I have been encouraged by your stories and it has inspired me to share mine. I left my husband but I might be forced to go back.
I got married immediately after my university education, at the age of 22. I had someone I loved so much, but my mom rejected him inwardly because he was an only son. You see, my dad was also an only son and she passed through hell because he had nobody else as he was also an orphan.
The man I married asked for my hand in marriage immediately after I wrote my final exams. We never dated for one day, I hadn’t even seen him before. I told my parents, and they prayed about it. My mom said it was God’s will to marry him and I agreed. I never wanted to disobey her because she knows better, even though my heart was not OK with him. I always have weird dreams about him, but mom said prayers will take care of it.
Fast forward to when I went to visit him after our introduction, immediately I stepped into his house with my bag, he threw me on the bed and had his way with me. I was so disgusted and ashamed of myself, I hated him that instant. He professed to being born again but he smokes and drinks like there is no tomorrow.
I told him I will leave the next day, he pleaded with me to stay and that he won’t repeat the rape again. My naive self agreed and he continued. I begged for transport fare to go back to my state and he began lying about not having any money for 2 weeks. I was ashamed and couldn’t call my parents because I didn’t know how to lie or what to say. I was so naive and innocent that he played me like the fool I was.
It was during that stay that I became pregnant. When I got back home, I told him and he said that I should terminate it, that he wasn’t ready to be a father then. I refused, he then refused to take responsibility and said he wasn’t responsible for my pregnancy. I hid that pregnancy for like 4 months.
My parents called him to know when he would come and finish up the marital rites but didn’t pick up nor return their calls. I eventually told my parents the truth. I told them about what transpired between me and him when I visited him and that I didn’t like what I saw in him. I told them of how he hardly gives me money for food and how he smokes and drinks. (I’m a preacher’s kid so I’m not used to all that). But my parents said that after the wedding, he will change.
Soon after, my dad died and still, this guy didn’t come around. It was when my discovered that I was pregnant, she called him to come immediately and he came, claimed responsibility and went down on his knees to beg for forgiveness.
I gave him a second chance not because I wanted him but because of the baby and that the worst mistake of my life. Since that day, I have been battered, starved and cursed.
When his business suffered terribly and I became bread winner, the beatings never stopped. I fell into depression and thoughts of suicide overpowered me that I attempted hanging myself one time, but my baby’s cry saved the day.
We have 3 kids now and I no longer live with him.
I have forgiven him even though he never asked for it but I don’t ever want to go back. I’m my mom’s only girl child. I nurse this fear that he might come pleading one and I might be forced to consider going back even though that’s the last thing I want to do.
Please help. I need advise strongly. If I’m alive to type this, then I don’t deserve to go back there but I am afraid that the pressure of how society treats divorced women might push me into it.
Please, also say a prayer for me. May God bless us all.
P.S: This is an abridged version of my story. Time won’t permit me to write in full details.