There are different stages in marriage when a couple may begin to experience a sense of fear about their future together. Like any big changes in life, marriage can also go through many stages of doubts and fears of the unknown.
Confronting your fears together is to understand that fear is normal because marriage does not have the capacity to meet all your emotional needs.
In a new article she wrote for Punch, relationship expert, Elizabeth Badejo highlights three inevitable fears that are common to marriages and how couples may emerge from the other end victorious.
Read her piece below:
1.Fear of external control
Your happiness is your responsibility and ensuring that your needs are met not only in your marriage but outside your marriage is crucial. A couple can make conscious efforts to keep away from families after they have settled down in their marriage in the interest of defending their marriage from external influences.
Think about this; if your marriage was validated by your families, they are more likely to remain your shield of support at the early stage of your marriage when you may need them most and keeping them out of your lives now may be an unwise decision. Understanding what you require in every relationship is important and having an additional support of family can strengthen your marriage and relieve uncertainties too.
Your new marriage will be happier when you appreciate the value of a good family support. They can stand in gap for you during the difficult times especially when the honeymoon period is over. Family is everything you need to share the good times and the bad times.
2. Fear of trusting
There comes a time when you suddenly begin to think that your marriage is not what you predicted especially when situations such as career and money trigger certain expectations and priorities to shift gradually. Perhaps you and your spouse have been pretending to live happily ever after but financially separated due to fear of trust or differences in understanding financial discipline. Trust is the bond that holds together any committed and a loving relationship and when it is absent, what is left is fear and doubt.
Now is the time to have a reality check as a couple and start to set your eyes on the same game to avoid conflicts of interest in future. Whether or not you have differences concerning your finances, start the conversation going today and recover what you can before the situation gets out of hand. Allow your relationship to thrive on trust so that you and your spouse can grow, develop, and become responsible to set goals together.
3. Fear of loss, loneliness
One of the biggest fears for couples who have been happily married for decades is the fear of loneliness. Death is inevitable enough though it can be heart-breaking to lose a spouse. Perhaps, you have been hurt before in a previous committed relationship where you had to risk your hearts open to the possibility of loss.
In marriage, many other things will contest for your love and attention including hurts and pains leaving no feelings of emotion. But love does not shift because of these afflictions, love shifts due to fear of losing the one you love.
Do not be afraid to discuss loss in your marriage as it can motivate you to plan well to secure the future of the spouse left behind and your children if the unexpected happens.