Finding out a partner is unfaithful is never easy – but most people would rather know the truth than remain in the dark about their significant other’s infidelities/unfaithfulness.
Infidelity can be traumatic and is one of the more challenging problems faced in a relationship. While many people are blindsided if and when they find out about a spouse or partner cheating, others may suspect infidelity because of actions that are out of the norm.
There are certain behavioral changes, curious actions, and odd occurrences that, together, may back up your unfortunate hunch.
It was love at first sight when Sandra Johnson and her better half, Christopher Johnson, met at a wedding in Calabar, Cross River State in December 2015.
They got talking on the spot and wasted no time in expressing mutual feelings for each other. The relationship kicked off on a right footing and reached a crescendo in months. By 2016, they were wed.
Initially, Sandra was engrossed in the overwhelming expression of love by Johnson so much that it blinded her attention to some of his traits. Having to spend more time together after marriage, she began to notice that her husband was defaulting on the marital vows. She told PUNCH:
“I find out that many times, he does not tell the truth. If I raise an eyebrow, he will look for every means to talk me out of the issue and apologise. Yet, he would repeat a similar thing next time.”
Sandra stated that such acts had become so consistent that she suspected her husband might be cheating on her even though he always expresses affection for her. She said,
“He has different beautiful pet names for me and always assures me of his love. But I find it disturbing that he hardly keeps to promises and hides things for me. Whenever I eventually find out about his insincere acts, it pains me.
“I have not caught him in any extramarital affairs but his actions make me suspicious of him. I have a feeling that his love for me is not genuine.”
Undoubtedly, a number of spouses are in Sandra’s shoes with some of them still having difficulty to figure out their partners’ unfaithfulness.
It is said that lack of sincerity is one of the prominent indicators of infidelity. Sometimes lovers are able to suspect that their partners are not being faithful, but other times they get completely blinded.
Experts have identified some signs to look out for in a relationship with unfaithful partners. Some 10 pointers to look out for in unfaithful partners are highlighted as follows…
Lying and hiding information
If you have seen your partner lie to other people, then there is every tendency you are or will be a victim. While telling white lies in a relationship once in a while could be reasonable, it is worrisome when it becomes a habit for a lover to stretch the truth.
Also, hiding an important piece of information is considered the same as telling an outright lie. One of the easiest ways to know your partner is not being faithful with you is the amount of details they are willing to give. A partner who wants to avoid telling the complete truth about an issue won’t get into the specifics; they will only gloss over it.
“An insincere and faithful partner will be someone who says ‘A’ and you find out that the person actually means ‘B.’ They will not be straightforward. For example, you cannot clearly say where they will be at a particular point in time. You can’t predict their movement,”
a counsellor based in Ogun State, Dr Adebusola Okedele, said.
Inconsistency in words and actions
Words can be meaningless especially if they lack the physical and actual proof beyond the carefully-arranged group of letters. In a romantic relationship, for example, colourful and flowery adjectives may have the power to keep your love alive, but without actions, they will only fade with time.
It all sounds good to say “I love you” but it only rings true if the words are married to actions. Sincerity is proved by consistent action over a course of time.
Hence, a partner is advised to pay attention to such. If a spouse is a week on and two weeks off as regards the truth value of your engagements, it is a strong sign that they are as sincere as they would like you to believe.
If you want to be faithful in your relationship, make sure that you can stay true to your words and do your best in making your partner feel special through consistent actions and actual gestures.
Also, a marriage counsellor based in Ibadan, Oyo State, Samuel Umesi, identified a change of attitude as one of the signs to watch out for in an unfaithful partner. He said,
“There will be a change in behavioural patterns in terms of response you get from your partner over time having studied them. Also, when a partner starts becoming defensive about everything or a particular issue that they could have opened up on, it is a clear indication that such partner is not sincere.”
Promises are easy to make but keeping to them requires deliberate efforts. If your partner is one who seldom keeps to their promise, it is an obvious sign of dishonesty and a pointer to infidelity.
Sincerity requires that you only make the promises you can keep. Don’t let your partner hope for something that will never even happen. Be humble and sincere enough to only offer what you can deliver.
Not creating time to spend together
Time can be so fast-paced especially if a partner or both have jobs with highly demanding schedules. Nevertheless, it is said that people make time for what they want. So, if your partner is serious about you, they will be just as serious about spending time with you – even when it’s not most convenient for them.
The level of attention shown by a partner goes a long way in determining if they are faithful or not. Their sincere interest in you would make them notice every little thing about you. Things like your favourite fun places, the dress you like to wear, when you are stressed, among others.
Your interests are only visible to people who are looking beneath the surface. Their thoughtfulness will serve as a sign of their sincere interest in you.
A counselling psychologist, Mrs Oluwatosin Togun, said,
“There is also emotional distance. You will notice that an unfaithful partner is no longer emotionally involved with you and there is limited romance in such a marriage.
Such a partner also pays less attention to your physical looks. There are also fewer sexual activities. Attraction is the mother of romance. When a person is not physically attracted to you such a person cannot be romantically attracted to you.”
Unwilling to make sacrifices
The stakes in a relationship could be high but with sincerity and commitment, they are achievable. An unfaithful spouse will likely not put their heart to what is required to keep the relationship going.
Sometimes, sincerity is revealed when you work so hard on something that will put a smile on your partner’s face. Your thoughts, efforts, and willingness to accomplish these things will show how you appreciate and love your partner.
Okedele said unfaithful partners “are always very secretive,” and reluctant to let their lovers meet with people that are important in their lives.
“A partner that is not truthful will tell you there is no need to let people know about your relationship,” she added.
Togun noted that an unfaithful partner would hide their phones, financial status, among other sensitive things.
“Another thing is withdrawal symptoms in the form of communication. The communication starts dwindling and such an unfaithful person is not willing to spend time together with their spouse. It starts with psychological separation because infidelity affects the mind. There is a mind shift and you notice that the person is not paying attention when you are conversing.”
Couples get tired of a relationship as time goes by. Even the best long-term relationships can be boring sometimes; it is normal. However, it calls a partner’s faithfulness to question when the burnout slides into a complete decline.
After being married for a while, you might realise that what he thought was love was actually lust and excitement. But because he was comfortable, he would insist that he loves you, even though the emotional distance continues to widen.
Unsolved relationship problems
One of the most annoying things about relationships is when there seems to be unsolvable problems. If your partner does something that bothers you and you point it out, it is expected that some amends would be made and a recurrence prevented.
If the same problem resurfaces two weeks later and then a month thereafter, it becomes a vicious cycle in the relationship. Most importantly, it shows that your partner is not being honest with you. The recurring problem could mean a decline in the level of interest in the relationship and can ultimately lead to a breakup.
Your partner’s intentions and feelings about you should be clear. You shouldn’t be forced to guess how he feels about you or lie about it when you ask. When it comes to a relationship, assumptions are never good. They can be misleading and hurtful.
Often, people intentionally try to keep themselves ambiguous because they know it will have you wrapped around their finger. A truly faithful partner would be straightforward and transparent with you, because they are more focused on getting to know each other more and more.
Source: www.inspiringtips.com, www.essence.com and www.vocalmedia.com