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Dear MIMsters: My Husband Is Threatening To Find Another Woman If I’m Not Ready To Do This

Dear MIMsters: My Husband Is Threatening To Find Another Woman If I’m Not Ready To Do This

My husband is threatening to find another woman if I am not ready to do this.

I met my husband in 2009 when I was 18 years old and in my first year at University.

We fell in love but my family was against it due to the part of village where I came from. My part of the village do not marry outsiders ( Ndi MBA). It was not a small battle but I was so much in love with him that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

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I got pregnant but had a miscarriage at 17 weeks. I took in immediately thereafter but at 27 weeks, I had  preeclampsia with symptoms of  high blood pressure and swollen body. The complication was high risk, so I was rushed in for a C.S.

I lost the baby, a baby boy, four days after. That was when my family decided to give their consent to allow us get married.

Ten months later, I took in, which ended at 33 weeks through cs. I lost the baby again, and this time, after one week. Losing this third pregnancy, made people to start talking rubbish against me, especially people from my husband’s side. They took me to a prayer house to find out the real reason why I have been losing my babies. Meanwhile, I was accused.

Out of frustration, I felt the need to prove my innocence, that was when I went to remove my contraceptive just to bear a child for my husband, against the advice of my doctors. I had seen a message of his on WhatsApp, telling a woman to bear him a child, calling his female friends sweet names that he never calls me and all sorts of things.

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To bring back the love that we once had, I decided to take in. Then too many complications set in. First of all, I had Placenta Previa coupled with too much bleeding, high blood pressure and a lot more. I had to call my family for help. My big sister took me in and nurtured the pregnancy till I delivered at 34 weeks. Thankfully, the baby and I both came out alive.

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Now that my child is 2 years old, my husband is demanding that I get pregnant again, and this time, he wants a male child while my plan was to rest for about 3 years before getting pregnant again so that my body can heal properly. Within 5 years, I have carried four pregnancies and had three Cesarean sections.

His point is that without a male child his family is incomplete, in fact, he said that he needs two boys. This means that means even if I get pregnant and give birth to a baby girl, he will not be satisfied and may go looking for a second wife. He is asking me to tell him whether I am ready for another pregnancy or not so that he can go and look for an alternative.

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I opened to my family and they are all very sad to hear this. My family is telling me that since my husband doesn’t care about my life, I should therefore call the marriage quits.

Right now, we are living like roommates and we have no intimacy.

View Comments (4)
  • Dear Poster,

    Please carry your daughter and leave this marriage. Your husband is too selfish and doesn’t care about your life. You are too young for this type of nonsense. Go back to your family and continue with your studies.
    Please don’t take the risk of getting pregnant again, you may not survive it this time around.

    • Leave the man first, go back home, let him get his alternative, that’s not the kind of man to leave with, is not him that is responsible for the sex of the baby. Go and find what to do with ur life please.

  • My dear, ur life is very important. You can’t afford to lose it bcos u want to please an ingrate. Pls nuture your baby and don’t get pregnant for now. Haba 3 Csections in a space of 5yrs??? That’s too much and dangerous. Pls trycand get someone he listens to to talk to him. Hopefully he will understand. But if not, good riddance. Love yourself first pls. Your baby needs u alive. May God touch his heart.

  • If you refuse and live, he will marry again.
    If you try it and die, he will marry again.
    All this agitation for a boy is rubbish. He himself that is a “boy”, is he a source of pride at all?
    Please choose life.
    Let him do as he pleases.
    Las, las, he may come to his senses. By then, you would have long moved on.

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