Couples dealing with fertility issues are put under unnecessary pressure, especially women and if they do not have adequate support from people who matter to them; family members, the pressure becomes aggravated.
One woman who has gone through the pain of TTC and who decided to be selfless about it is this amazing mom-of-three, Laurie Idahosa.
Laurie is married to Bishop F.E. Benson Idahosa, the first son of late Archbishop Idahosa. Mrs Idahosa, in a chat with ThisDay shares their challenge with infertility and how they stayed true to each other in spite of the challenges.
According to the motivational speaker and clergywoman, shortly after their marriage, they were told by their doctor that they their chances of becoming parents was very slim after she was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome), a blocked tube, severe endometriosis and an inverted uterus while his husband was diagnosed with male-factor infertility.
Despite all these problems, the power couple stayed true to each other, fought their battles together both spiritually and medically and today, they are proud parents of three handsome boys.
Below are some lessons couples trying to conceive can learn from their coping strategies;
When we were told shortly after marriage that there was only a .01 % chance of us having children naturally, we never blamed ourselves. We were shocked and disappointed with the situation because it wasn’t something we foresaw.
Being married to the only son of the late Archbishop Benson Idahosa was an added pressure on me because everyone expected me to give the Idahosa family an heir. I learned very quickly that in the African culture, nobody would look at him, but instead all eyes would be on me and my belly.
Our infertility challenges were with both of us. Mine included PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome), a blocked tube, severe endometriosis and an inverted uterus while his (FEB) was male-factor infertility.
Don’t feel insecure
However, we didn’t feel insecure or inadequate but decided to see it as an opportunity for God to create a miracle, just as He had done for my husband’s parents in the 1970’s, when they didn’t have children immediately. So my husband kept declaring in faith that God would give us our children.
The truth is, neither of us would have known what the issues were if we had not undergone diagnostic testing. We were blessed to have had the resources to find out what the challenges were. We strongly felt that God could handle the case and miraculously He did. Our story is long and emotionally charged, but the shortened version is that we are now blessed with three naturally conceived boys. They are 7, 4 and 3 years old.
Sharing with family, friends?
We kept it very quiet within a small circle of people we could trust. We did inform my parents, his mother and a few close friends. We did not share details of our journey until it became a testimony. I even went as far as to using a fake name for myself in the online support groups that I belonged to. We wanted to remain private, however, when God stepped in and we had our breakthrough.
We are both very meticulous and detailed people. FEB kept an eye on the timing for the injections, even going as far as using an app on his phone to ensure that I received the treatments on time. It also helped that during the treatment cycles we were not working a daily 9-5 job.
We live and work in Nigeria at Benson Idahosa University and the treatments were done in the US. We were blessed to have the freedom to be on a medical vacation whenever the treatments were happening. We stayed sane because we took on the project together.
The child died
Sadly we saw the child die despite the best efforts of the doctors. We were given time to mourn our child after a ‘time of death’ had been called and with all the pain and the tears that flowed, my husband and I knew in our hearts that we were already parents.
I wanted to try for another baby right away but it was not possible at the time as I had undergone a C-section and we were advised against going into an IVF treatment so soon. We came back to Nigeria after this and immediately started putting our efforts into a women and children’s hospital in Benin City called “Big Ben Children’s hospital” in memory of our first son.
While we were working, God gave us a natural pregnancy without the aid of Assisted Reproduction or IVF. That pregnancy resulted in a baby boy who is now seven years old. We had two subsequent natural pregnancies after that.