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Dear MIMsters: Am I Dating The Wrong Guy?

Dear MIMsters: Am I Dating The Wrong Guy?

I am so confused at the moment and don’t have friends to talk to.

I am 29 years old and presently dating a guy who studies abroad and wants to meet my people by December. However, I am not so excited about it. First, this guy is not near the mental representation of who I have always wanted my husband to be – he is not physically attractive, and speaks very terrible English. I understand we are all learning and not perfect, but my guy would call wristwatch ‘richwatch’, asunder ‘assundance’. In short, he cannot make a correct sentence without very obvious mistakes even with his third degree. Bearing in mind that no one is perfect, I overlooked these flaws though I’m not happy about it.

However, my main concern is his attitude. I think he is too arrogant. When we have a misunderstanding, he doesn’t initiate reconciliation. He finds it very hard to apologize. When he does something to me and I complain and ask him if he would be happy if I do same to him, he would say he’s a man and I am a woman. He says things like, ‘you don’t have the liver to get angry with me’. He always says he’s a very principled man, adding that if there’s anything he doesn’t like in me and cannot correct, he will call off the relationship. He advised me to do the same too.

Since we started the relationship in January, he has called it off twice. On the first occasion, he said I didn’t tell him on time about an application I paid for. I intentionally did that because I didn’t want him to stress himself paying for me because he’s still studying. When I told him afterwards, he called it off saying I’m not straightforward. I had to explain and beg before we continued.

The second time was when I was sick and my phone was off for 3 days. He only came online and called my name without asking what happened. I was sad when I came online 3 days later to see only my name. He insisted I must explain why I intentionally decided to put off my phone for 3 days. I said I would not explain until he asks what happened to me that made me go offline and he said he’s too big to ask such a question. That was when I told him he’s arrogant and full of himself. Again, he called our relationship off, saying he doesn’t want a wife that will be insulting him. I had to beg again.

Now, we are not on talking terms because he wanted to see my breast through video call and I declined. I am a virgin and believe I should be whole in full and not in part. He got angry, accusing me of being a disobedient and stubborn future wife. He insists I apologize sincerely, even after I have casually said I am sorry just for peace’s sake.

I have refused to ‘sincerely apologize’ and he has stopped talking to me. Please, advise me on what to do. I don’t want to rush into conclusion since in the time past, friends have accused me of being too selective and temperamental.

View Comments (23)
  • My dear sister, u know the answer to ur question. You are actually walking into ur grave. You better cut all forms of communication with that man n end it for good. U r not happy with the relationship n with all u hv mentioned e no get the tin wey good for the guy body. Especially the fact that he does not treat u like u matter…he expects u to chase after him and apologize all the time. My dear u better check out. N Pls do not be fooled to think u r too old n desperately get urself hooked to misery. A word is enough for the wise.

    • Well said. Poster, ‘GBA lo oso’ i.e run for ur life and don’t ever ever do a nude video for anyone. It can be used to black mail or shame u and ur family. Good luck girl

  • What are you still doing with him??? Call off the relationship. You are setting ypur is lf upbfor a bad marriage.

  • My dear it is very obvious you are dating the wrong man. If your relationship is like this, how then will your marriage be. Please a broken relationship is better than a distressed and heart broken marriage.

  • Hmmmmm….thank your star that you are not married yet, this type of man will not change o, but if you want to go ahead go, its your cross, you have to carry it well

  • Think, think, think dear…
    You are getting into a life-long contract. It ain’t a child’s play.
    If he is just what you described him to be, then, I advise you to seek God’s face fervently and seek for a good dose of counselling.
    Best of luck!

  • Please forget that man. You may never be happy if you end up with him. In addition, please drop whatever baseless and unreasonable mental picture of type-of-man you are having and come back to the earth, and be realistic. You’re 29, by now you are expected to have left fantasy world long ago! For your friends to have accused you of being selective in the past, I can bet that you must have really been selective with men, like it’s “okirika” market.

  • your mind,body and soul knows the answer you are seeking but you dont want to listen to your self because he live abroad. oya na proceed no be abroad u go chop o.

  • Yes you are temperamental and 2 temperamental people can’t make a good and lasting relationship. And yes you are dating the wrong guy

  • Abeg move on Oooo. A man who can’t admit his mistakes when dating would be worse of in marriage. But you can sincerely talk to someone he respects so he would understand his attitude is bad. Even if he accepts watch him well but with his attitude I doubt he can make a good husband. Hmmm

  • dear poster, if you are my younger sister and you come home to tell me all of the things stated above, i would sincerely look for a proper cane and flog you . WHy do u need anyone to tell you to dump him before u do? by the time u get married to him, he will say u shd lie down on the floor so that he can use u as his footmat. Abeg, pack ur slippers abi na shoes and pick race……….. future husband ko, future husband ni. the Lord will connect you to the right man ijn or is it becos he is abroad?

  • The best is to call it off, sometimes our ladies so much believe in this “abroad mentality”
    A working class guy is by far better than the abroad hubby who finds it difficult to visit his motherland just because he’s looking for good life which made him to be illegal immigrant.
    You had better run for your life.

  • My dear, life is choice oooo, the destiny of your marriage lies on your shoulder oooo, if you want to enjoy or suffer in marriage, it depends on who you choose to live with ” For Life”…..

  • hmm. Na wa o. you are seeing very clear signs and still asking whether you are dating the wrong guy. what is wrong with us ladies sef? He’s feeding you shit at this stage, when you now marry him, he will immerse you into that shit.

    you don’t need any advice. your heart has already advice you but you are living in denial.

  • it’s quite obvious that ur about to get married to a boy and not a man. if ur descriptions are true then i think u need to get ur shit together and ball outta the relationship b4 it’s too late. Else u good have to live with him for the rest of your life. u need someone who’ll treat u like a woman. wait sef…i might need to hear from the guy as well

  • My dear, you are dating the wrong guy oooo. And you are forcing yourself on him by always going to beg whenever there is a misunderstanding. You are acting so desperate and that’s why he is treating you the way he does. Leave him for good else u may not meet the right guy as long as you keep being in that relationship

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