Marital Conflicts are unavoidable but this article really is about how to fight fair and not hurt your marriage. Not every couple likes to admit it, but conflicts are natural and happen to all marriages, what stands out is the approach to conflict resolution by each couple.
Conflicts in marriage are not far-fetched, even if you and your spouse love each other very much, you will not see eye-to-eye all of the time, which is still part of being human. That being said, it is important to take things easy and not fret when an occasional argument comes up in your marriage, what you both should worry about is how you handle this disagreements so you can live the ‘happily-ever-after’ dream and stay together for the long haul.
You can solve problems with your spouse without drawing blood with hurtful speech and actions or worse still violence. By talking with each other honestly, fighting , and finding ways to avoid unnecessary conflicts in the future.
1.Understand That It Takes Two To Tango
Be lenient when you identify your spouse’s faults because you love them and especially because you too are not without faults of your own. Many times what is perceived as faults are actually differences, some of which formed a basis of attraction in the beginning since opposites attract.
Understand that you both are products of different experiences, then accept those differences and adjust.
2. Let Go Of Selfishness
As humans, we are inherently selfish and will often push for our rights, downplaying that of others. In handling marital conflicts successfully, couples must learn to win some and lose some.
Marriage can offer a huge opportunity for couples to learn about themselves and how selfish they can be. This is not a spite to their goodly nature, but in recognising how much they are willing to let go and give, they will likely find their key to the oneness of a long-lasting marriage.
3. Find A Good Time To Talk
None of the disagreements will go away, if you give your partner a cold shoulder and never discuss any of your differences. By now and during your premarital counseling, you must have learnt that communication is the lifeline for any relationship and particularly a marital one.
To resolve conflicts without drawing blood, choose a time when you are both calm and relaxed. If your spouse has just returned home after work, give little time for them to freshen up, eat and wind down a little before you gently broach the subject.
4. Listen Actively
By keenly listening to your spouse, you show them that you care about them, how they feel and what they have to say. in other words, you are ready to partner with them and resolve your issues. Pay attention to their body language as well, if you find a right time to touch or hold their hands, take the cue, otherwise do not aim to interrupt them.
5. Remain Calm And Avoid Pointing Fingers
Staying calm under pressure is a sign of emotional intelligence. You will cause more harm than goo if you often react in the heat of the moment. Never heat up an already intense situation. Remain calm and gentle in your approach and you will actually leave room for resolution of conflicts.
Avoid pointing fingers at your spouse and using the words ‘You always” or “You never”.
6. Discuss The Conflict
Tell your partner what is bothering you. Sometimes what is a bother to you may seem flimsy on the surface and you do not want to seem petty. Still, you must find a way to discuss it, without rambling. Be clear about your concerns and decide together how to make things more balanced.
7. Focus On The Issue At Hand
Do not be carried away by the brewing negativity of a conflict in the moment, so that you begin to recount all the faults and mistakes of your spouse.
Couples can be easily overwhelmed with negativity when handling conflicts when they fail to deal with the matter at hand, leave the past where it belongs and forge ahead in your marriage.
8. Don’t Be Mean
To feel the weight of their wrath, some people hit below the belt and say really mean things to their spouse. Name-calling and mocking your spouse’s insecurities is not going to keep your marriage going strong and has the capacity to do irreparable damage. So hold back.
9. Appreciate Your Spouse & Make Compromises
Focus on your spouse’s positive traits, the big and small ones and praise them for it. Tell them you love them often and extend little kind gestures often whether you are home together or are apart attending to your individual lives.
When a misunderstanding as occurred, do not jump to conclusions about their intentions, practice a lot of forgiveness and do not put make your feelings the only priority , consider your spouse too and compromise on some of your beliefs and expectations.
10. Spend Quality Time Together
By spending quality time together, you can actually avoid more conflicts. Spending time together reaffirms your love for each other. Make a habit of going on dates and planning activities where you can enjoy each other’s company.
11. Beware Of People Who Try to Control Your Marriage
From entitled family members, to negative friends and in-laws, you both most make conscious efforts and take a unified stance on fencing off all negative influences so that you can have a peaceful lasting marriage.