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Dear MIMsters: After What I’ve Been Through, Should I Listen to My Mum or Go With My Heart?

Dear MIMsters: After What I’ve Been Through, Should I Listen to My Mum or Go With My Heart?

My story is long but I will try to make it short. I have been through so much.

Growing up was so hard for me since I lost my father at a tender age. I was 8 when my father died. Since then, things have been very hard for us and my mum who has been our sole provider, without any help from relatives.

While growing up with this hardship, I fell into the hands of a guy when I was 17. I was lured because he was giving me money. The first time we had sex, I became pregnant. I didn’t willingly have sex with him, so that was the only time and last time I had sex with him.

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5 Months later, my mum told me that I was pregnant, while I didn’t even know. My mum had even know earlier but she did not tell me. She said if she had told me, I would have told this guy who could have persuaded me to abort it.

Even though I was still in Secondary School (SS 2), I had no choice than to keep the pregnancy. I gave birth to a boy.

The father of my son and I were in the same class but he left town and never asked about the child.

A year after my WAEC, I fell into another trap and became pregnant again. The guy denied the pregnancy and I was scared to have an abortion, so I kept the baby again.

I had a baby girl this time while her father is now married to another person.

I never wished for all of these to happen to me. You might blame me for this but it is only someone who knows the real meaning of hardship that will understand my story.

After my second child, I decided to move on with my life with the help of my mum. My mum is the one looking after them.

I have started a new life and I am in a relationship with this guy. We’ve been dating for 5 years now and he knows about my past. I didn’t have the courage to tell him at first but I had to as he became serious with me.

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I don’t want to lose this relationship because after all that has happened to me, I deserve some happiness even if it is little and he gave me that. He accepted and told me to forget about my past. He has introduced me to his mom as his fiancee but asked me not to tell his mom about my past.

Last month, the first guy I had a boy for asked his sister to call me and apologize. She was begging me to forgive him after ten years of not knowing how I have been surviving with the son all these years.

Well, I told her that I have forgiven him but we can’t come back together again and that he should just take up the boy’s responsibilities.

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But my mom wants me to go back to him since he is now financially OK and current boyfriend is not. He just completed his NYSC last year and still searching for job and he is the one I love. I don’t think I can cope with someone who left ten years ago and just resurfaced now.

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I don’t even love him and everything that happened between us was because of the money I was getting from him.

I don’t want to hurt this guy who loves me despite been a mother to two children with different fathers. I’m 27 while my current boyfriend is 31. My son is 10 and my daughter is 7.

please help me out,sorry for the long post just want to give the details of what really happened. Even if your advice come with insults I will take it like that.

What if the mother of my current finds out about my past, will she still allow me get married to her son?Or should I obey my mum and go with someone I don’t have feelings for, the father of my son?

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Please advice me as a lot of questions are going through my head right now.

View Comments (9)
  • Stick with the new guy. But I am worried about his mother not knowing you have 2 kids. I understand where he is coming from. An average naija mother in law is judgemental.

  • This is a complicated situation my dear but u have to make a decsion and make it right kudos to ur mother she tried by standing by u all these yrs not all mother are like that but my dear it is now time u make a serious decision that will affect the rest of ur life go for what ur heart want but be ready to face the chanllege becos ur mother inlaw might not buy that idea

  • Stick to the guy that loves you and you love too. Let that guy sort himself out with his son and look after him. Move on with your life.

  • Before U go for this man u love, empty ur story before her mother, if she accepts U then go along with her son, otherwise leave him and marry the father of ur so if he is really remorseful and ready to make it up for u. But u must trade with caution and ensure that his son was not the reason behind his sudden appearance

  • My dear I know it is not easy but let’s put things straight here. The new guy which you love is not financially stable and you are a mother of two. How do you cope with raising those children? What about your proposed mother in-law and her reaction knowing that you had two children already. Please take your mother’s advice it will be the best for you.

  • I suggest you take your mother’s advice. This guy you are with now might succumb to pressure if his mum finds out you had two kids before you met him. The father of ur son on the other hand knows about your past and from the look of things is ready to be with you.
    You are still hurting and that is why it seems you dont love him, in due time when he shows you care you would start building the affections.
    I however suggest that you dont take your decision till your mother-in-law to be is made aware of the secret. if she doesnt mind then follow your heart

  • My dear I will advice you stick to your new love as he’s standing by you not minding of your past u should also stand by him having the faith that things will turn good for him… But plead with him to tell his mum about your past so as to know where you re heading to if she’s ready to accept you fine!!! But its your guy standing in this issue that will determine…. Make your mother see who your heart is with and with prayer and fasting all shall turn to a testimony for you in Jesus name

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