Memoirs of a Mum: ‘My Son Is Now A Man’ – Chinwe Kalu

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My son came home from school with his sister and she kept going on that he had something to share with me, something to tell me. He would just give me a huge smile, saying, ‘Mummy, I will tell you, just wait a while.’ He never did.

I had actually forgotten about the whole thing when my daughter announced to me one evening, ‘Your son is now a man’. ‘Is that so?’ I asked. ‘How is that? What happened?’ She answered, ‘He finally asked a girl out.’ I didn’t know if I should laugh out loud. That was my first inclination, even though I was perplexed. I sent him to school to learn, for goodness sake.

‘Oh, that means he now has a girlfriend,’ I needed to sound calm. I did not want to shut down the gist by reacting the way I truly felt. And she answered, ‘No, the girl said no.’ At this time I was truly perplexed. How does getting a ‘no’ from a girl amount to becoming a man? I could not quite get it. Blame it on my generation. It’s a bit tough for us to ‘get’ these things.

And my daughter said to me, ‘Mummy you don’t get it, he is now a man because he had the boldness and courage to ask her out. It does not matter what answer he gets, the important thing is that he asked.’ I was relieved.

Much as I would like my son to become a man, I thought he could instead occupy his young mind with more productive stuff than asking girls out. But, I started to think about the whole thing and I realized it must have been a great fit for my son, because he stammers. I can imagine him going over the entire scene repeatedly in his mind. He has always been a very cautious person. Even as a baby, he did not start walking until he was about a year. I don’t remember him falling very often as he perfected his walking skills. He would take a firm sure step before he takes another. He’s just that type of person. He might have discussed it with a few friends, maybe his best friend. He doesn’t talk much.

Then, he might have prayed about it, might have. I have always taught him to pray about issues, no matter how big or small. Then he would think through the lines to use the words repeatedly, before finally getting around to do it. The entire process can safely be called a ‘Baptism into Manhood’. He conceived the idea, thought it through and actually tried it out. That is the beginning of living the life of his dreams. I bless God that the young girl he asked had the sense to know it was just a shot at manhood and nothing to be taken seriously.

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I am just an old fashioned Mum. I still remember his first school picture which he took towards the end of his first year in kindergarten. He was almost four, very cute, very handsome, and of course very innocent. That is the picture I hold unto.

I truly hope that this manhood process becomes useful as he grows and blossoms into the man of his dreams.