9 Things to Restrain From Saying When Disciplining Your Child
The words you say to your child will have a lasting impact on how your child feels about you, as well as how he feels about himself. When your child misbehaves, choose your words carefully. Here are nine things you should never say when disciplining your child:
1. âYou act just like…!â
Telling your child his misbehavior reminds you of someone elseâwhether itâs the other parent or some other person whose behavior you donât appreciateâisnât helpful.
Even comparisons that are meant to be a little more positive, like âWhy canât you sit at the table quietly like your sister does?â can be downright damaging. Honor your childâs unique spirt and make it clear that heâs his own person.
2. âYouâre such a troublemaker!â
Labelling your child as âa little monsterâ or âmy mischievous one,â could become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3. âStop crying or Iâll give you something to cry about.â
Discipline your childâs behavior, but not the emotion. Kids need to know that their emotions are OK, but that itâs the behavior that is unacceptable. If your child is crying because he feels sad, donât tell him he should feel differently. If however, heâs screaming and behaving in a disruptive manner, give him a consequence and coach him to use healthier coping skills to deal with uncomfortable emotions in the future.
4. âHave you learned your lesson yet?â
Discipline should be about teaching your child to learn from mistakes, not shaming him for messing up. Asking him if heâs learned his lesson implies that consequences were meant to punish, not teach. A better question might be, âWhat could you do differently next time?â to ensure he understands how he can make a better choice in the future.
5. âJust wait until your father gets home!â
Donât imply that the other parent is the real disciplinarian and you canât handle misbehavior. This will only set up an unhealthy family dynamic where you paint yourself as incapable and the other parent as an ogre. The most effective consequences are given immediately so try to deal with behavior problems in the moment.
6. âThanks for picking that up. Why canât you do that every time?â
Never try to disguise criticism as praise. Itâs insulting and ineffective. Praise your child for good behavior. Say, âIâm so happy you put your dish in the sink right when I asked you to!â While there are times where itâs appropriate to offer instruction, keep your praise genuine and avoid giving those back-handed compliments.
7. âYouâre making me mad right now!â
One of the things mentally strong parents donât do, is blame their children for their emotions. Take personal responsibility for your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings and donât tell your child that heânor anyone elseâhas the power to make you feel anything. A better way to frame your frustration is to say something like, âI really donât like the choice youâre making today.â
8. âStop arguing with me.â
It takes two people to argue and each time you remind your child to stop arguing, youâre keeping the disagreement going. Offer a warning, follow through with a consequence, or simply use selective ignoring to put an end to an argument.
9. âIâm not going to tell you again.â
Repeating your directions is a bad habit, and reminding your child that you arenât going to keep repeating your directions is an even worse habit. Nagging sends the message that your child doesnât need to listen the first time. If your child doesnât follow through the first time you give instructions, use an ifâŠthen warning that clearly explains what will happen if he doesnât follow through with your directions.
What would you add to this list?
Source: about
We say some of these things not because we really meant it but out of annoyance. Still learning though.
Lovely and timely reminder. this is worth the effort
Hmm, thanks for sharing this. So timely.
I hate 3 and 4 loool. Thanks for sharing MIM.
So insightful! Thanks MIM for this great tips.
Tnkx for sharing.
Tnx admin though its never easy
Tnx for sharing
Its not easy o but l will be more careful.Thanks
Waoh. I am guilty of 5 and 9 especially when I don’t want to about so much but I have learnt better now.
I do a lot of this. Thanks mim
Message.. Thanks for sharing
Hmm mm… Learning!!
Taken
Thanks for sharing
Soooooo guilty,
I have learnt
Nice one. Thanks.
I love this piece cuz with anger u won’t even m kw when you say it
THANKS FOR THIS.