More Nigerian men and women are doing away with stereotypes surrounding gender roles. Modern society doesn’t frown at stay-at-home dads and working women.
There is no right or wrong way to handle gender roles in marriage. Though some men now see nothing wrong with helping their partners with home chores, some see it as a taboo.
You always do the cooking, serve the food and later take out the trash. And your partner never folds the laundry or help with dish washing. But, of course, if you were to ask them, they would tell you that they’re always the ones refilling the gas or do the laundry.
Look, even if all that was true, you might want to rethink how you bring this up to him. That’s according to Chanel Dokun, a certified New York City life planner trained in marriage and family therapy.
But how are you supposed to get your other half to do their fair share of household chores if you don’t point out how little they’re doing? Dokun says:
“The secret to getting your spouse to do what you want is to avoid saying ‘always’ or ‘never’. Why? “Those words feel generalized and dismissive of any effort the other person has made.”
Just imagine how it would feel if, after a busy afternoon of cleaning the bathroom, doing the laundry, washing the dishes and taking care of the dog, your partner turned to you and said, “You never wash the car.”
They may be right, but pointing out what you don’t do totally undervalues all the work that you do put into your home and shared life together.
Instead, adopt Dokun’s favorite word more. As in, ‘I wish you’d help out more with the dishes.’
“This statement gives your partner the benefit of the doubt while also clearly getting across the desired behavior you’re hoping to see,”