The Iwumenes Gleefully Shares On ‘How We’ve Been Living In Peace, Joy For 35 Years’
Emmanuel Iwumene, an automobile engineer and his wife, Mrs. Obiageri Iwuemene, a businesswoman, have been married for 35 years and blessed with three boys and a girl.
In an interview with DailySun, the Iwuemenes tell the secret to their 35-year successful marriage and also dish out some advice for young and intending couples.
How did you meet your wife?
Mr Emmanuel: My wife is Oby from Mbieri in Mbaitoli Local Government Area (Imo State). I met her when I was riding my motorcycle then. It was in Port Harcourt, Rivers State. I used to buy goods from her mother at Mile 1 Market. She smiles a lot. Anytime I bought goods from the mother, she (Oby) would carry it and tie on my motorcycle. That time, she was still a small girl.
One day, I saw her along the road and asked her what she was doing. She told me she was learning hair dressing. I asked the area and address. She told me the area, but declined knowledge of the address.
It was at last that I discovered that she deliberately refused to give me the address. I told her that I was not coming to deceive her, but for marriage. That was how I met her. At that time, she told me the address; I went there and confirmed it was true.
Do you agree with him, or you have something to add?
Madam Oby: I agree with him. That was how it happened. Very correct.
What convinced you that she would be your wife?
Mr Emmanuel: Before I met her, I had another girl. I told myself that jumping from one girl to another would not help me. After I had told her my mind, I put my car for sale. I told God that if it is His will, let the car be sold within two weeks. When I told her my intention to sell the car, she was surprised and asked me my reason.
I told her if God has sanctioned both of us to marry, let Him confirm it by selling it. Surprisingly, within a week, I sold the car. It was then that I became convinced that she is my wife. But, before she gave me consent, she insisted on knowing my shop and village.
When I took her to my mother in the village, she (my mother) said she was exactly the type of girl she wants as daughter-in-law. In fact, my mother said she would not go back to Port Harcourt that night.
Her family members went and arrested the woman she was working for, that she should produce their daughter. Her mother and siblings did that. She told them that a man came and said he would marry her and took her to his village.
How long have you been into relationship when this happened?
Madam Emmanuel: We were about two months into courtship. However, I begged my mother that she should allow us to leave early morning. During our time, our mothers would want to spend days with their would-be daughter-in-law to check and observe one or two things from girl. My mother reluctantly agreed and we left for Port Harcourt early morning.
What was your reaction when you learnt her mistress was detained?
Mr Emmanuel: Though within this time, her family members had known me, she sneaked away to trace my village. It wasn’t her intention or plan to sleep at home. When we arrived at the police station, I told her family members that I was the person that took her home because I wanted to marry her and show her to my mother. I told them the truth, and it calmed the tension.
How did you feel when it dawned on you that your family members have discovered you travelled without their consent?
Madam Oby: It wasn’t a small thing. When I returned, my brothers, especially the most elder one, beat me up. They said I have never behaved like that before. We have four boys, two girls. I am the first girl.
They were not happy at all for what happened. They said he had not done anything and marriage was not done that way. Because of that development, my brothers carried my box containing personal effects, and decided that, I would, henceforth, live and go to work from their house.
What did your parents do at this point?
Madam Oby: My father is late. It was my mother that trained and brought us up. I looked at my mother to defend me. She couldn’t do anything. She said my brothers had said all. I was helpless. My mother said she is a woman, that she would follow whatever her first son has said.
But, later, my mother called and asked me where he (Emmanuel) is from. I told her. But, my brothers were not happy with the development at all. They said three suitors had proposed to me and I decided to behave the way I did. I didn’t know what to do or say, and the suitors were from my community (Mbieri).
Why did I decide to go to Agbaja, a community they did not know in another local government? Later, my mother approached them and said, if I have explained my reason, they should forgive me and consider my explanation, that among all the suitors that have been coming, I had not accepted anyone.
My mother said since it’s the same Imo State, that they should consider him (Emmanuel). But their anger increased.
Since they did not listen to your mother, did you obey by living with them?
Madam Oby: I noticed that my mother could not pacify them. They insisted and carried my property. I also refused to follow them. Early morning, I went to my aunt’s house. My brothers respect and fear her. Meanwhile, that my father’s sister had before brought a suitor to me. I explained everything to her.
Was there any special way you proposed to her?
Mr Emmanuel: I know it was not the first day I met her that I proposed to her. But, my instinct told me that she would be the kind of woman that can control me because of the lifestyle I had. I wasn’t rough, but I enjoy good time. Though, it wasn’t pronounced, I was petting her so that she could accept to marry me. I was using gradual process until it matured. So, there wasn’t any special way.
How did you accept his proposal?
What conviction did you get that he would be your husband?
Madam Oby: After I tabled the matter for intercessory prayer, I was also praying on my own. While I was seeing him in dreams, one or two other persons in the group were also getting revelation of him. One day, I decided to open up to a sister and brother in the Lord in the group about the dream.
I didn’t even know he is from the same community with my husband. They advised that I should leave the other suitors and marry Emmanuel. That was how it happened. Most importantly, for that my aunt to intervene by telling my brothers to allow me marry my choice was another conviction.
Why did you pick her for marriage in place of other girls?
Mr Emmanuel: Well, that time, I was a young guy with some cash. I had a girl I wanted to marry then, but my mind was telling me repeatedly that if I go into marriage with her, I would die. I ran away.
So, when I saw how Oby was serving me any time I went to her mother’s shop to buy goods, I resolved that she would be the best woman for me. Within the short period I was studying and monitoring her, I saw wisdom in her. In fact, at the early stage I met her, I would sneak to a “joint” close to where they lived to monitor.
And I was satisfied with information I got from people in the neighbourhood about her. Most importantly, as a rough person, I needed a girl with calm spirit, who would be able to calm me. I found this in her. I was too rough in spending money. So, I needed somebody (female) who could control me.
Mr Emmanuel: Yes. She succeeded very well. In fact, she built this house. I would tell you that, if she wasn’t with me, I couldn’t have achieved this.
How did she achieve it?
Mr Emmanuel: Before I married, I could spend all my money at once. But, as I married her, she would be targeting when I would be paid. And once she noticed that I had been paid because I was working in a company, she would collect the money from me, count it and give me a certain amount. She would keep the rest. It would be paining me. But, I would be enduring it.
From every indication, your wife was opposed by her brothers from marrying you. Did you have such opposition in your family?
Any remarkable experience or incident during or after traditional or church wedding?
Mr Emmanuel: During the traditional wedding, the way I danced was extraordinary. I felt, so, I have succeeded in marrying her? I felt like carrying her up throughout the dancing time.
Madam Oby: The most remarkable incident was that, after the traditional wedding, in Igbo culture, there was something they (my husband family) were supposed to do for my late father. My uncle, who received the bride price, did not give my late father the traditional rite.
I followed my husband and his people home that night as Igbo culture demands. Very early in the morning, my uncle rushed down to Agbaja to my husband, saying that, that night, my father almost killed him. He said my father held his throat in the dream, asking him why he (my uncle) denied him his traditional rite. According to my uncle, he begged and begged before my late father left him.
Can you recall the first misunderstanding you had as a couple and how you settled it?
Madam Oby: One day, I told him that as a married man, that he was supposed to live as such. And I don’t feel happy if as my husband, you can’t show me the right way.
I told him to live as somebody that wants to succeed in life, so that the future would be bright for us. That day, he became angry and talked to me harshly. I knew how I was brought up by my mother and I wanted to maintain the way I was trained. But, at last, he realised his mistake and apologised.
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How do you solve your misunderstanding?
Mr Emmanuel: My wife knows me, I don’t keep grudges. If I offend her and see that she doesn’t want to talk to me, I also pretend to be angry to check how she would behave. After a while, I would approach her and apologise to her. In fact, if I go out, while coming back, I buy something very tangible to please her.
Madam Oby: Most times, he is the one that offends me not me. But, if in any way I talked to him the way he didn’t like, I would approach him and apologise. I would call him his guy name.
Mr Emmanuel: I call her several names, but not pet name.
Madam, when your husband offends you, what name do you call him?
Madam Oby: I call him Papa Junior.
What advice do you have for bachelors?
Madam, what’s your advice for spinsters?
Madam Oby: Spinsters should leave greed and covetousness. Otherwise, they cannot go into marriage and succeed. In most cases, already-made marriages crash. So, they should allow God to lead them.
What advice do you have for married couples?
Mr Emmanuel: Couples should learn to trust and confide in each other. Especially, men should let their wives know their movements.