Dear MIMsters: I Have Moved On With My Life But I Find His Messages Disturbing

I have moved on with my life but then again, I find his messages disturbing.

I got married to my husband in 2014, but before we got married, we had a long relationship but it was a distant relationship. We only met once and exchanged contacts.

6 years after we met, I came to Lagos for my industrial training (I.T) and he didn’t make any move to physically meet me, but we were always speaking to each other on the phone.

So, I was rounding up my industrial training and it was a few days to return to school. He then invited me to his house and on that same day, he proposed to me. This was in 2013. But all this while, we never had sex. He is 8 years older than me. In the beginning, I had told him not to ask me for sex because I was waiting for our wedding night. I was very naive and based on my family’s orientation, I made that statement.

Finally, we got married in 2014 and on our wedding night, I waited for him at the hotel room where we lodged but he was downstairs with his friends. I called him several times before he finally came upstairs to the room with his best friend. I was shocked when I saw his friend.

He told me that his friend would be passing the night with us. I asked why and if he has forgotten it’s our wedding night. Before I knew it, his friend had pulled off his clothes and had gone into the bathroom. He told me that the 3 of us must sleep together in the same bed.

We started to quarrel and this drew the attention of some people. His friend quickly put on his clothes and ran to meet his wife. His friend had gotten married a month before us. He came to the wedding with his wife they were lodged in the same hotel we were in. That night, we slept backing each other and facing the wall. That was how we started our lives as husband and wife.

He can spend 3 to 4 weeks away without returning home nor calling. Fast forward to when I finally caught him and his friend on the bed having sex. I’ve caught him several times video chatting with him and showing him his dick. But each time I catch him, he defends himself and makes me look like I’m insane. After I caught them in bed, he became even bolder and proud of it. To the point of calling his friend in my presence and showing him his dick.

Before all these, as a couple, we didn’t have sex. He doesn’t have an erection, no matter what I do. I succeeded in convincing him to see a doctor even if he doesn’t care about it. After several medical tests and treatment, we had sex and just that once we had sex, I got pregnant and till I gave birth to our child, we never had sex again.

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I caught them 2 years after I gave birth. Living with him was hell for me, so I rented an apartment far from him in 2018. I took my baby and left. Since I left in 2018, he has never called me nor my family to know my whereabouts.

When I was still with him, that friend of his separated from his wife. I asked him for the cause of their separation, and he told me that, “marriage is not by force. Before I left his place, I complained to my parents but they asked me to keep praying for him. My parents weren’t happy with me when I left but I didn’t care. They got angry with him when he didn’t call nor visit them. Since then, my parents have supported me.

None of his family members called to find out what happened between us that lead to our separation. I reported him to them several times but nothing was done.

Two days ago, he sent me a message asking me about his daughter and how she’s doing. I have moved on with my life but seeing his message again is disturbing to me. I don’t want him anywhere near me or my daughter. Please what should I do?