Dear MIMSters: Why Am I Being Punished For Doing This Good Deed To FIL & MIL? Part 2

Dear MIMsters, If I begin to recount all my PILs do to me, some of you readers will seek me out and flog me for allowing them but I am hungry for parental love. Like I said, I grew up an orphan. I was told my mom died at child birth and my dad said he would not have anything to do with a child who killed his wife. Few months after, he also died and I was raised by my maternal grandmother.

Eventually, I moved in with my mom’s elder brother’s family after mama’s death, there, I met suffering face to face. In those days, once my uncle left the house- he was a business man and was always on the road- his wife would make me regret ever coming to life. My cousins were not any better. They were two lazy girls who would not lift a finger to do anything once their father was out of town and their mom made me do all the house chores. Till date, there is no task too enormous for me to do. Sometimes, hubby would have to send me away to take needed rest so that he could step in. I have 2 children- 7-year old daughter and 5-year old son. And my SILs, who stay outside Lagos prefer to stay with me whenever they come to Lagos. Most times, they would not even visit their parents let alone; tell them that they were in town. That I find shocking I must say!

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I have tried endlessly to make all of them behave better to their parents but they will always tell me their parents are toxic people who are filled with bitterness, so it is best to stay away from them. They tell me that growing up in the family with their parents was the most difficult thing that has ever happened to them. Truth is, even when MIL wants to behave slightly better towards people, FIL would not allow her. The poor woman lives in fear and I must say she has also mastered the act of unkindness; even to her children.

My husband and his sisters have never been unfair to me and my children but my PILS…

These people have hurt me and my children in so many ways that I can not begin to write now. I remember my daughter, Tara once asked her father why her grandpa was not kind to her. He had responded to her saying, “Sweetheart, grandpa does not know any better so you must keep loving him like Jesus commanded you to love every body.”

Recently, they did worse than ever to me and I am here asking myself if all I am doing for them is even worth it.

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Whenever hubby wants to give them money, he would tell me and because I always felt he could do better for them, I would ask him to increase the money but he wouldn’t budge.

So on Christmas day, we -hubby, me, our children, my SILs and their fiances- visited them. We went with some gifts for them and I cooked for everyone to eat. After the meal, my SILs joined me to clean up and as we made to leave, I whispered to hubby to know if he gave them money. He reminded me of the one he sent to them the previous week and said he wasn’t going to give them any more for now. I tried to persuade him to change his mind but he stood his grounds.

When we got downstairs, I ‘remembered’ I forgot my phone, which I had deliberately left on the dinning table and told hubby I was going to pick it. I ran up the stairs and quickly handed an envelope of 5k each to MIL & FIL.

Could you believe what FIL did?!

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He came to the balcony and beckoned on hubby. When he got back upstairs, he asked him why his wife should be the one he was sending with money to him. By the time hubby turned to look at me, I felt like the ground should open up and hide me.

Hubby apologized to his father and told him he did not know about it. He explained that I had given them out of my own money and FIL responded, “How much does a government worker earn?”

I have been begging hubby since then but he wouldn’t listen. He claims I deliberately disobeyed him and as my punishment, he would slash the house allowance he gives to me since I have more than enough to spread around.

I turned to my SILs to speak to their brother for me but they are also supporting him and asking me why I have refused to heed to their warnings.

The truth is that hubby is 100% responsible for all we spend in the house. He does not demand for my salary but with this new development, he wants me to start adding the excess cash I am throwing around to the house upkeep. And just like FIL said, how much does a government worker earn?

Abeg, how do I pacify my hubby?