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Was I Wrong To Send A Friend Request To Hubby’s Friend’s Hubby?

Was I Wrong To Send A Friend Request To Hubby’s Friend’s Hubby?

I’m a 25 year old whose marriage is less than 2 years with a 10 months-old daughter.

Hubby has a married female friend who is quite close to him. In fact, they have been friends even before we got married at all and use endearments such as ‘sweety’ , ‘honey’, and ‘Shugah’ while addressing each other. Even the lady’s husband is aware of their friendship.

Initially, I complained, but he assured me nothing is going on, that they are just good friends and nothing more. It almost cost serious issues in my home, but I decided to let it be, telling myself God will judge them if their relationship is more than he is saying it is.

Sometime last year, I sent a Facebook request to the lady’s husband and the next day, hubby confronted me, asking if I was a friend to him or have ever seen or spoken to him. I was shocked and told him I sent the request innocently, since we were all trying to be cool with their friendship. That issue ended after I canceled the friend request.

However, just yesterday, hubby was telling me how the lady recently brought up the topic again and was still amazed that I could send her hubby a friend request. She said I was being childish for thinking since she is chatting with my hubby, I should also do the same with hers.

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The lady in question is 6 years older than I am, has two children and is currently pregnant with her third.

My question is this, was I wrong to send her hubby a friend request? Why is she still having that in mind after almost a year? Should I go to her office and talk it out with her and really understand her issue with me? Or should I let the sleeping dog lie. Note: They are not having any romantic relationship.

View Comments (51)
  • Hmmm shebi na friends things? So why is she getting worked up. If l were you sef l wont cancel the friend request. Dont go to her. Just leave her and face your hubby then tell your hubby you want that friendship to end since the woman is not ready to allow another woman to be her hubby friend.

  • U weren’t wrong my dear,since it’s a platonic relationship,is it not better they turn it into a family friendship were everyone would be involved?what is she afraid of.if na me,i won’t cancel d request.

  • I don’t see anything wrong with u sending her hubby friend request except there is more to it jst ignore her

  • Don’t ever think of confronting the lady, just let it be since you are very sure there’s no sexual attachments between the two of them. But me o.. I for no cancelthat frfriend request, abi what is good for the goose is good for the gander nau!

  • They are not having any romantic affair with each other or they are so good at it such that their spouses are being fooled or choose to be blind to it.I don’t see why you and her husband can’t chat but she and yours can.If I were you,I would ignore her but make sure I have her husband in all the social media outlets and we won’t be romantically involved.Mtceeew

  • I don’t believe them, why was she angry? It show she has something hidden. Poster you sound naive that’s why the lady is taking advantage of you. Be wise

  • Don’t rule out any romantic relationship for now, it annoys me when women make unnecessary excuses for their men. I advice you open your eyes so wide and watch all the events going on. If they’re both as clean as you believe they are, why are they bothered about a mere friend request, when they address each other as, honey, sweetie et al???

  • Madam pls dont make a fuss about it anymore but if I were u,i’ll resend that friend request and since they want 2 still b so close knwin fully well u weren’t comfy with it,i’ll turn it 2 a family friendship,it shouldn’t just be the both of them,let it become a family thing or let it be terminated totally

  • You made a big mistake to have cancel that friend request, If their friendship is clean what is the big deal of being friends with the hubby. This their so called friendship should be extended to all.

  • Hmmmmmmm,for me o,I will not cancel thee friend request,and i’ll confront her to know why it’s ok for her to be friends with my hubby,and why I can’t be friends with her’s

  • My husband and I don’t have friends outside each other as a rule, all friends became family friends after marriage. I think there is more to this relationship ho ha.Resend that friend request and invite the family for dinner. You will be shocked what you will uncover. It’s either he ends it or you all become friends. Who be mumu now.

  • did nothing wrong.if she is not ok wt u been friends with her hubby den she should b friends with yours.wats the big deal.

  • 1) Where you friends with the lady’s husband before sending the request? If you weren’t, you have no reason or stand to have sent the request.

    2) You can send the request when you’ve been very familiar with the husband to the notice of his wife and your husband.

    3) If they’ve been platonic friends before you even got married, there’s nothing attached! I call my close male friends, swεεt, dearest, boo, bae, even my ‘brothers-in-christ’, whom i’m close to.

    • Thank you so much Wande, you took the words right out of my mouth. Madam patience just bcuz ur ok wit dat rubbish doesn’t mean everyone shd,dats such a fake life

    • Madam Patience, are we sure you are not the lady being reported? Ummmh… Whatever friendship you have with the opposite sex once you are married, if it must continue without being misconstrued should involve your spouses.

    • Madam Patience, this your advice does not hold water at all! I sincerely suspect you are the one giving this woman sleepless night in her marriage, please stop it! This relationship is not platonic at all, there is more to it. Madam poster, shine your eyes.

  • Let’s call a spade a spade instead of a joker,u had an ulterior motive by sending. D man a friend request,u wanted to be chatting with the woman’s husband cos she’s chatting with yours which was very childlike,if u wanted a family friend thing u. Should have consulted your hubby first,since u knw they have nothing together then take a chill pill

  • If you’re looking to be family friends that’s not the way to go at it and you know. Are you looking for something else, let’s know the truth, then we can advise.

  • I agree with what Patience said. You already confirmed that your hubby n the other woman has been friends even before you got married. Her husband hasn’t shown any sign he has an ish with that. Since you and her husband don’t even know each other, what’s your basis for sending the friend request? Is it to compete with the other woman or your husband? What will you two be talking about?
    If really you want to make them friends of your family, you have to go through someone who is already friends with them which is your husband. Bottom line, your motive and move like the woman said is childish since its not (in my opinion) because you wanted them as friends but because u wanted the man as a friend since his wife is a friend to your husband. It just doesn’t work that way. Creepy!

  • How did d woman knew you sent a friend request to her husband since the hubby does not know u? Just a question?

  • It’s obvious that your husband and this lady are having an affair, if not why an issue over a friend request. Another thing is tell your husband to end that friendship with her, she’s obviously disrespecting you.

  • It was disrespectful for.him to hold a conversation with the lady a year later about the friend request thingy. Talk to him.about how you feel

  • As u hav cancelled d request just let it b. However,do not let them continue d friendship like that. Let it bcome a family friendship. Mak out time n ask hubby to invite his friend’s family to d house. Do it often. If he refuses,then firmly tell him to cut off from her. Which kind of personal relationship b that? Bt pls dont try establishing such relationship wit d other woman’s hubby. If ur hubby refuse to invite them n at d same time refuse to let d woman alone, do it self. Go to d woman n calmly xplain to her that u would lik d relationship to bcom a family affaire. Tell her u respect her relationship wit ur hubby n so would lik it xtended to d whole family. Tell her u would lov to know her hubby n kids better. If she refuses tell her to stay away from ur hubby. After all,if she is xpectin u to b cofortabl wit her n ur hubby bin friends she should nt feel otherwise about ur family n hers.

  • The lady’s hubby nd his female so call frnd are Ex-lovers who are still much in love, there must be a reason behind Dem not bin married ,dey r sure hidding sumtin,ders noting wrong in her sending him request, she shudnt hv cancelled it, why is d Oda lady not comfortable wt her bin frnd wt her husband jst as she is wt hers? Shine ur eyes Gal, in fact resend d request, jst know Dat u married a man whose heart is sumwer else…………

  • As 4 me there is Notin wrong u been Frd with her husband. Just as there is Notin wrong she been frdz 2 ur husband. Family Frd abi. Do me I do u God no go vex,

  • Arrant nonsense.For those who claim that she shouldnt hav sent a friend request to d hubby cos they are not already friends, is it not one day u become friends with somebody? are all yo social media friends pple u already knew before? madam, abeg tell d babe in a very STRONGGGGG VOICE to leave yo hubby alone, since she doesnt want you all to be friends, cos if she did, she would hav initiated a family outing siiiiiince tay tay.She cant be platonically rocking another girls hubby without d decency of making sure that d wife is very secure with dat relationship. And if it takes family dinners, double dates, etc, she should do it without being prompted.Thats how an innocent and genuine female friend acts.

  • i believe in God. Dear, you can’t keep your husband, only God can. Therefore , engage God. Intercede for your husband, he’s yours only. Break every ungodly relationship in the spirit realm, and see it manifest physically.

  • My take on this is very simple. If they were best of buddies before marriage, that friendship should take a back seat after marriage. if the friendship cannot involve both families fully, then something is wrong. Something is going on my dear. Wake up and smell the coffee.
    If your motive for sending a friend request to her hubby was to bring everyone together as friends, no wahala, if it was to send a message, then you are going about it all wrong. Like someone said earlier, shine ya eyes.

  • It is very disrespectful and unacceptable for your husband to be calling another man’s wife, honey, sugar and all those sweet nothing’s and vice versa. Don’t go to her office or her space to confront her. You have no business with the woman. To strike a blanace, you need to also have a platonic relationship with her husband. What you need to do is follow her husband on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp and every social media tool available. Like all his posts, retweet his tweets and let things progress from there.It is only a matter of time before everything becomes crystal clear. Please resend that Facebook request right away.

  • You are being fooled. Open your eyes wide.
    1) How did she immediately know that you sent a friend’s request to her husband?
    2) Why did she immediately report you to your husband?
    3) In a similar manner, why did your husband quickly approach you and cautioned you?
    4) Why is she over reacting to your move? 5) Does your husband allow you to handle his phone or access his communications with her and others?
    6) You have every right to question and/or suspect your husband relationship with the woman.
    7) Why is the woman refusing you to chat with her husband, when she’s doing everything with your husband?
    8) Similarly, why is your husband supporting the woman?
    9) Why should the woman control and direct your husband for you, when she doesn’t want any woman to come close to her husband?
    10) Arise and take your rightful position. Take charge of your husband as she’s taking charge of her husband.

  • This friendship should stop! It is now worth becoming a family friend anything, the foundation is questionable

  • My dear, nib this from the root now, not just facebook request, use all the social media means and become the husband’s friend, don’t forget to send friend request to her too.

  • your husband has no business calling his friend all those sweet names as you have no business sending a friend request to the lady’s hubby. Talk to your husband about it (if you are a christian, pray before you approach him) – let him understand you are not comfortable with the relationship he has with his lady friend. if he insists on being close friends with her, then he must include you. Let the three of you go out together, gist together etc. Except he is willing to sacrifice his marriage or the happiness of his wife for a friendship.
    Really i personally don’t understand when guys say they have close lady friends or best friends that is not their spouse. Really! If you are married, your best friend should be your spouse. A third party – male or female – always causes trouble.

  • That Madam patience and those other people like kelechi Owen, mudi etc are the lady and this woman’s husband using separate accounts to counter her here. Madam you have to be close to that woman’s husband via all social network, let the friendship begin and they shouldn’t see any ish in it, you all have to be friends. And no matter how close they were, after marriage, been mushy with names is a NO NO. What kind of shuga honey nonsense is that. Did I mention that this two are ex lovers who still love each other and maybe promised to always be close to each other. Dem dey use you do middle woman. Abeg investigate and do what you have to do. Be friends with that man. It’s your marriage, take charge.

  • I suggest you make friends with the woman, chat her up, get to know, visit her, propose to go places with her, if your hubby opposes then you’d be sure something is amiss. Other than that, you and hubby need a “heart to heart”, he can be friends with whoever just as you can too but YOU both ought to SET THE BOUNDARIES, you are married.

  • dear poster, pls watch compound fools. come back later and tell us whether the relationship is romantic or platonic..cos I don’t think u know what’s going on under our nose.

  • Dear poster, i really don’t have much to say but let me use my friendship as a good example! I have a male friend that we are still very close nd nothing in dis world can separate us, He is my confidant, my best friend nd all in all to me. Like pple are saying here, more dn enuf pple had confronted me on his issue too. He got married before me nd my marriage is over 6years nw! Pls be wise as serpent nd be calm like a dove. They may be a good friend with so much secret btw dem nd a woman will feel insecure having u as her husband’s friend…. So pls be watchful cos am telling u d truth abt myself, i believe so much in my male friend(Solomon) cos he has a lot of my secret wit him nd till date we ar still close. Pls be patient

  • Let the sleeping dog lie. God will expose them one day if there relationship is more than what he says it is.

  • I think dat woman’s children are ur husbands yes and d woman’s husband is aware becos he is impotent so involving u will expose everything.. If not how did d woman know u sent his hubby a friend requests.. Be wise very wise

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