CHEATERS: 5 Wives Tell Why They Cheated On Their Husbands

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Ireyimika Oyegbami

Infidelity in marriage is a big issue in most climes. However, here in Nigeria; it is almost inconceivable that a married woman will cheat on her man. In Africa, we seem able to make excuses for the married man who cheats while there is something akin to a ‘no mercy’ policy if the table is turned and the woman, not the man, cheats.

Five women whose real names were not used, shared their personal experiences with infidelity on cosmopolitan.com they explained their actions thus;

• He was boring
Barbara Gisborne owns a winery in Australia along with her new husband, Bob. In between them, they have 5 children and 10 grandchildren. However, Barbara had not always been married to Bob nor had she always lived in Australia. When she was 35 years old, Barbara was living in Madison, Wisconsin, with her former loving husband and two children. She, however, was miserable, “My husband was a good man, but I was bored inside and out. In our community, I always felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.” While she was in Chicago on business that same year she met Bob on an elevator. Bob had come in from Australia. “We had an instant connection. We exchanged numbers, kept in touch, and I decided to fly out to Australia to see him and get him out of my system,” she says, “Instead, I fell in love.” She left it all behind; her hometown, her husband, her job and her country and she started her life over with Bob in Australia. “I became strong, independent, confident and much worldlier,” she says. “That was 25 years ago and now I can say that my affair was the turning point in my life’s journey.” She concludes.

• He was abusive
Elizabeth Smith started having an affair with another man when her marriage was just a little bit above a year old. In the 50 year-old woman’s words, “From the day I married my husband; I knew it was a mistake,”. “He was abusive, controlling, and expected me to quit my job to make a home for him.” Smith took on her male work colleague as a lover and said this about the affair, “I had no illusions that I was in love, but it was eye-opening to be with someone that made me feel good about myself, made me laugh, and respected me for who I was — not who he wanted me to be,” she said. “The affair helped me find myself and proved to me that I could live a life independent of my husband. It also gave me the courage to ask for a divorce. Twenty-five years later, I’m married to a wonderful man. We love making each other happy, and never try to change who the other person is.” She concluded.

• He was a workaholic
Barbara Singer lived as if she was not married for the duration of 10 years because her husband was never around. “Gary was totally consumed and exhausted by his work — there was nothing left for me,” she says. “I was totally committed to my family and gave it my all, but knew in my heart that I certainly did not want this for rest of my life.” On a certain night she met up with an acquaintance, Tom, and ended up staying out all night with him. Within a few weeks of meeting him, she ended her marriage and married Tom two year after. Within a month however, he died of a heart attack. “Meeting Tom was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. He came into my life and woke me up, showing me … that life is precious and that at any given moment, it can all be taken away, so if I have a dream or a goal, I better get moving on it.” Barbara concludes.

• He wanted kids
When 28 year old Vanessa Myers married her husband some 6 years ago she was okay with the fact that her husband wanted to have children. She, however, changed her mind after the wedding saying, “”I started to really love my job, and kids didn’t seem to fit into the picture.” her husband was hurt by this change and began to resent her. Vanessa says, “We started fighting a lot and I resented him for resenting me and we were just constantly hurting each other,” she bared it all saying; “One night I caught him trying to slip off the condom and that was pretty much the end of our sex life.” It seemed inevitable that someone was going to cheat on the other; Vanessa it was as she turned to the internet, “I met a guy online and we dated for about a year. It ended when my husband caught me.” Vanessa and her husband saved their marriage because they went through therapy. “The biggest lesson I learned was that if I was unhappy in my marriage, my husband was only 50 percent to blame.” Thus she concluded.

• He cheated first!
Just a year into her marriage and Larie Norvell found out that her husband had cheated on her already, “I was very angry, but I was also very hurt, because I felt like I wasn’t enough for him — like there was something I wasn’t doing for him as his wife, which is why he felt the need to go outside of our marriage,” said 33 year old Larie. Her hurt feelings then became the basis for her affair. “I cheated on him — mostly for revenge, but in retrospect, it was also because I wanted validation. I wanted to know that I was still desirable to other men,” she says. Once her affair was discovered, the couple separated for a few months; afterwards they sought for counselling and were able to salvage their marriage.

New York City psychologist Michael E. Silverman recommended diverse measures such as open communication, increasing the romance in your marriage and counselling as alternatives to cheating on a spouse. It is generally agreed that a woman who is unhappy in her marriage is likely to cheat as opposed to the married man who is prone to cheat merely for the excitement of illicit sex.