I have been meaning to share my life’s story on this platform for a very long time now, unfortunately, I never seemed to have the time to type it all out. Today, I’m home and I hope it’s not late to do so.
When I was 26, I met this guy, he was my neighbor and I was already in a relationship (my very first). He was 4 years older, had a job and was looking to settle down. It took me more than a year to accept dating him. I was reluctant because there were a lot of things about him I didn’t like. For example, he wasn’t very cultured neither was he a hygienic somebody. I liked the fact that he was very hard-working, reliable and he loved me to bits or so I thought.
A year after we started dating, he came to see my parents. I was 27 then and had just gotten a job in a different town. He told them he was going to come in a few month’s time with his family for the proper family introduction. We had been intimate but before getting intimate, we went for some tests (HIV, electrophoresis, STDs).
When he wanted to come to see my parents, I asked my mum which tests we were expected to run. She gave me a list, we had run them all, except Hepatitis. So off again we went to the hospital and we were tested positive for hepatitis B. That was the biggest shock of my life.
I went reading and researching and what I learned depressed me but not as much as the fact that this guy had been tested positive for hepatitis B a long time before we met. He claims he took treatment and knew he had been cured. I called off the relationship. After counseling by the medical doctor and a few friends, I decided to carry on but I didn’t tell my parents about this. We started treatment with herbs between 2010 and 2011 because medical treatment was very expensive for one, and secondly, this naturopathologist was renowned.
I went off to begin my new job with the passion and commitment that is required in December of 2011. In March 2012, this guy came visiting at my station. I noticed that the enthusiasm with which he had been planning the formal introduction with his family was gradually dying down.
He then started a new mantra, that all his mates have kids, “so why don’t we have a baby?” “Should we wait until after we wed to have a baby?” I told him that the way things are done, “we will have the wedding first, then have babies after!” This didn’t go down well with him.
I went to visit him in April when I had a break and I noticed he was less attentive, less caring, etc. A few days later, I was using his phone to make a call, when a message came in, that’s when I discovered he had two other girls he had been chatting with for a while. So I asked him about it and he didn’t deny nor did he apologize, he rather said since I got a job, I seem so happy living in the new town, he said I didn’t want a baby before the wedding, etc. I was heartbroken, to say the least, because I loved and trusted him so much.
Some of the messages killed me from within. These girls will call him and he will answer in my presence, that’s when I knew I couldn’t take it. I still had a few days before going back to my station so on the advice of my friend, I asked him what he really wanted, his response was clear, he no longer wanted to carry on with the wedding plans. I talked to a few of his friends to make him see reason but he won’t budge. So it dawned on me that I will have to tell my parents that we won’t be having a wedding in August as planned.
That was the most difficult part because I come from this solid, principled family. I immediately called my younger sister, she’s the only one I communicate better with. This was in May.
I packed up and returned to my station. I was devastated, I was broken, I was hurting so badly I felt I would die. I finally summoned the courage and told my parents, my mum’s reaction killed me a million times over, because she was more concerned with what people will think?
This guy kept calling every now and then to check up on me and that gave me a glitter of hope that probably he was realising his mistake and wanted to come back.
In June, I had something to do in his town, he called and invited me over! I was like thank you, God, this is it! I spent the night at his place but the next morning I realized he wasn’t ready to go back on his decision. I was shattered anew! That was when I resolved to move on. I have always known my worth, I had a better paying job, I was young (28), I had the support of my family so I told myself I can’t take shit from a guy who thinks I should have his baby first before he marries me. I leaned towards God and I asked him of one thing: to give me the strength to face each day.
I won’t lie to you, it wasn’t an easy journey, I cried myself to sleep most nights, I was so lonely in my new town. I also had to tell my family about the hepatitis B issue. My elder brother took it upon himself to get me treatment. It was very expensive, the treatment was equally herbs processed and sold by Catholic monks.
I kept praying for divine healing and restoration. After the treatment, I went for a test and God is so merciful, I tested negative. I showed the doctor my previous results and he said, their laboratory is reputable and that yes! I could go for the vaccine.
Fast forward to 2013, which is more than a year later. I went for adoration in church and when I came back I noticed a number had called me about five times. I called back and it was that guy, he said he was in my town and really wanted to see me. I had gotten over him but I was curious to hear him out. So I met him at a snack and he went apologizing that he was sorry for breaking my heart bla bla, that I should forgive him and that we should remain friends. I told him that I forgave him a long time ago but I can’t be friends with him. I had successfully put him in my past and that is where he will forever be. He explained to me that hepatitis B had been having a toll on his health so he came to my town for treatment. I wished him well and went home.
A few months after, an unknown number called me. He was at the other end and was practically crying on the phone. He needed my help. He wanted to come to hide out in my town because he had taken a loan to invest in a business venture that didn’t work out and his creditors were after him. He claimed to have sold everything he owned. I softly and coldly reminded him that I can’t lodge him because we are not friends. I told him that if he wants to come over to my town, I’m not the mayor so he’s free to do so at any time. Two weeks later he called again that he wanted to borrow money from me. Of course, I said I will never lend him a dime!
Meanwhile, I was having suitors left and right, however, I was resolved not to get into any relationship just for the fun of it.
In July 2014, I met this amazing young guy and we clicked on so many aspects. We both love football, we are both jurists, I mean I have never felt so loved and cherished. I found a worthy friend and a companion. We got married in December of the same year.
Today, we’re blessed with three kids and yes we have our ups and downs but I’m certain of one thing: my husband loves me and we’re both committed to making our marriage a success.
This other guy kept calling every now and then under the pretext that he’s just checking up on me. So sometime last year, I told him it’s pointless calling me and pretending we’re friends, we once we’re friends, but now, we are no longer friends and we will never become friends again. He hasn’t called since then.
I will like to emphasize here that when I moved back to my town after my resolve to move on, I blocked his numbers and I blocked him on all social media platforms. So each time I spoke with him on the phone he was always using an unknown number. Again, while pregnant for my three kids, I never tested positive for hepatitis B. Isn’t God awesome?
Now the lessons from my story are…
1. Ladies, no matter how hard it might be, when a guy says he doesn’t love you anymore, take it in stride and move on. No one is saying it will be easy but remember you’ve got what it takes, tap from that inner strength we are all endowed with and keep your head up.
2. secondly, don’t settle for less. I’m so certain if I had accepted to have his babies, I still wouldn’t have been legally married to him till date. He was trying to blackmail me emotionally but thank God I had my standards and values and I wasn’t willing to settle for any less. I remember my Dad told me, getting married is good but it’s not a do or die thing!
3. Finally, I am sad to say that I didn’t get the kind of emotional support I was expecting from my mother. Like her, we are sometimes more concerned about what the public thinks! To hell with what people may or may not think of our decisions. Listen to that inner voice, do what makes you happy. At the end of the day, it is your personal happiness that matters!
I hope that I have inspired someone.