- Food On The Floor
Rug, what rug? From the moment your baby starts eating solid food, throw away that rug! You’d have to scrape food from the floor of your living room. And your kitchen. And your bedroom. Everywhere, actually. You live in hope that it will get easier, but it won’t. Until your child leaves the toddler stage, enjoy scrubbing those stains out!
- Public Humiliation
Toddlers are really good at this. They haven’t yet grasped the idea of boundaries, and will use this to humiliate you at every turn. They’ll tell your in-laws about your pubic hair, tell your neighbor when you’re having a poop, tell everyone at their daycare when you and your spouse have a small fight and every other private thing you can think of.
- Being Late For Everything
Remember when you just newly gave birth and you couldn’t get anywhere on time? Get ready for part two of that. Unlike a baby who can be easily carried, a toddler likes to walk by him/herself. All the way. Even if that takes 10 years, which is not unlikely when you factor in the time taken to stop and stare at every single stone and insect you pass on the way.
You can totally avoid tantrums. Yup, you can. After all, throwing tantrums is only for oyinbo kids abi? Wait until the day you’re leaving the supermarket and you can’t afford to buy that Ben 10 water bottle or that Barbie school bag, and your child decides he’s not going home without it while crying very loudly and rubbing mucus all over everything!
- Pockets Filled With Sticks And Stones
Toddlers love to collect things. Especially things off the floor that you’d rather they didn’t touch. These things will be picked up, analyzed, examined, and then handed to you for safe keeping. And don’t think you can just empty out your pockets when your child isn’t looking. You can’t. They’ll know. And They’ll cry.
Dirt is one of a toddler’s favorite things. They can find it anywhere, and everywhere. If you leave your toddler alone in a spotless dirt-free room for three seconds, you will walk back into the room to find your toddler, most likely naked, covered with dirt from head to toe. Of course, everywhere else as well will be decorated and you’ll never understand where all the dirt came from.
- Mucus On Your Clothes… and Skin
Mucus is pretty much a part of your family now. It’s makes it onto your family photo, greets you with a kiss every morning, and stares at you from across the dinning table at every meal. You can wipe your child’s nose every second but the mucus will find a way to be there. Sometimes, you’ll think you have succeeded only for it to reappear moments later.
- Early Starts… Except On The Days When They Actually Have To
Toddlers love to wake up very early in the morning. Throughout toddlerhood, your child will wake you by jumping on your face, breast or crotch. It will hurt. It will hurt even more when you realize it’s 5am and there is no way of convincing the toddler to go back to sleep.
Now, on the days when you need to go to church early or something, they take magic sleeping tablets at night and just refuse to wake up!