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Dear MIMsters: How My Mum Uses Me As An ATM Is Hurtful

Dear MIMsters: How My Mum Uses Me As An ATM Is Hurtful

It’s so unfair and hurtful how people are quick in judging others, especially women. I read a post concerning the girl whose family wants her to take up their responsibility without caring about her income source, and so would like to share my experience.

My parents got divorced, my mum got a new partner and so did my dad. Years later, I moved in with my mum whose husband was not so “well to do” although my dad was still responsible for my education. I was in senior high school then.

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Suddenly, my dad stopped paying my fees and withdrew the weekly allowance of 1000 Naira that he gave me because my mum would call him and get even with him. It was then time for me to sit for WAEC but my mum didn’t have the money and would not make any effort.

I don’t know why but my mum somehow saw me as a means of making money because she would compare me to other girls my age who were assisting their families. Somehow, I sat for WAEC, JAMB and NECO but my mum would never ask how I got the money.

YES! I had a boyfriend then who is now my hubby. He wasn’t a rich kid or a ‘YAHOO BOY”, the likes of boys the other girls my mum compared me with were dating. But he supported me in every way he could. Even at that, my mum would still rain insults on me. She would say, ‘look at you, you have a boyfriend and you don’t put on good clothes, you can’t even make your hair”.

My mum stopped giving me food even though sometimes, I managed to give her little amounts of money ranging from two to five thousand Naira. Hubby would give me a hundred Naira everyday to buy noodles. Soon, mum stopped me from using her stove to prepare my noodles. I started using that 100 Naira to buy smoked fish to drink with garri.

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Gradually my hubby’s business started yielding fruits, he got an apartment and I quickly moved in with him. By then, I had become the good child she could call for financial assistance.

When hubby’s business wasn’t doing well and hubby had to move somewhere else to start afresh, he asked me to move in with my mum because the house was too big for me alone to live in and it wasn’t wise to keep paying up the rent.

Before he left, he paid for my mum’s rent in advance and left with me a reasonable some of money. Months had gone by and the money hubby left was exhausted because I had my son to take care of. Mum didn’t waste time in turning me off.

Hubby came back, we had our traditional marriage and I moved back with him. Things were a lot better. Then it became my hubby’s duty to pay my mum’s rent while her own husband was hale and hearty. My step dad would even call for financial assistance. But as our family grew, hubby could no longer carry continue to bear mum’s financial burden because his income was still the same.

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Hubby never grew up with a father, he never experienced what it was like to have a father. I came from a broken home and didn’t want my kids to experience what I’d experienced.

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Our kids attend the best school in our environment, we can afford a comfortable life. Mum wouldn’t understand all these, so she keeps expecting. She would call and rain insults on me saying I’m the one stopping my hubby from assisting them.

What amazes me in all of these is that I have an older sister who is 12 years older and unmarried, but my mum would not pressurise her for anything. My elder sister has joined my mum to label me a bad person. Recently, my mum has been calling for her rent and even threatened to go back to the village. The truth is, my children come first!

January is around the corner, after the celebrations, my kids will have to go back to school. Her rent can pay the fees of one of my children. I had stated clearly that after paying their fees, I’ll see what I can do. Aside giving birth to me, my mum did nothing for me. With the way she is behaving, I have decided to ignore her.

View Comments (30)
  • I don’t belong to the group that attaches sentiments to everything, popping out a kid from your vajayjay doesn’t qualify anyone a mom. Ignore this person and face your family, if you have anything for her, from your church mind, give her. Not because she deserves it but just to free your mind. If you don’t have, carry on with your life, you don’t owe her anything.

    • Exactly what I would like to say to her.
      Thanks for being realistic under the circumstance.

    • Little wonder what could have led to the fail of her first marriage. She will destroy your marriage too if given the chance.

      Tell her you support her retiring to the village. She is not your most important responsibility on the scale of preference. You have your children to provide for. If all you are good for is providing for your mother, siblings and stepfather, then you don’t have a family in the true sense of it save for your husband and children.

      Be courageous and quit letting sentiment becloud your sense of judgement.

      Face your own life, your own home.

      God bless!

  • Yes ignore her till you can comfortably give.Like I always say ‘what you allow is what will continue’.If she threatens to go back to the village,tell her you even wanted to advise her to consider that option as you are overwhelmed with responsibilities.Be firm and she will get used to it

  • some mother’s can be so annoying that they force an angelchild they have to become devil itself. SMH

  • Well said! Some cases are even worse. Only God know what people are going through so let’s stop judging people we know little or Nothing about.

  • please live your life to the fullest until you have any to give her,then give from your mind,if she wants to relocate to the village,then so be it,it would be better sef,some mother’s are just like thorn on the flesh

  • Some parents are like that, it shows how lazy they are. Your family comes first, don’t listen to her.

  • You sre on the right part. Your mum and her hubby ( ur step dad ) are just lazy. Face your family and give her what you can. She can go back to the village up why live where you can’t afford

  • In dis case, my advise is give her only when you can afford it. We don’t know your mother’s side of d story and why she’s behaving like dis cos a good mother shouldn’t. So just do ur best when you can and leave d rest. If she wants to go back to d village, then she’s free

  • Just like u said your family comes first, if u can help her but if u can’t Forget her

  • Sorry to say, but some women – “mothers” are total disgrace to humanity…..and this madness is getting bad by the day….your mum is not a good woman if you ain’t careful she ll destroy your home…..have seen it happen………if I can advice you…..relocate, change your numbers and have a quiet life………mark my words…..that woman ll cause one problem for you one day…….have seen this happen and am really short of words…….anyway. save your life o.

  • Am sori to say diz, ur mum is a disgrace to motherhood. Do u care to consider factors y she abandoned her first marriage for a less man who can’t foot his responsibilities bills. If it were to be ur biological fada who had turned a pest on u, it wud v been a different scenario. If u no wat is good for ur own family, detachd completely from ur mum nd her fake husband, odawiz, i t shan’t be long bfr they breaks ur marriage cuz of creed.

  • People living in the villages are human beings too. They aren’t animals, so she can relocate there. Send whatever you have to her when you have it but pls ur immediate family comes first.

  • Thank u all for ur kindly advice which u all have given to her but i think the best thing to do is to support her mum to go back to village so that she can have rest of mind in her mirrage.thank u

  • God as assign each an every one of us a duty that we will all account for. U know. So if she fails as a mother, will u allow are to make u fail as a daughter? My advice is; give are the little u HV
    so as to earn God’s reward.

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