest in one or more books on surviving infidelity (there are several good ones available) and read them together.
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog.