Dear MIM Readers: How Do I Avoid A Competitive MIL?
My husband is the only child of his mother. I guess her husband did not give her much attention so she poured all her attention on her son, my husband. She practically worships him.
From the information I gathered from those who grew up with him, they confirmed she worships him and he in turn returns the love. Now me on the other hand, did not get to have much love growing up so I really desired to marry a guy who I can love and he too loves me right back.
Apparently from day ONE of marriage, my MIL felt threatened that her son’s love for her will be divided. She has made a lot of moves to still be number 1 in his life. Well, after a while, it was obvious his body was with me but his heart belonged to his mom. It was worse then when I did not have a child.
When I gave birth and she realised that her son’s attention will be divided she came up with another strategy. She would give me gifts. At first, I thought it was a great start until I realised that she tells her son everything she does for me, even when she calls me, she tells him. If I go to her for advise on anything she turns it into how wonderful her son is. It’s practically difficult to discuss even parenting topics with her without her making it about her son.
When I’m pregnant and need the comfort of a mother, (my mum is late), it is difficult to talk to without mentioning her son. I talked to my husband about this and he fully supported her that it is in their yoruba culture for a MIL to tell her son everything she does or says to the DIL.
My question is: how do I avoid her and her gifts without appearing rude as she is going to use it to collect stars from her son so she gets his attention all the time? I am tired of competing with her for his attention.
m short of words, lemme tk a bark, brb
m short of words, lemme tk a brk, brb
I understand how u feel @ poster, u can accept her gifts but u have to discuss with your hubby n tell him exactly how u feel n what u expect of him as your husband
Honestly, I don’t see this as an issue. #myopinion
Hmmmmmm this one is dicey oh. Don’t even know what to say. You both play different roles in his life and I think no one should try and play the others role.
Hmmmm! Am in short of words my dear go on ur kneel with a serious fasting ad do wat is cld seperation prayer or u look for a genue man of God to assist u this is nt funny.
Stop the competition, just make sure you play your role as a wife to him not as his mother. Believe me those kind of MILs will always win especially him being her only child. Your husband need a lot of growing up to do. I understand what you are going through perfectly well. Respect her but keep your distance.
Hmmm madam all I can say is you should endure and be praying so that in quest of trying to get affection you will then loose your hubby.
Your d one who see her as a competition to her she’s jst being nice to u as her daughter in law your jst jealous of mother and son relationship Pls don’t cause trouble where there is non
Use her strategy against her. Start buying her gift’s and start telling ur hubby every hood thing u do with her before she tells ur hubby
Well in my opinion l dnt see a problem here.Trust me if u see a real baby husband(mummy’s boy),u will count ur own as minor.From ur write up,she doesnt quarell or nag u.U’ve not seen a hubby that discusses everything with mum b4 taking any decision n d wife’s opinion doesn’t matter.Pls relax
My dear honestly dunno what to say here cause am equally confuse cause the woman here is the mother n u the wife so the man been ur husband have vital roles to play concerning these great women in his life. He shouldn’t let mother or wife come btwn the two’s so he need to act as a man n buckle up cus he’s nw a married ma n shuld live up to his expectation towards his wife cause even de bible said what God has joined togeda let no man put asunder so please have a talk wt him but If you think its beyond you then call on God..
the best u can do for yourself is,ignore everything about her.. greet her,do what u wanna do for her but when she begins trouble,act like u did nt see her and the troubles…. accept her gift,show it to ur hubby,drop it one side,even if u need that thing she gave u,go get urs,just be jam packing the gifts and she wil knw u are tired of the gift… Most of all,u have to swallow most of the things she does,dnt tell evrytin to hubby bcus he wil stil take sides with her… DONT BE THE REASON Y UR HUBBY N MUM WILL HAVE PROBLEM
Honestly, what’s the issue here???? Must women make every little thing an issue??
I don’t see any issue here honestly. Poster u are only disturbing and competing with yourself.
Madam ur d one competing wit ur mil, just love her like ur Husband does and watch ur Husband love u, don’t expect to have secrets with any of then cos it’s d 3 of u in d marriage, use ur head and do d maths. D woman wants love and attention suffocate her with love n attention, until ur Husband gets jealous. Marriage is mathematics, always do d maths as a woman to get wat u want.
Be yourself, stop the competition, what are u competing for? he is ur hubby and she is the mother of your hubby and nobody can change that…use your no. 6
As far as I’m concern there’s no competition here and if at all there is as u claimed then u stop it u r his wife and she is his mother… D woman is only trying to maintain a relationship datt has bn existing b4 u came in which is normal wit mothers especially mothers wit a child or one son is nt abt u,jst assure her dat u love her too dat u r nt in their lives to cause division bt to be part of d family and relax ur mind is ur husband is ur home too jst let love rule
Hmmm i dont really know what to say
Just ignore them!
Honestly it’s the man that needs to step.up to his position as the man here…..the love for wife and mum are 2 different kinds of love so there shouldn’t be any form of competition. ..let the mum enjoy him one day she will move on