Marriage: 3 Couples Share Tips to Fight Less & Love More

Marriage should create life-long companionship while bringing out the best in both individuals. However, today, strife and bitterness is fast becoming a norm.

How can couples stay in love, limit frictions and stay afloat in this ship called marriage? Three married couples share how they do it…

Ada and Victor Amadi have been married for over 12 years, and their marriage is blessed with 3 children.

Marriage is hard work but once you put in what’s required, a blissful marriage is possible. Over the past 12 years, we have learnt it is really important to appreciate each other. Always let your spouse know how much they mean to you. Appreciation validates your spouse and goes a long way in letting them know you care about them.

Another important tip is to use special words such as ‘please,’ ‘thank you,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘I am sorry.’ These words must always be used when appropriate in any marriage. They may sound simple but you’ll be amazed at the magic these words can do when used in the right situation.

Chioma and James Okoroafor have been married for 8 years, and have authored a book on marriage. Their marriage is blessed with three daughters.

Couples need to understand that love doesn’t change one completely but demands accommodating each other and sacrifice. It’s wrong to think that just because of love, your spouse should transform to all that seems ideal to you. Marriage brings together parties from entirely different backgrounds, thus misunderstandings are bound to occur.

In the early days of our marriage, we had lots of quarrels that dwelt on me trying to change him. I wanted him to stop certain things and adopt certain attitudes and habits but he would rebel because he wanted to be himself. His expectations were not met by me either. We would quarrel over silly and irrelevant things.

We got to a point where we had to talk and then ask ourselves the question, “Why did we get married?” No matter how blissful a marriage is, couples need to ask themselves this question as often as possible. The power in it is that it takes you down memory lane to see what it was that informed your choice.

Also, couples need to learn to choose their words carefully; words are powerful and may either end a fight or ignite its flame. Stoop brooding or storing hurt because it is disastrous. In addition, telling your spouse you love him or her is not ‘old school’ or a foreign culture; it helps a lot. Then, try something new sometimes and quit routine; it keeps the marriage young and vibrant. In all, say less and act more in love. Actions always speak louder than words.

Ifeoma and Zuberu ElElakhame have been married for 8 years and their marriage is blessed with a son.

Being able to study the nature and temperament of your spouse enables you understand and be able to overlook certain character and behavioural attitudes which ordinarily would have gotten you angry and lead to conflict.

Even where there are defined roles for the husband and wife, nothing stops one to help out the other. Sweeping and cleaning my own house does not demean me, but rather this strongly affirms to my wife that she can truly rely on me. It takes a lot of love and courage.

It also takes a lot of courage and maturity to admit when you are wrong and say sorry; husbands should endeavour to always take the lead in this regard as they are suppose to be the leaders of the family.

Finally, we should know that love is not enough to sustain and keep any marriage, there are a whole lot of virtues and character building involved and it is a lifelong process; not just something you do for a couple of years.

It is possible to live a blissful married life, in fact, that is God’s idea for an ideal family.