Signs Your Child is Sexually Active

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Ameena Aliyu-Beighton

For most parents, sexual education is an awkward topic to broach, yet, we cringe at the very thought that our kids may be going beyond ‘first base’.

It’s important to note that at puberty, curiosity about sex is perfectly normal and indeed a healthy trait. What makes it bad and uncontrollable is when they explore these feelings without proper guidance.

So, what are those signs that may indicate your teen is at it? Signs do not always ring true for all. As with anything, teens react differently to sex. It all depends on what pushes them to take that plunge to go past ‘first base’. Is it pressure from friends doing it already, a need to fill a void of loneliness in their lives or in a bid to act out what they have seen?

To boys, sex is almost always about bravado, a symbol status or statement of achievement. This is not an inherent attribute but one borne out of an expectation that after a certain age, a boy should have had his first encounter. Girls, on the other hand, have it tougher as they are expected to retain a pristine image and at the same time, fall in line with the needs of a pubescent boy. Some girls are so desperate for attention and try to ‘fit in’ that they let a group of boys have sex with them, just to be the spotlight for the evening.

Bearing these in mind, here are a few typical signs your teen is at it.

1. Change in behaviour/demeanour. They tend to become more introverted or extroverted, depending on the type of personality your teen has. If they are using sex as a comforter, they could display periods of elation just after the act and vice versa for seemingly no reason.

2. Keeping tabs on you. They always want to know where you are and if they have enough time to complete the act. Let’s face it, if your teen is having sex, the last thing they would want is for you to catch them in the act. Luckily for them, their mobile phones make it easier to keep tabs on your movement.

3. Provocative dressing. Girls also tend to change how they dress. Having sex could give them a heightened sense of maturity and lead them to pay more attention to what they wear to feel and look more attractive or sexy.

4. More Secretive. Kids tend to become more secretive and illusive about their activities and phone use. Passworded phones or tabs and the use of coded language in their conversations are potential red flags.

5. Dropping grades. Some teens may now have less interest in school work and more interest in the whirlwind they are now trapped in. Lacking the mental maturity to deal with sex can overwhelm a teen and drive them to distraction, leaving them constantly thinking about where to have it next or how.

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6. Obsession with the mirror. When your daughter starts paying an usual close attention to her looks and also develops an unusual interest in the use of make-up, these may be credible signs. Pay closer attention.

7. Condoms/Contraceptives. If you get to find any of these items among your child’s possessions, not only could your child be sexually active but they are also equipped with the knowledge and tools to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies.

Considering the fact that today’s world makes it easier for kids to access their own information about sexual exploits, as a parent, you owe it to your child to tell them everything about the birds and the bees. Being too strict and totally regimented will not stop them from finding out for themselves, it will only make them a ‘pro’ at hiding the signs.

Talk to your children and help make informed decisions. You can tailor your talks with your kids to your beliefs. It is not impossible to teach your kids about abstinence as having religious and social benefits. Inform them of the perils of unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and the serious emotional pain they would have to deal with.

Ultimately, when you are an approachable parent, you will find that you will not need to break any codes by searching for signs.

Photo credit: hecticparents.com