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Dear MIMsters: I Can’t Continue Living Like This In My Home. I Need Help!

Dear MIMsters: I Can’t Continue Living Like This In My Home. I Need Help!

I feel depressed as I type this message because I feel like I’m in the wrong marriage. I need help!

In fact, nowadays, I keep wishing I never met my husband. We have been married for two years now. We didn’t have any marriage counseling before we got married. Things started to change after I had our first child last year. My mum came and went and everything was fine. When my mother-in-law came, we didn’t really bond for different reasons even though we never quarreled.

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This year, things started to go really bad in my marriage after my husband hit me and denied it. I had made plans to leave with my son before we eventually started counselling at church. Things improved a bit but it has been up and down for the past 4 months or so.

I had a baby 3 months ago and in addition to the stress of caring for 2 very young children, I am stressed about my marriage again. We don’t seem to agree on anything and whenever we have an argument, we don’t seem to be able to resolve it ourselves. We always have to involve the church counsellors. My husband likes to make threats and says some very nasty things when we have an argument. Whenever we argue he likes to insult my family as well. I have made it clear to him during counselling that it needs to stop but he hasn’t.

We haven’t been speaking to each other for 2 weeks now and it has stopped us from making very important decisions in our home. There seems to be no more love in the home. I am tired of living my life like this. I feel like leaving but I feel sorry for my children because they deserve to live with both parents.

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I see how much he loves the children and I know it will break my heart to take them from him. I am very confused. Please I need advice on what to do. I can’t continue living like this. I have not had peace and joy this year.

View Comments (31)
  • There is no perfect marriage on earth.Every marriage has its up n down moments.So please don’t give up on your marriage too soon.Learn to keep quiet and walk away whenever an argument builds up.That way bitter words and insults won’t be exchanged.Secondly,no matter what happens keep the communication lines open.Keep talking even if he doesn’t respond initially.Trust me with time he will come around.Keeping malice in marriage is a very good opportunity for the devil to come in.He(devil)will work on your minds separately and u know what that means.Make up your mind to make it work and back it up with prayers

  • u dnt hv to leave ur marriage cos of tinz u just said,all i see is dt u both dnt understand each pray for directions n wisdom derz nuttin God can nt do

  • In as much as am not trying to justify his attitude, Am sure there must be something u not doing right that makes him act that way.

  • From your writeup I haven’t seen what your MIL did that contributed to the dispute in your home. So please don’t drag her in and from your complians apart from hitting you, its normal in marriage. Sometime when people tell you what they are facing you will just go home and start thank God. Forget those make up and holding of hand in public. It might even be show. I keep telling people nobody told you the marriage will easy so stop making it like some fairly tale marriage that only happen in indian and korean movies.

  • It’s well o, just try and continue with the counseling cause understanding is really lacking in your home. Also pray about it.

  • Prayer is the key to a successful marriage and I belive God wil take total controlof your marriage just have faith

  • in as much as i hate those very long annoying courtships,i still appreciate its place in marriage.u cant give up now.just b strong,keep prayin

  • Honestly am tired of some men nasty character.. All I can say is if he’s abusive towards u then leave in peace cause those asking u to pray will still blame u in death

  • Don’t leave poster that’s not the solution.. Avoid things that leads to argument, I no its not easy but try to show him more love and pray….But I hv to be real with ths last statement;: Next time he insults your family please open your mouth and return the insult, say things he will never forget, if not he will not stop.

  • The people you see outside and envy their marriage must have really invested into the marriage to make things work. There’s no perfect man or woman out there, invest on your marriage, sometimes it takes the man or the woman to make a lot of sacrifices in the home to make things work.

  • Hmm…I don’t support you living your marriage…. But there’s something about your attitude Ma….try and fix it…

  • I want to ask just simple question, what would you do about your stubbornness and disrespect toward your husband, your husband is the head u know men want to be respected. Pls. be submissive, I will only disagrees with him if he’s violence

    • Pls how has she been stubborn or disrespectful. U are making an assumption that d situation is her fault which is very unfair. Some men r all about dominating n breaking their women till they just become doormats.
      She has stated he was abusive physically n lied. He is verbally abusive too.. is it when she gets hospitalised that d matter becomes serious?
      Marriage is not easy we can all agree on that but it is very unfair to just blame d woman n assume she is stubborn or disrespectful.

  • My dear no marriage is perfect. learn how to ignore certain things. From your conclusion, you still love your husband and that is why you don’t want to break his heart by going away with the children. The success of every relationship usually depends on one person, make up your mind to be that person. Try and stop complaining, start appreciating him no matter the situation. When issues that will lead to argument come up try to hold your peace. It is well my sister. God will strengthen you.

  • Maybe you are depressed with the babies and all and take it non him but if it’s not the case and he never hit you again, don’t leave. With men like your hubby, do mostly listening and talk less. Let him do the talking and decision and soon trust me, he will start looking for input

  • dear, no home is perfect not at all.
    forget what others may be telling you it is not easy in marriage and will never be easy. please learn to keep shut when your husband is talking or picking up fight. this has helped me a great lot. and always ask God for wisdom and to enable you understand your husband better. you cannot stay peaceful with someone you do not understand. God bless.

  • Hang on in there. Marriage is a learning process. No two people understand each other perfectly. Make up your mind. But stay out of trouble. Make urself happy despite the learning process. Pray and trust in God. But what I don’t like abt ur man is d insult he’s giving ur family. He’s too rude. Some men are so terrible. Pray for him. Keep ur family secrets to urself esp the shameful ones. He will use it against u nd that will be so painful. Learn to forgive but above all stay out of trouble love be prayerful and be happy! Do things that make you happy when he starts his trouble.

  • My dear, your story is not different from what a lot of women are facing out there in their marriage. I will advice that you pray more and make your self happy. You see after the wedding ceremony its a different ball game altogether. Reality sets in.Marriage is an institution by God and the devil uses all manner of vices to cause confusion. Do not give the devil a chance. Men are like babies and they want the same amount of love every time. Maybe he is going through somethings and because of the male ego in him he refuses to tell you. GOD created women specially to meet up all demands from our family. Please be patient and learn more so that you can use your mistake to make corrections. HOWEVER, I DO NOT SUPPORT ABUSING YOUR FAMILY AND HITTING YOU. He will come to his senses someday. Just try and make yourself happy by doing things you enjoy doing praying more

  • Ur story is just like mine. Am married for two years , have a son n now heavily pregnant too. I enrolled my husband in school , pay for his fees n also give him money for his upkeep bcos wen I met him he was not doing anything with his life. I realised he is having an affair on his campus whenever I ask him he gets angry n won’t talk to me. I have seen messages, pictures of them together n their call logs. Whenever I call my husband he tells me he is busy or at times he will be on the line n will n talk wen I ask him he will say he has nothing to say. He disrespect me , no attention n care. Am thinking of leaving him cos all I do is stay in bed n cry. I pray every afternoon n at dawn but he is still the same yet wen he wants money he takes it from me. I feel taken for granted n Unappreciated

  • They say any marriage that survives the first 3-5 years is bound to last forever. Well at least a long time. I too had similar issues early on in my marriage where it seemed we quarrelled over everything. My husband would say the most hurtful things. He didn’t even have any issues abusing and insulting anyone that came to mind…be it my family or his sef! At least you are fortunate in that your husband is open to listening to some sort of counseling….mine won’t have even attended. What I resorted to do was pray…yeah yeah…I know this sounds like the ‘war room’ cliché…but it worked for me. My prayers were: for God to take every form of anger and resentment towards my husband and replace it with love because it is difficult to feel love towards anyone when you are angry with them. For God to help me hear what he is trying to communicate to me…sometimes we wives feel our husbands just want fight…in actual fact they are trying to tell us something but aren’t communicating properly. For God to help him hear me and see me…for him to truly see how he is hurting me when he does what he does and says what he says. Trust me the fights didn’t end immediately… neither did he change suddenly but I found that I was able to still feel love towards him even after the worst fight. We will mark our 13th year anniversary this October by God’s grace. It is well with you sister. God will give you the strength, the grace and the wisdom you need to enjoy and have a lasting marriage in Jesus name.

  • My dear, you need to stop arguing with your husband and make up your mind to save your marriage. Two wrongs can never make a right, you need to step down.
    Become very loving to your husband, treat him with utmost respect and care. Serve him his best dishes and take good care of him. No matter what he says to you don’t flare up or get angry. If you change to be a loving wife, you will surely see changes in him.
    You also pray to God for peace to reign in your marriage. Tell God to help you to keep calm always.

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