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Dear MIMsters: How Do I Stop My Husband From Blackmailing Me With This Shameful Secret Of Mine?

Dear MIMsters: How Do I Stop My Husband From Blackmailing Me With This Shameful Secret Of Mine?

How do I stop prevent my husband from blackmailing me with this secret only he and I share?

I met my husband when I came back from Germany in 2000. We dated for three years and got married in year 2003.

We never talked about age until we both realized the relationship was getting serious. He was the first to tell me his age and I told him mine too. We both realized that I am one year nine months older. When he knew I was older, he cried like a baby that day. I patiently waited for him to decide. The third day, I checked on him, we talked things over and he claimed he loves me.

After two years, his family met mine and we fixed a date for the wedding – we got married a year after the introduction and the battle started – no child for eleven years.

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Within these years, life was miserable for me. We did series of laboratory tests and it was discovered that he had low sperm count and that I had a small fibroid. He was placed on some drugs that boosted his sperm. He was going for check up regularly. The sperm was boosted to some extent, but we tried to get pregnant naturally to no avail.

The music changed because I couldn’t get pregnant. He was treating me like a piece of rag. Along the line, somehow, he impregnated a lady. I was emotionally tortured. His sister then came to me, saying that if I don’t get pregnant within a year, his brother would marry another woman. I had not found out someone was already pregnant for him then. They wanted me out of the marriage at all cost. Despite all, I stood my ground until I got to know someone else was having his baby.

After said and done, I tried to forget what had happened and God kept my home. Still, no pregnancy. I decided to go for surgery, even when the Doctor said where the fibroid was can’t hinder conception, I went ahead to do the surgery. It was then the Doctor discovered it was adenomyosis, that I can’t be pregnant naturally.

SEE ALSO:Dear MIMsters: My Marital Problems Started Soon After I Got Pregnant

We tried IVF but it failed. My husband then suggested adoption. He said I should pretend for that nine months that I am pregnant, not knowing he had reason for suggesting adoption. Reluctantly, I agreed with him. I started packing myself like a pregnant woman. When it was eight months, I relocated to northern part of Nigeria. We went to an orphanage home and we were able to adopt a two day old baby boy that was dumped. After three months, I came back to where we live.

Meanwhile, for five years, before this adoption issue, my husband has been living in Plateau State and coming home on weekends. When the baby was six weeks, I decided to visit him at his place of work, because he was avoiding me during the so-called pregnancy, no intimacy whatsoever. I got to his station around 9 pm, and the security at the gate didn’t let me in with the 6 weeks old baby. The security man at the gate said he was not in town, and his car was parked in the compound.

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I called him on phone several times before he finally picked to tell me he was not in town. The security man later told me he was inside, that if he should allow me in, he would be putting his job at stake, that I should find somewhere to sleep with my baby. He begged me and I left.

After some months, my husband made his plan known that he wants to marry another woman. He did but separated from her. Few months after, we had an argument that resulted to physical combat, and he said he would expose me, that he would tell people how I got the baby.

He also complained about my nephew and niece that live with me (I have been responsible for these children before I got married), saying I should send them away. Their father is late and their mother is not mentally sound. There’s nowhere to send them to, their father’s family don’t even know if they exist. These children don’t owe my husband a kobo. I’m just tired of the marriage, no intimacy for almost a year now. Should I just quit the marriage? What if he spills my secret?

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Photo credit: Dreamstime

View Comments (20)
  • Quit oh. A man that cried because of age difference na wa oh. Please quit before he will open your yansh for people to laugh at. What nonsense is this? Haba. Most men are not reliable oh at all. They will use what they know about you against you mtschew.

  • Madam please dare him to go to CNN and announce that you adopted a baby(I wonder when that became a crime in Nigeria). Please this life is just one and living it in sadness is not advisable. Take your baby, niece and nephew(that’s enough family btw) go live somewhere nice and enjoy your lives. Best of luck

  • Why would he cry when he knew your age.? Seems strange. From all you have written, it shows the man has no regards for you. Secrets are meant to be kept secret. Since he’s been threatening you with it, it’s better you call it a day before you are accused of child theft. He has been pretending all these years. So sad.!

  • You are not the first woman to have adopted a child that shouldn’t be a big deal for you,am sorry for the problems but be rest assured that there is nothing too hard for God hold unto him and he will heal your marriage and love that boy very well he may be the key to your joy

  • You are not the first woman to have adopted a child that shouldn’t be a big deal for you,am sorry for the problems but be rest assured that there is nothing too hard for God hold unto him and he will heal your marriage and love that boy very well he may be the key to your joy

  • My dear please quit the marriage for the sake of your prestige and life also. If he really loves you, not having a child wouldn’t pose as a problem neither would your age difference make him cry. #walters

  • There is nothing he can do with the adoption news the both of you planned it together, acting innocent now is childishness on his part. Please pack your things and live that house. What is the use of a relationship when there is no love and mutual interest. Life is too short to stay put and endure a bitter relationship.

  • The truth is, you will remain his slave with the secret he feels he knows, just be strong and let him announce it, if really his human, he will never forgive himself for doing it. Pls live ur life to its fullness. Ur only accountable to God. Make him ur priority.

  • There is no new thing under the sun, ignore him, live your life, but don’t pack out of his house, even if you have the courage tell people that you adopted the baby dance to your tune people will only talk about it for a while and forget everything, but take good care of the boy cos if you don’t people will say if it is her own child she not treat him like that. Your case is not hard to be handle by God why not pray fervently about this it seems you don’t know God or you dare not putting him first in anything you are doing. Your time to laugh is coming, and mind you pretend as if you have another toaster, make fake calls when he is around and see how jealous he will be, let him shout on top of his voice without you saying a word, it is not your fault that you don’t have a baby yet and am sure you will still have a baby of your own cos my Bible has not recorded any barren woman except the daughter of Saul that mocked David. So cheer up your baby is on the way. Mind you making that fake calls will draw his attention back to you so that there will be an intimacy between you that is the essence of the fake call. You pretend as if someone is disturbing you on phone and you will be telling the person am married am not interested bla, bla, bla like that. that will make him come near you again, it is him that will impregnate you not any other person so you have to do the phone call thing to draw him back to you.

  • Pls dear, be bold to tell him to expose the secret. You are not the first person neither are you going to be the last. You are a strong woman so pick up yourself and make yourself happy with your baby. As for your family with you pls don’t send away. Give them a future of their own. God bless you.

  • if he likes he should let the whole world know, who cares, but my candid advise is to quit the marriage and move on with your life

  • My sister, just dare him to tell it to CNN, AIT, Channels or any other station!! Meanwhile, start now, to prepare your relatives with the secret by telling your immediate family the truth before they hear it from the public because very soon, it will happen! You did not commit any crime neither did you do anything unheard of, they will understand with you! After this, change the game, start threatening him with the fact that you are going to tell his close friends about what he forced you into, let him know that you have already started telling people about it; you will see he will chicken out! All the same, that marriage is not for you from on set, when he cried like that for a little thing as age difference and he went ahead to be behaving like a mad dog! Prepare to give him a brake from that marriage let him try the new wife; believe me, he will crawl back to beg and by then, you must have passed his level!

  • Pls dare him to report to d world about it. Adoption is not a big deal. There’s no more love in ur home but God can stl do smthn. Don’t abandon ur niece and nephew.

  • Your secret? No way on earth and in heaven it is Ur secret,but his. He got d baby for U. U both went to an orphanage together to get d baby,except he arranged for d baby to be brought to d orphanage. So pls,stop breeding d so called blackmail. U shud not be ashamed to let people know U actually adopted d baby. There r many couples who do adopt,talk less of those who steal or buy these babies. Pray about Ur thoughts to end d marriage,before U finally decide. Put it to him that it isn’t Ur secret, but that of both of U….. So except he doesn’t hv a conscience, he shud go ahead and blab thereby exposing his childishness and foolishness. It is well wt U dear. Peace!

  • Except you did not adopt the baby legally, If you did, you have nothing to be scared of except the shame you’ll feel for having your secret exposed.
    If the man said he’s not interested again why force yourself on him? My dear, no man is responsible for your happiness except God and you.
    Give your life to Christ Jesus if you’ve not, and let him give your life a meaning. Trust me you’ll never regret that decision. Put your trust in him and let him heal your wounds. pour your heart to him and he is sure to make the impossible possible in Your life.
    Hear this today, there’s no one who has ever put their trust in God through Jesus Christ that has ever regretted it.
    Give Jesus Christ a chance in your life and get set for your Miracle Experience.
    May the good Lord bless and strengthen you in Jesus name Amen!

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