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Dear MIMsters: I Got Myself Into a Fix. Please Don’t Throw Stones at Me, Just Help Me Out.

Dear MIMsters: I Got Myself Into a Fix. Please Don’t Throw Stones at Me, Just Help Me Out.

How do I get out of this fix?

I got married amost 4 years ago to this guy who lived in the USA for over 10 years. We met through my cousin on Facebook who also lives in the USA. We got to know each other quite well and after like a year the guy Charles decided to come home so we could get married.

Through our chats on Facebook, Charles told me he was financially stable and ran a successfull shipping company. So with all the love I had for him, I gave in to him.

Before returning to the country, Charles introduced me to his mum who even invited me for a sleepover at her house. Finally, my guy came back home and in less than a month he moved into my house after visiting me about two times. In less than 2 months, I became pregnant with his baby.

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All this time, Charles seemed to be financially able but the only thing he really liked spending his money on was eating out and food. I noticed also the guy was a real drunkard and would drink till he could not recognize himself.

This really bothered me a lot and all the attempts to talk to him failed. I lived in a one bedroomed house and after persuading him to move us out, he refused. Instead he insisted he liked the place and thought it was enough for the two of us.

As I worried about what I have gotten myself into, I decided to talk to my aunt who knew what was going on between us. She was helpful in encouraging me but warned me that Charles could be a dead beat.

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Meanwhile, Charles had told me that he has a degree in IT. So, I thought even if his business fails, he can still hustle for an emplyoment. To cut the long story short, 4 years down the line, Charles has ran out of money.

He did shipping business for a few months and then it collapsed. To my surprise, I found out that Charles only has a certificate in IT and can’t get any decent job with it. As a result, he has been at home for 4 years and I have been the bread winner footing almost all the bills. He only pays a rent of 180 dollars.

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He doesn’t seem bothered at all, has he makes no effort to get out of the house to hustle but he keeps saying life is hard. He has been pushing me to use my career to help us relocate abroad. He says he can only make it abroad, not in Africa.

He keeps loaning money from people and at the end of the day, it all ends up in his tummy. I am really disturbed by the situation coz I feel like I have put myself into a fix.

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Lately, I have been really considering quitting my marriage even though I am pregnant again with my second baby.

Please don’t throw stones at me. I am just seeking for advice.

View Comments (7)
  • This man does not love you. He married you because you satisfied his needs when he wanted to return to Nigeria. In fact there is something fishy about his return to Nigeria. I think he was deported and hope he was not even in jail. If he couldn’t make it when he was abroad, is it now that he will make it? He has seen your potentials to make it abroad with your profession and he is going to continue using you as his meal ticket. I have seen it happen before to a friend. Immediately they got abroad, the man seized her passport and told her she came to work there that she should start writing her professional exams immediately.
    My advice is that you should quit the marriage by asking him to leave the house. Tell him to go back abroad and when he has made it, he should ask you to come and join him.
    If you want to relocate abroad, do the visa processing for yourself and children alone. You don’t need him in your life, he his a loser and that’s why he is always drunk.

  • It’s well. Sorry for your situation but you can’t quit based on financial restraints. The only condition the Bible gives is infidelity. He is your husband and he came back for u, or did they deport him? If he has idea of you two travelling out, support him and his aspirations. The future is bright as long as u don’t keep talking him down. God bless ur home.

  • That guy is going to waste your youth. He lied to you from the beginning. Better quit now that you can. He doesn’t love you but loves the idea of you.

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