Dear MIMsters: Do You Think My Marriage Sounds Great and I Should Not Be Worried?

Hello Mimsters! Today, I’ve been feeling a bit thoughtful and thought to check how my ‘less than 2 years old marriage’ is doing. I know there’s really no “standard” or “yardstick” on what a happy and great marriage should be but I’ll love to know what a happy/healthy marriage means to most people and if some adjustments are needed in mine.

So here are a few things about my marriage from my view of course:

1. My hubby enjoys his privacy, he sleeps in the guest room where he plays games, chats on his numerous whatsapp groups, play games, watches movies and soccer undisturbed.

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2. We have sex once in 3 weeks or once a month.

3. We hardly express emotions. No hugs or pecks after not seeing each other for long hours. Its more like a “we see when we see” thing.

4. He sees me as an independent person, he has never suggested ways to improve my life or career. However, he would help when I ask him to and never stops me from achieving whatever goals I set for myself.

5. We hardly ‘gist’. Our lives are pretty basic. We are home together during the week after work from 7 p.m, eat dinner, and enter separate rooms to sleep.

6. His favourite line is “babe, whatever you decide is fine by me.” This line encompasses almost all decisions to be made from the meals I cook to the name of our joint company (which is still in the works).

Sometimes, I crave to hear his opinion on matters but that’s the answer I get.

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7. Hubby doesn’t enjoy hanging out. I practically have to beg to get him to the cinemas when we have holidays.

8. There are no signs of cheating/infidelity.

9. Hubby lives responsibly to a large extent. I’ll stop here.

Now some basic things about me. I never really had friends growing up. My dad is late. My mum and I aren’t close. My brothers and I are “cool”. I don’t have a sister.

As such, I had very high hopes for marriage while I was younger. I always hoped I would find a best friend in whoever I marry, a person that will love me wholeheartedly and would enjoy my company.

Initially in the first few months of my marriage, I was miserable. I cried endlessly on my own with no one to talk to. When I complained in tears mostly, he would walk out and go to the guest room and continue having his private moments. My mum didn’t see a problem and felt I just wanted to make trouble.

A little about Hubby. He is very outgoing and outspoken in public, he has loads of friends and is the ‘life of the party’ when amongst his numerous friends.

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Well, after so many nights in tears and my numerous pleas for us to be closer kept falling on deaf ears, I decided to return to my “miss independent/loner” mode.

As for me, I’m an achiever, an envy to many. At 26, I have a beautiful daughter who’s very fond of me, a great job that’s quite flexible and allows me leave home at 9 a.m. to return whenever I’m done with my set task for the day with a good pay. I also have valuable assets, I’m about to start my post-graduate programme which I solely thought out and paid for, a company, a beautiful lady with a good physique for a mum of one (I could pass for someone that has never been pregnant) and above all, a great God.

I have focused on the “positives” in my life and I keep striving to be better. Hubby is also doing great for himself, as he’s an achiever, an envy to his peers, a guru at his job and a mentor to many.

So to my questions Mimsters, do you think my marriage sounds great and I shouldn’t be worried?

Are there better marriages out there where couples have sex every other day and fall asleep in each other’s arms after several hours gisting and laughing endlessly?

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Do you think it’s ok we continue this way which I’m getting used to? Are my dreams of a romantic marriage unrealistic?

I’ll be glad to read your experiences, opinions and suggestions.