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Dear MIMsters: My Heart Is Shattered, Really Shattered

Dear MIMsters: My Heart Is Shattered, Really Shattered

I need the advice right as my heart is really shattered and I don’t know what to do.

I have been married for six years now and we have a beautiful daughter who will soon be three years old. I have always suspected my husband is cheating on me becomes he comes home late every night between 10 p.m or 11 p.m and says it’s his job.

During the weekends, after taking his breakfast, he will leave the house without any explanation and return late at night. When I ask where he has been, he will say he was watching football with friends or he will get angry.

I have found condoms in his pocket on a few occasions. Once, when I confronted him about it, he said it was an expired one that he has had with him since his NYSC days when it was distributed on camp.  (Meanwhile he grabbed it and did not allow me to see the expiry date).

Just two Saturdays ago, he said he was going to work because he had something important to finish. He came back late in the night, when I searched his pocket I found condoms. When I confronted him he did not deny neither did he apologize. But since then he has not spoken a word to me but only responds coldly when I greet him. He has refused to eat in the house since then and is behaving as if I am the one who did something wrong.

He has passworded all his phones and Ipad. I cannot touch his phone as my baby who is just two years old knows that daddy’s phones are “sacred”. This man never apologizes for anything he has done wrong and will not speak with me until I apologize for what I did not do wrong. Right now my heart is shattered, really shattered.

View Comments (8)
  • Dear Sis, I think you should let him be. I know how difficult that can be, in case you don’t work get busy with any trade no matter how small. Sometimes when ur baby is back from school take her out, make sure it’s somewhere he can verify incase issues arise. If he doesn’t want to eat then cook for yourself and baby n make sure to cook sumptuous meals that he would come see you eat. I know prayer is good, but I’m sure before asking for practical response you must have prayed.

  • At this juncture, I will say u should turn to a spiritual dangerous weapon. As u fast and pray and sow precious seeds, take authority in the name of Jesus and cause indignation in d camp of the enemies. It will happen that those women will so deal with him, his eyes will open and he will realize whT A fool he has been. Become a spiritual warrior, let no tear drop without u declaring whT you want to see happen. He is d man God gave u. Don’t argue, say nothing to him, just keep doing Your thing. It works like wild fire

  • My sister, I am sure you have prayed. I will still advise more prayer for yourself and your marriage.
    Now practically, you have to search your heart and make your own decisions.
    Are you working or do you have a business? Make sure you are empowered and have a little finance set aside.
    Now do you have a support system? People who can stand firm for you, without judging you or blaming you? Are they financially secure so they can help if the need arises? This is not so common in our environment but is invaluable.
    Before confronting your husband or investigating further, ask yourself this question: What will I do if he really has a lover outside? Leave him? Plead with him? Fight them? Or ignore them both? Invite family to intervene? Your decision here is important.
    Now, if indeed he has a lover and your husband knows you are aware, what will be his own reaction? Will he deny? Will he keep malice or even unleash violence on you? Will he ask you to accept the situation?

    My sister, your own reaction and your husband’s reaction will determine your next step. You now understand why I first of all asked about your finances and support system.
    No one wants to be in such a situation but no one should be so humiliated and hurt in her marriage.

    Think well my sister and take the right decision for yourself.
    All the best.

  • IGNORE HIM….let mi repeat my self again IGNORE HIM…he has seen you care so much thats why hes acting up.i used to be in your shoes until i built a wall round my heart,stopped caring abt wst he does or when he comes home. I cook his food ,if he likes he eats ,if he doesnt want to eat i throw the food away in his presence. I locked my phones,watched my weight ,started dressing up very nicely…he started suspecting me n my dear there was a U-turn in his behaviour. He doesnt km home lste anymore n likes us goin out together now….my sister u beta gather that your shattered heart now and begin to enjoy ur life…no man is worth it

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