It’s a well established fact that sex is a vital ingredient in a healthy marriage. However, for some reasons, couples, now than ever, complain about lacking or getting little or no satisfaction from it. Ironically, often times we are the very culprit jinxing things in the bedroom. Following are 11 top ways:
1. Too Busy With the Kids?
Isn’t it amazing that the most awesome product of a sexual union can also be a stumbling block in getting more satisfactory sex? While being a mother is the most amazing experience ever and no one is asking you to neglect your children for some ‘nooky,’ there’s time for everything. For instance, have you abandoned your bed to become a permanent fixture in your children’s room at night? If possible, send the children off to grandma so you can reconnect and fan the flames of sexual intimacy.
2. Off to bed too early
Now with the crazy schedules some of us have, it’s hard to think of anything else except going to bed once home. However, like for everything else that’s important, we need to take out time from our busy schedule. If week days are impossible, make your weekends count by having an early morning sex with your spouse.
Getting enough rest is very essential, but falling asleep before your spouse gets home daily will gradually mar things. In addition, a study by Women’s Health magazine shows that most women’s sexual desire peak around 11p.m. on Saturdays. This is a good reason to make sure you don’t turn in too early, especially on the weekends. With better communication while at it, you can both make it worth the wait.
Do you find yourself suddenly finding your sweethearts’ potbelly repulsive? Yes, he needs to hit the gym but you also need to get real. Watching shows full of unrealistically attractive people can make one have equally unrealistic expectations of one’s partner. Fantasy books like 50 Shades of Grey may spice things up at the initial stage but could also end up doing more harm than good. Instead of fantasizing about swinging from the chandeliers and waking up next to a hot hunk, learn to appreciate the hunk you chose to spend your life with while sweetly helping him see ways to look better.
4. The Love Affair With Your Phone
Yep! Many women are guilty of this – constantly on the phone, deeply engrossed with virtual chats using apps such as BBM or Whatsapp. If you’re always deeply engaged in such romance with your phone, it becomes hard for your spouse to break things up and get your attention. You don’t get to take any initiative in this regard either. So, do yourself a favour, put your phone away when you are together and get busy with each other.
5. No Exercise
What could be sexier than a well toned body? Apart from being more visually attractive to your spouse, studies have shown that women who engage in exercise are more easily aroused. Now, if getting your sex life back on track is really important to you, you’ve got enough reason to activate your gym membership.
6. The ‘Old Maid’ Look
We all know that men are very visual and easily moved by what they see. When we decide to become ‘old maids’ just because we are married and become too lazy about carrying out the rituals capable of presenting us as new brides, we’re getting it wrong. Every man takes pride in his wife’s appearance publicly and intimately. Even if you’re not a size 8-10, dress to suit your body size and make sure you always look good. You can also invest in matching underwear and lovely sleepwear. Also, you know that Shirley you rub at night as well as that tacky hairnet? Now, imagine waking up in the dark and seeing someone with a white face and funny hair? Enough said.
7. Low Hygiene
Hmm…apparently, a lot of women don’t quite take care of their ‘privates’ the way they should. Since we live in the tropics, take a shower twice daily and ensure you keep those special areas spick and span! Also, make an effort to smell nice at all times!
8. Too Cold for Comfort?
Perhaps, you’re so stiff that even on your best act, you both hardly get to sneak in enough fun. Some ladies are so uptight that their husbands are sometimes hesitant to give them a kiss, talk less of taking things further. Just relax.
9. Waiting for the Lead
Some of us ruin things in the bedroom by insisting ‘Oga’ must always initiate things. Well, sometimes the tables need to turn. Most men are more aroused when their wives take the lead and unlike women, they hardly ever say no.
Are you one of those who rave about how unromantic or unskilled your spouse is? Well, that may be a huge turn-off. Be romantic instead, not hesitating to try out what they enjoy too. Also, do little things that will make your spouse feel desirable throughout the day. These will definitely hit off some sparks as it builds into the night.
11. Keeping Mum
Discussions about sex are often evaded. Like most issues in marriage, it’s always best to talk about your sex life to discover ways to make it more fun. Communicate in bed too. Always remember your spouse may not realise there’s a problem unless you tell them. When you both become aware, the right platform to resolve hiccups is created.
Remember, if sex in your marriage is heading for the rocks despite individual efforts to savage it, you should both consider professional counselling immediately.