Exhausted Working Mum, Cate Nelson Challenges Other Mums To Quit Making Excuses For Their Lazy Husbands
Everybody already knows parenting is no mean feat; little wonder active parents- let’s just say mums always mention how fatigued or exhausted they are. There is the lack of sleep, the physical exhaustion from being everything for your child from a nurse, to tutor, to maid and more; not to mention coping with the demands of being in a relationship or marriage while trying to hold down your job and maintain sound health. The exhaustion of it all makes it all the more crucial to have a supportive partner. For some, this is not an option, and these parents become both mum and dad. But for those who have a co-parent, one fed-up woman, Cate Nelson has some words of warning – specifically for the mum.
Cate who is a single mum shared that her life got easier when she left the father of her child. In her post, she made it clear that apart from financial struggles, parenting is actually a lot easier as a single parent than when you are co-parenting with a lazy partner that you always have to make excuses for.
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Cate wanted other mums to understand that men are not innately incompetent or incapable of doing their own share but they get away with doing next to nothing because nobody demands that they get the work done.
She begins:
“In case anyone needs to hear this. I did. My life got infinitely easier when I left my ex. The biggest secret about single parenting is that (aside from the financial struggles), it’s *much* less stressful than trying to fill in for a lazy partner.”
Then she shared the words which resonated so strongly with her.
“On every page I follow, in every parent group I am in, I see the same thing: mothers talking about how exhausted they are, how hurt they are by the imbalance of work in their heterosexual relationships. The problems are all some variation of ‘I just gave birth/am up half the night breastfeeding. Why do I have to also make dinner and clean while my spouse watches TV?’
The advice is always the same: Be gentle with yourself. You can’t do it all. Parenthood is hard.
“Blah blah blah.
“I don’t know which of you needs to hear this, but I’ll give you some better advice: Divorce his ass.
“This cultural norm where a man buys his free time with his partner’s labor, suffering, and sometimes with the literal destruction of her body is misogyny on steroids.
“Men are not innately incompetent or lazy or incapable of doing their fair share. Tell that jackass to get off the golf course, get his ass home, get up in the middle of the night with the baby, and start earning the right to stay married.
“And remind him that not all men are this way, and that a dude who doesn’t do his fair share is not exactly a prize.
“He is replaceable. Lazy men who think you should have to work 168 hours a week while they work 40 are easy to find.
“If my spouse can pull his weight while litigating police and prison death cases and dealing with the unending horror of our current legal system, then your Johnny Do Nothing husband can manage to get up with the damn baby and stop blaming your postpartum depression on your woman hormones.
“If he gets free time and you don’t, if he gets to sleep and you don’t, if you have to do the grunt work and he doesn’t, guess what. It’s not an accident.
“He knows exactly what he is doing. Division of labor imbalances in marriage are a form of spousal abuse.
“Stop making excuses for s****y men.”
