Dear MIMsters: If I Leave Him, Would I Be Doing The Right Thing?
I got married last year February and I have a 6 months-old baby girl. Would I be doing the right thing if I left a husband like mine?
Few months after we got married, robbers attacked us. I was pregnant then. Hubby told me that if the robbers had raped me, he would have ended our marriage. That broke my heart.
He always goes out and comes in late, when he is home, he’s always with his phone, chatting. If I complain, he tells me it’s a modern marriage and he hates straight jacket marriages where one lose their freedom because they are married.
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He doesn’t have a password to his phone but he warned me that I am on my own if I check his phone because of the things I will see. I did check his phone one day, saw his chats with a woman. He asked her to send him some porno and nudes, so he will imagine he is having sex with her. He also he sent a picture of his penis to another lady, telling her to check his dick after marriage.
I confronted him but he told me that they are just meaningless chats. These ladies are his ex. He told me it will take time before he stops being friends with them. All these are killing me. I know mothers in the house will ask me to pray. How can you pray if the person you are praying for does not see the need for change?
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I think gone are the days where mothers stay in bad marriages because of their children. I am a graduate with a good job. I will be going for my Masters next year. I want to divorce him and take care for my child. And because of this, I don’t want to get pregnant again so I am going for family planning. But, I need to know, would I be doing the right thing?
Message.. My dear honestly na u wey wear shoe kw hw e dey pain u so advice urself cus de best advice is gonna be frm u. If u tink u cnt cope move on den bt if u wanna endire n stay its also left 4 u. Sorry n seriously sm men dnt jst kw wht de hv till de lose it stupid set of ingrate in human form tinkin de re doin ladies favour by marryin dem mtcheww
I can only advocate for divorce whem there is a case of domestic violence,how are u sure that the next man will not be worst than him
Message..how can you say she doesn’t know what the nxt man might do to her.what if the same fate befalls you. If you don’t have something reasonable to say just be quite mtchwwww.
I can only advocate for divorce when there is a case of domestic violence,how are u sure that the next man will not be worst than him
I dnt knw ur hubby’s emotional maturity level or d circumstances surrounding ur marriage but he doesnt sound like a man who is ready 4 marriage.Some men eventually outgrow this exuberance but will u be patient enough?My only fear in this is his contracting any STD.I only advise divorce on d ground of domestic violence.So jst ignore him n insist on condom whenever u guys hit d sheets
Nothing women no go see for marriage. I wish I knew what to tell you.
Maturity is a get way to every sphere of life. The guy is not matured at all.ignore him for now & move on with ur life. Divorce is a no no for now. Let see if he will come back with his senses.
My dear, it’s you decision to make. But whatever you decide, we will stand by u. I don’t discriminate divorcees
U better leave that silly ass man alone. He is not ready to be married at all.
Message..
That man hs nt acepted d fact hez nw a married man. U cn talk 2 smone he respects.. Or else gv him space n if he dosnt adjust then hez nt worth d trouble…
The best thing is to walk away, he has no respect for u or for the marriage.
There is no greener grass out there. All I can say is that you should ignore his cheating habit and concentrate on your child while still married to him. By the time he realises he is all alone it will done on him to turn a new leaf. There are better way to deal with a cheat than divorce cos if you divorce him you are only telling him he won while you lost cos that won’t stop him rather it will push him into the hand of other women.
Don’t divorce him yet. U can either separate or do your own too but faking it. Men are more jealous and if hour complains tell him it’s because he wants an open marriage. You can change a family member name or friends name to a guy nd always flash the no even if u don’t want to talk but the history will be there. Anytime he’s around, speak on the phone in a Sexy way to someone or just to yourself nd.make sure he’s hearing it. Send messages too or chat with the persons u will change her name. U can even start chatting ur ex too. Men are fond of that thinking marriage is for them and women needs to.work hard to keep it cuz they feel.its only important to us. Do these things nd see him change. Even on sats or Sunday, talk on the phone nd tell the phone u r coming nd leave the house. It can just be u going to fast-food to just buy meat pie. Trust me, he will change cuz he feels u can’t do such or u r married with a child and no man will toast u. Good luck
av nvr Bn a fan of divorce n I can’t advice u quit.u can on pray tings get better
Frm ur write up I could dictate pride in ur husband bt all d same u must ve patience concentrate on ur baby and ur career let him knw he’s nt as important as he feels
Separate from him and give him space to either miss you or say, ” to hell with you”. During this period of separation, ask God in one word to let His will be done. If things later turns out well and he’s remorseful, fine, if not kick his ass and move on. Marriage does not define whom you are, you got ur life to enjoy and life is short.
Dear poster, I am commenting from your last statement that says, ” I want to divorce him and take care for my child. And because of this, I don’t want to get pregnant again so I am going for family planning”. After divorce, what do you need family planning for? Do you want to start fornicating with other men? That should never be at the back of your mind at all. If this man married you properly, then you must not leave him unless he is not willing to change. This is the time to prove your genuine love – give him a second chance. Now you first need to think out of the box. Who can you tell this problem? God first of cause. Then meet either a counselor or someone you both know that he respects so much. Tell him in their presence that you wish to file for a divorce based on these acts of his but if he is ready to change, you promise to stick to him. He will be warned. Then you forgive him. Sure you will catch him again if he doesn’t change and then that determines your next action. But I beg you in the name of God to please stay away from any man after your divorce cos being single is not a sin if it is due to the right reasons. God Himself will judge fornicators. He said they will not inherit His Kingdom (1Cor.6:9-10). Please dear, do not go for any family planning after divorce, do not fornicate. God will help you be strong. You can only pray that God brings your own man your way if you want.
Message..does are really strong words
Thank you
I’m sure it will help a lot of readers
Thank you again
For those that say they advocate divorce in d case of domestic violence,pls which part of scripture allows this? D bible only allowe divorce in d case of iinfidelity but then we are being perfected n God hates divorce irrespective of reason. Forgiveness is a virtue. Even if it’s undeserved .afterall that’s how Christ loved us.
God hates Divorce. Am sure u must have seen the sign b4 goin in2 dat marriage. But. I tink u shld go with the advise of the person who said u shld separate for a yl. Lucky u. U said ursef u’l soon travel 4ur Masters. May God give u d wisdom 2pull thru dis phase. Rmain blessd
Message.the way I see marriages now scares me and I wonder if I will ever get married cos I’m Emotionally weak.
No comment
Pls remain in dt marriage since he has not told u himself to move out, go for family planning incase so u would nt get pregnant for him again jst kip studying nau nd be praying for God to change him. God bless
marriage is 4 mature adult,from what i read ur hubby has nt gotten 2 dt stage yet, exercise patience, are u telling me dt u did not notice all dis, b4 marriage?
Having gone through most of the comet above, i want to react from another point of view. I will like to say it emphatically that your problem started immediately you took a step ahead to check his phone, although he warns you beforehand, with my research so far on marriage, I discovered that most couples face challenges in their first 2 or 3yrs of their marriage, it depend the way they handle it, will determine if they will still go together or file for divorce – ask mature couple they will tell you better(understanding each other, Patience and unconditional love help them alot). Your husband knows he has problem thats why he said you should give him some time and to be candid he didnt put password on his phone. DONT FILE FOR DIVORCE a devil you know is far better than angel you dont know, PLEASE HELP THIS DEVIL TO BECOME AN ANGEL.