Now Reading
Women Issues: Fertility Expert, Dr Abayomi Ajayi On Coping When Everyone Is Getting Pregnant Except You

Women Issues: Fertility Expert, Dr Abayomi Ajayi On Coping When Everyone Is Getting Pregnant Except You

Fertility specialist, Dr Abayomi Ajayi has shared some useful tips on how to cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you.

Children are very important in the African culture because a childless marriage is often viewed as an ‘incomplete marriage.’

When you’re trying to conceive and not succeeding immediately, it can feel like everyone is getting pregnant except for you. Sometimes, you may even feel jealous just seeing a stranger’s pregnant belly.

Infertility is frustrating and difficult to face no matter the time or place. The feelings of sadness, anger, grief, and fear are common but quite difficult to face.

If you’re feeling angry about infertility, directing that anger at a friend or colleague who gets pregnant easily, may feel easier than directing it elsewhere. But that doesn’t make things right or easier for you in the long run.

Envy is a normal emotion. Understanding the underlying thoughts that feed into jealous feelings may help you understand yourself better and even reduce the uncomfortable feelings.

When you’ve been struggling to get pregnant, envying someone who is pregnant or has a newborn baby is a normal occurrence.

It does not mean that you are a bad person for feeling this way because it’s not that you’re not happy for your friend or relative. It’s just that you’re feeling sad about your loss. So, beating yourself up over your very normal reaction isn’t worthwhile.

Try to let go of shame and guilt for your feelings: The only thing worse than feeling bad is feeling bad about feeling bad.

As you’re trying to conceive, being surrounded by friends with babies and ‘bumps’ of their own can be tough. You can feel sorry for yourself but don’t overdo it. You want to end on a positive note each time and not with depression.

The truth is, conceiving isn’t a competition, and it doesn’t matter how easy or hard trying to get pregnant is for anyone else but you, so don’t compare your situation with that of others.

It’s very important to let people know how you’re feeling, especially those whom you consider your best support system. For instance, you can decline a baby shower invite. If you feel it would be more painful than beneficial to go to the shower, then give yourself permission to not go. Hopefully your friend will understand. But if you feel like going, go ahead!

Even if it feels as though you’re the only woman in the world not pregnant or already a mother, there are plenty of other people who are going through the same thing as you.  You are not alone in the struggle.

Connecting with a group of women in the same situation can be very useful, as long as it’s a group that’s positive. Make sure everyone is supporting each other and not just complaining and bringing each other down.

READ ALSO: Specialist, Dr Abayomi Ajayi Answers Questions On Infertility, The Many Solutions Available To Battle This Threat To Marriages

Other women that share your situation can help boost your confidence; they can be sounding boards when you’re stressed. They can also help you with fertility information that you may not have known. You can really identify with the other ladies and find a great support system.

The truth is that pregnancy doesn’t discriminate. Becoming pregnant is not dependent on how hard you try, nor on whether you’d make a good parent or a bad one.

Pregnancy and early parenthood aren’t easy and keeping your struggles a secret isn’t good for your mental health. In fact, having experienced infertility puts you at a higher risk for developing postpartum depression.

In many ways, it is easier to feel envy and direct your difficult feelings outward than to look inward and acknowledge your sadness.

Feeling jealous is less about your friend or family member’s pregnancy, and more about your own grief over infertility.

You want to decline the baby shower invite? Go ahead, you really don’t have to go. While you shouldn’t force yourself to attend every baby shower, or tortuously read dozens of pregnancy-related status updates, you should try—when you’re ready—to let the pregnancy jealousy go.

You may need to re-let go over and over again. But being able to do so is important to your mental health. There comes a time when isolating yourself to avoid pregnancy jealousy will create more harm than good.

Don’t keep your feelings a secret, otherwise they fester and grow bigger. If your pregnant friend or sister is close to you, you can confide in them. If not, talk to someone else who will understand. A counsellor can serve in this role as well.

See Also

Infertility is one of the harder emotional and physical experiences a woman can face. It triggers uncomfortable emotions, questions and new realities if you feel like you are the only one struggling to conceive.

Being surrounded by friends with babies and ‘bumps’ is a constant reminder that you are still not pregnant. It can be tough facing your fertility journey but there are ways to cope.

Be gentle with yourself. Comparing won’t ease your pain; it doesn’t really help to keep looking at your friend during a baby shower and wondering what might be wrong with you.

Though you may think your friend got pregnant in no time, it may not be the case. After all, a lot of people keep their fertility struggles to themselves. Conceiving isn’t a competition, so be gentle with yourself and try to understand that your journey may not look the same as others.

If you feel overcome by negative feelings and can’t be around pregnant people without starting to compare yourself, seek the help of a therapist, counsellor or even a dear friend. The simple fact of talking about your pain will not only make you feel safe, but also help you put things into perspective.

If you’re feeling angry or sad when a friend announces her pregnancy, don’t repress or deny your feelings, and give yourself some time to get them all out. Write or talk about your pain to your partner or someone else you trust, let it all out.

READ ALSO: How To Achieve Pregnancy Despite Hyperprolactenemia, PCOS & Other Hormone Imbalance Problems- Fertility Expert, Abayomi Ajayi

It’s okay to say you’d rather not talk about your fertility experience to give you the space to work through your feelings. Communicating your boundaries will allow you to open up about your difficult time.

The first thing to do is to admit that you’re having a tough time. So many women who are going through fertility treatments maintain a strong facade instead of admitting to and accepting their own struggle.

You deserve extra love and care so why not try and do one of those things you’ve always wanted to do? Whatever is on your bucket list, go out and do it.

Source: PUNCH

Copyright © 2021 Motherhood In-Style Magazine. All Rights Reserved.