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Dear MIM: Are These Reasons Enough To Quit My 2-Year Marriage?

Dear MIM: Are These Reasons Enough To Quit My 2-Year Marriage?

Please, I need urgent advice.

I met a young man who was my older brother’s friend. He was working as a junior staff in a bank until he lost his job few years ago. Before then, he wanted us to date but I refused, though I liked him. We lost contact, but later got in touch and he told me about losing his only brother and job. We started seeing each other later and decided to get married. However, my brother was against it. He warned me, but I insisted because I was already working as a contract staff in a financial institution, though my pay wasn’t much and I was ready to start a family.

While planning our traditional marriage, I requested that we kept it low-key to minimize cost but he wanted an elaborate celebration. Eventually, he had his way and we had an elaborate traditional wedding, exhausting all my savings as he had no means.

We subsequently rented a 2 bedroom apartment. I had to borrow the money to make the payment for two years. All subsequent expenses on the property were from the little money I earned, and few months after our marriage, we started having issues. By then, I was already pregnant.

I began encouraging him to start working no matter how little he was paid to relieve my financial burden but he wouldn’t listen. I soon found out he was into gambling. He gambles every penny I give him. He also steals from me to gamble. These things annoy me. Meanwhile, when I was still pregnant, I was always pleading that we would soon have a baby and what I’m earning won’t be sufficient to sustain all of us, still, he made no effort.

To cut the story short, we started quarrelling frequently. He told me that he was not going to accept any menial job but will make it via his gambling. I complained to his family members but they seemed indifferent. I then decided to let him be. Then, I had my baby and the bills got too overwhelming. I was constantly borrowing to keep up and got very frustrated. I raised the issue with him again and since then, we’ve been having quarrels again. Now I don’t know what to do.

I have been the breadwinner since we got married two years ago, yet, he tells his family members that I don’t give him food. This is a man that in fact eats the choicest and largest portions of whatever I cook. He recently stole the money I begged my sibling to give me to buy a quarter bag of rice for our use at home, and when I confronted him, he said he did because I refused to cook any meaningful food, that he used the stolen money to eat. I was enraged because he knows I only cook such food when I am very broke. Is it not his responsibility to provide for us? I am still single-handedly paying debts for our 2-year house rent and he knows.

His mother is also now complaining that I am not taking good care of him, nor her; that I don’t give them money as if I am their God-sent provider.

Since my baby’s birth, I have been the only one providing for her, even all the hospital bills. I am just tired of the marriage and want to leave. Already, my family members want me to leave and face my future. He has also told me he doesn’t want me again, that I no longer exist to him and can go if I want. His accusation now is that I don’t love him because he has no money, or has not made money yet. I’m just so confused right now. Truly, I am no longer interested in the relationship. Should I quit? Please I need sincere advice.

View Comments (15)
  • Please quit and leave that low life of a man alone mtschew. What nonsense? Making you the bread winner as if that’s not enough, insulting you and frustrating all your efforts in return. Well you caused it, if only you had listened to your brother, you won’t be in this mess of a marriage. However, this is not time to apportion blames. You need to up and move my dear and stop taking this shit from him.

  • You were desperate to become Mrs Somebody and ignored very vital points. Your husband and his people also saw your desperation and cashed in on it. A man that’s into gambling is not different from a drug addict as he would do anything to get money to gamble. The decision whether or not to leave lies with you as you are the one wearing the shoes

  • He tryna blackmail u by sayin u dnt love him again bcos he has not made money….u r already a single mum so d choice is in ur hands…u knw wat is gud for u.

  • I believed ur bros knew his person dts y he insist u shouldn’t marry him whatever pls let him be for now he just wants to render u useless

  • Run for your life. This man is not responsible besides gambling is a sin, pray for him, only God can change him, but leave that man.

  • WHAT? I HAVE NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE HEARD OF THIS ONE. AND SHE WAS WARNED BY HER BROTHER. THANK GOD SHE STILL REMEMBERS. why on earth should a lady use her own money to marry herself?. I am speechless.

  • My Sister, if you want to leave you may but I don’t advise you to do so. I don’t know whether you’re a Christian or not but I am and I know that in Christianity, marriage is for better for worse. You should know that you are not married to an angel so obviously your man is allowed to go through hard times. Going through trials is associated with various reactions which ordinarily are not the individual’s nature. If you loved him before, you should rather be praying for him and helping him come to his senses. I believe you think that he should have realized how well you have tried right? Well, you are wrong! The Bible says both the will and to do come from the Lord not by one’s own strength and will. Therefore, it will take the grace of God to change him so do your best to show him love but also petition the Lord with him and on his behalf. I plead with you to be a missionary of Christ to him expecting nothing more than pleasing the Lord. Do not take the easy way as many are suggesting for broad is the way that lead to destruction and many are those who trod it. I know you are not also an angel so I know you have also done and said things that hurt him too so go back over how you have conducted yourself as a wife and try to be a very good wife as you would be for Christ. I think your husband still loves you . I’m judging by him saying you don’t love him because he is poor. Do not let him and God down

    • Pls you are right. She can work on the marriage but don’t make it seem like she is wrong. What else can she do. Who says she might not have been a good wife. Some wives won’t even give a dime in marriage. She has tried. If you have lived with a lazy man before you would understand

  • My dear, I’m so sorry to hear that. Your husband is a pathologic gambler. He needs help. Try to encourage him to get help. As for providing for the home, it is his responsibility. But for now, unless the gambling is dealt with first, I doubt anything will change.
    Also, Pls pray. It’s unfortunate you didn’t realise this before marriage. There is no point crying over that now. Deal with the problem. And u need to be firm about him finding a job. He must provide for you and the baby.
    Don’t forget to pray. God hears us when we do!

  • My dear until you catch him in adultery you can’t leave him. But I am surprised his mother had the guts to say you are not taking care of her. Forgive me but that family you entered is full of immature people and you have to face it. But you made a terrible mistake. The odds were right before you but you ignored them. He showed you his attitude but you ignored it. Asking for an advocate wedding and you renting an apartment for the both of you is overboard. You did not teach him to be a responsible man so that is what he is used to but the music must change. When you get your salary buy your babies things firat and some food stuffs. Leave the rest of the money in the bank. When the food stuffs finish just tell him there is no money and stand by it. When he realises there is no food, he will start thinking. It’s you that has caused all these. You were the bread winner and he still sees you as such. I know a lady who went through a similar case but it was just that she felt her man was not putting in much effort. This man in question was even doing his best but became relaxed.she stopped providing so there were days they would both sleep like that. She did not want to hurt the man but wanted him to realize his mistake without causing argument. Eventually the man came to his senses. Just atand on your ground and let him be a man. But don’t fight him. And do it prayerfully with no bitterness. This would require sometime so don’t expect an instant miracle. All the best

  • Pls don’t let anyone deceive you in the name of religion. The Bible says we should be wise. He is a sociopath he cannot change. Think about the future. Your child will go to school and that is money. Run now you still have chance of remarry. Run now!

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