Dads’ Profile: Donald Emordi Nwankwo
Donald Emordi Nwankwo, (47) is Sales and Marketing Manager, Mercedes Benz Automobile Services. He is married to Nneka Mary Nwankwo and dad to Olisa Jr. (13) and Nnenna (8).
How long you’ve been married?
“15 years.”
Do you think today’s fathers have it harder, or easier or just different?
“I’ll say it is harder. Coming from a traditional African perspective, men are expected to bring in the income but with the present economic downtime, more men are encouraging their wives to start a business to augment their income. Of course, it’s because they cannot do it on their own. Then again, it is difficult for some men whose wives earn more than they do. Their authority as fathers and head of the home is questioned. All these realities make it harder for most men.”
You witnessed the birth of your children, what was it like for you?
“It was really challenging for my wife and I, more so for my wife. My wife and I are big, so both kids were big with my son coming in at 4.5 kg. After about 24 hours of labour, my wife had to resort to Caesarian operation. It was traumatizing. That’s why I waited for 5 years before we had Nnenna. She was also a big baby and the experience was more or less the same. I don’t think I want to go through that again…or my wife for that matter.”
Top parenting challenges…
“Well, first, both deliveries were challenging. Secondly, my son, Olisa had a speech deficiency and had to get speech therapy for eight years running. We also did a couple of operations and you know these things don’t cost peanuts. The defect is gone now, he’s good. Nnenna is asthmatic, so she’s prone to attacks, although, we have taught her how to recognize the symptoms early and what to do if an attack occurs. The only snag is that she is more or less a tom boy and wants to do the same things that her brother does; before you know it, she starts gasping for breath; she also can’t do a lot of the physical activities in school.”
Your children’s most amazing milestone
“For Olisa, it was when he finally and totally got over the speech defect. Nnenna has been enjoying a smooth ride. She is always in the first or second position in class and has been chosen as a prefect in her class.”
What roles do you play in enforcing discipline?
“They say ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ but that’s a very last resort. I tend to do more of counseling even though their mum is quick to smack, you know, she spends more time with them. Counseling has worked so far.”
Bonding activities with your children
“The nature of my work demands that I travel a lot, so I don’t get to spend more time with them. We spend weekends together though. I spend it at home watching movies or go shopping with them. When we go shopping, I allow them pick some stuff even if my wife has given me a list (she doesn’t come with us). Olisa is growing up, so I talk to him like a man and he is mature. When I have a bad a day at work and I come back with a long face, he says stuff like, ‘Don’t worry dad, tomorrow will be better.’”
Fondest daddy moment
“Vacation time is usually my fondest; I try to make sure we go on vacation at least once a year. My fondest vacation time is the most recent, between the 20th and 29th of December last year when we went to Calabar, Cross-Rivers State. We visited Ogudu and Tinapa. I planned it long before time. I have a lot of friends in Calabar, including the wife of the Governor who was my classmate, so we got a good place to stay.
I had them fly in while I drove down a day earlier and picked them from the airport. I brought a cook with me so my wife didn’t have to wake up to cook or do chores. They enjoyed it so much that they said, ‘Daddy, why did we spend money going to Kenya and other countries when we can come to Calabar?’ I felt very joyful. I’m hoping this year we’ll be able to go somewhere with another family. There are things we could learn from the other parents and the fun will be more since we have more than the usual faces.”
What makes a great dad? What makes a bad one?
“If you are a good or bad dad, the result will show. It will show in your interaction with the kids. If you have all the money in the world, you still have to spend quality, fun time getting to know them and to give the best assistance or guidance they need.”
On a scale of 1- 10, 10 being best, how would you rate yourself as a dad and why?
“I’ll say between 7 and 8. I say that just because I don’t spend as much time with them as I know I ought to, so even if I need to go see a friend, I take them along and it makes them happy.”
What do you wish you’d done or could do differently as a dad?
“Well, I wish I had spent more time with them. My wife who spends more time with them has to make some decisions alone and when I come back, the kids start reporting her to me. I try to create a balance; let them know where they went wrong and tell them what to do to make peace with mummy.”
The secret to raising well-rounded kids in your opinion
“It takes personal management. If you cannot manage yourself well, I don’t think you will be able manage children. As young as they are, they are more intelligent than we think they are. That they don’t say all they hear or see doesn’t mean they are unintelligent, so you should model good behavior and be honest with them. If they ask a question that you can’t answer, tell them you cannot answer them now rather than lie.”