I have been married for over 6 years and blessed with two children. My husband and I are so easy going so we never really had any serious issues till early last year. When we got married, I was earning more than twice his salary, so I have always supported him financially, morally and spiritually all through our marriage and I’m still the very submissive one. Infact, I’m more careful about hurting his ego so that he won’t feel that it’s because I have more money than he does. He has access to all my accounts and I’m good but he has betrayed my trust.
However, last year, I discovered that he has been chatting with another woman and professing his love to her. I hardly check his phone but I came back from a 3-months trip and realized his attitude and his password had changed.
I asked him about his relationship with the lady and he explained that the lady was just his friend, no strings attached. I told him that I’m a very emotional person who always says what I mean so I feel that for him to tell another woman he loves her, speaks volumes! That’s not just ordinary friendship. He apologized and said he got carried away, and promised not to continue with his relationship with her. Says he has never had sex with another woman ever since we got married. I believed him and for gave him.
Months later, I discovered that he still keeps contact with the lady every single day. He knows her itinerary, dedicated a music video to her, asking her to listen to a particular line of the song. Although he has been very loving, I couldn’t guess that he would still be in contact with the lady. I felt betrayed because I have loved him too much that when issues like this happens, I don’t get angry with him- I feel broken that I don’t think I can trust him as much as I do.
I asked him about it again and he said to me that he’s sorry if his relationship with the woman hurts me, but I should not bother about his relationship with her because she’s just a friend and nothing more! I felt so hurt by his words because I feel he’s diverting part of the love he claims to have for me to this other woman because he contacts her everyday via video call – I don’t know what they discuss though.
I asked him how he would feel if he found my chat telling another man I loved him? He said it doesn’t matter because he has never slept with anyone else since we got married.
I’m worried due to the following reasons.
1. The lady lives and works in another state. The fact that my husband feels at ease to call and reach her everyday means that he truly loves her despite the distance.
2. I feel that I have invested so much in the marriage. I’m very open to my husband and support him financially. I willingly pay more of the bills – from house rent to children’s school fees and even feeding.
3. I work in another state but I make time to be home for @ least 2 weeks in a month. I do all the chores including his laundry all by myself to make up for my absence. I wholly paid for the last rent.
4. I love him so much that I have never been disrespectful to him. I give him the respect I give my dad
5. I’m well travelled and exposed, yet I have been very loyal to him, I even spend more for him than I do for myself 3 out of 5 times.
6. I always pray that God should bless him so much that he can fully take care of our bills and take care of me.
Now he has told me not to get bothered about his relationship even though he knows it hurts me. I have been very quiet and been avoiding him since. I feel sick in my heart. I feel I have loved him too much, I’m afraid he has betrayed the trust we have built over the years.
To keep my sanity, I have decided to keep my money to myself so he can take up his financial responsibilities as a man in the marriage. I have also chosen to channel my love to my children. I’m not bothered anymore about whoever he wants to keep relationship with. He said to me that he is a good guy because he has never cheated on me even though he knows many men who cheat on their wives. He makes me feel like he sees keeping his part of our marital vow as a privilege to me. He has given me an impression that he won’t stop contacting this woman and he likes the ‘friendship’ he shares with her despite the fact that he knows I’m not happy. I have just been quiet and now he’s complaining that I’m giving him attitude.
NB: The introduction ceremony we did before I moved in with him was 85% borne by me. I feel like he just married me for being a nice girl, not really because he loved me. If not, he won’t be keeping a relationship that is affecting our marriage negatively. I have chosen to keep my love to myself so I won’t die of depression. How else do I manage the situation?