Dear MIMsters: Who Should I Take Sides With? Hubby Or My In-laws?
Please tell me who I should take sides with? Last year, hubby and I came to the states in order for me to give birth to my baby.
We stayed with his elder sister. Before his departure date, I had written down the list of things he needed to take home to his mum and sibling and even those his sis will be giving him to give to them.
Now on the night before his departure, I told his sister to give me the things she wants him to take and she said she was busy that she’ll bring them. So I left her to go arrange hubby’s luggage.
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We were doing the arrangement in our room and the door was shut, not knowing that she had brought the things and left them outside our room without letting us know.
After a while, we opened the door and hubby was telling me that it seems he was going to exceed the weight limit, she heard and started taking back the things she had kept there. He tried to explain to her that he didn’t say he wasn’t going to take them but she said that it’s obvious that “WE” do not want to take her things to her siblings and mum. And that was how the quarrel started.
Now, it was spoken in their language so I kept quiet, didn’t utter a word but kept telling my hubby to calm down.
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Hubby finally left and I stayed back with her for an additional 4 months. We had no issues but whenever I spoke with hubby, I would praise her, telling him how nice she has been to me and our baby and also telling him to apologise and make peace with her.
Seven months after the incident, they made up, my hubby called and apologised. I was so happy.
MIL came to visit me in my house after some months and told me that my SIL was angry with me because during the whole scuffle, I said nor did nothing. I was shocked and told her that, I didn’t want to have to pick sides because if I had to, I would have supported my hubby and she wouldn’t have liked that. She said okay.
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Now MIL has been here with me for more than a year after that incident. She repeated to me again that whenever my hubby is arguing with his siblings, I should caution him in the person’s presence so they won’t say I’m in support of him. I said nothing, just listened.
She said so many things like I should rather please his family than please my hubby and that if I don’t all my in-laws will hate me and she will be the first to start the hate.
Though hubby quickly came to my defence, telling her that he married me for him not for them and that any problem they have with him, they shouldn’t involve me. I got so mad that I started crying.
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You see why I didn’t want to bore you guys with the story? Now I am in a fix. I need to please my hubby at the same time, trying not to displease my in laws. Who should I take sides with?
Please how do you advice I go about it?
Hmmm. This is a delicate issue. You have to be wise. You can side your in laws in their presence and side hubby when they are not there.
Message.. If there is any problem just tell your man as usual “honey please calm down its well” dnt say more dan dis oo dnt try correct or take side wt him or anyone bt afta deir family argument kindly call ur man n talk to him simple ok. Ur hubby is rite ur MIL dnt hv any rite to interfer in ur home cus she still hv her own house to luk afta n not tryna put confusion in her DIL marriage to her son so dnt heed to her advice bt be calm/prayerful ok
Take sides with them in front of him and them and that should be after u and hubby must have discussed it so to allow peace reign before they tag u bad. Some inlaws tho’
U can pretendiciously side ur in laws in hubbys presence just for peace sake but it should be an agreement btw ur hubby and u
This is a serious issue u need to apply wisdom in dealing with them
Even if u take sides with them jst 2 please them,they will still be d ones 2 say u dnt love or respect their brother.U did d right thing by calming down ur hubby n not taking any sides.No matter what u do,u can’t please everybody.Jst do what will make u happy.For ur own good,dnt take sides in his family quarrell bcos they will always make up n whatever u had said during d quarell would be used against u
My dear just pretend to side them in there presence and later talk it over wit ur husband frm d write up ur husband loVes so he wil understand u, these inlaws wil nt give us bp
Seriously?Some MILs are something else.How could she give you that kind of advice?Anyways,I go with what Mon Gemini said
I’ll advise u dnt take side with either of them, once they start with their quarrel pls pretend ur busy inside or just luk for sometin dat’ll take u out frm them. Madam blood is thicker than water, if u keep siding ur hubby one day he’ll say u dnt like his pple. So use wisdom abeg.
Please nothing like pleasing them. Ur hubby married u and his happiness is top priority. I liked what you did by telling hubby to.calm down and nothing else.
since ur husband knows his kinda family n what dey want.he won’t b angry if u support dem in their midst.I dnt tink he would mind.n den support him wen he is home
pls dn’t need to intefer in their family argument, dnt take side with anyone, when alone wit hubby talk 2 him
Never take sides with anyone of them cos at the end of the day when they settle whatever u said will be used against u. Just be wise and try to calm hubby down that’s all.
Inlaw wahala hmmm it is well
Maybe next time you beg him to please leave or led him out by holding his hand.
Silent treatment
Pretend to take side with them even if hubby is right but when you go inside also talk to hubby to calm down but don’t ever try to rubbish his family before him cos once they find out my dear its called bye bye to marriage. Pls be wise and talk less.
No need to pretend be yourself stay neutral
Don’t ever pretentiously take any side with them, keep calming ur spouse down in such situations. Once u let them know ur stand through this act, they will all find their square root. But if u dare try to please them, they will still find another way to tempt u. For ur information, it’s a set up. Let them know u for who u are and never shift any ground.
Finally, make sure u stand ur ground in place of prayer and commit ur spouse to it too.Because once they fail in all their physical plans and antics, they will surely go spiritual against u. Make sure u commit ur spouse in it too, don’t do it alone but take the lead coz the attack is on u.
The Lord shall give u victory over them all.
You telling her to bring the luggage started the whole thing. You and your hubby should at first sorted his luggage to know if space still remain for additional luggage before telling her to bring hers.
You have to side your inlaws in their presence and talk to your hubby privately. And don’t always want to be too good by starting what you can’t finish. Always talk to your hubby about anything you want to do with his ppl or siblings Bcos he knows them better than you do. And again be wise and sensitive