Memoirs Of A Mum: As I Begin To Empty My Nest

I woke up this morning to a very quiet house.

Recently, my family moved to East Africa, Tanzania to be precise. My husband was moving on to greener pastures and we all decided to take this huge gamble. We shut down everything. Everything but the boarding school my oldest child, Dikachi attends. He was entering the last class of middle school and was also due for major middle school exams. We didn’t think it was the best time to withdraw him from school.
Maruche, our first daughter and second child also passed the entrance exams to her brother’s school and so we felt they should stay together and get the same quality of education. And so, after a beautiful family holiday in Dar, as we fondly refer to Dar Es Salaam, I was to take them back to school in Nigeria. We got back to the house in Lagos, and there was all this excitement and activity around going back to school. We were in the shops and markets for three days. I wanted to make sure they would be fine despite our absence.

I wasn’t worried about my son since this would be his third year but I was not sure how my ‘baby girl’ would handle being dropped off in a boarding school. When I say, ‘baby girl,’ I’m sure you get the picture of an only girl who’s been spoilt rotten over the years. She’s eleven and an older sister to two other girls who are nine and seven. She’s far from being spoilt but she’s still my ‘baby girl.’
Can she handle the change in schedules? Can she handle peer pressure? Will she remember to say her prayers? Will she be able to take care of her things? We had spent so much money. Will she be able to hold her own? I would stay up late and just ponder. I think of myself as a praying woman but that didn’t settle in my heart.

Maruche, on the other hand was so excited about the whole thing. She loves shopping. All these new things, a new laptop with a pink cover, Hannah Montana duvet, a set of three purple suitcases to mention the most important. I don’t quite know which of these items she was most excited about, but you could tell she was ecstatic. She had been looking forward to her own set of suitcases since her brother got a set as a gift from a family friend when he was going off to secondary school two years ago.
Finally we arrive at this fateful day, when I had to drop them off. It was a five hour long drive to school. After much traffic and a change of tyre we finally got to school. We went through protocol and finally got her into her day uniforms. She looked so lovely.

It was time to get her into the hostel. We had to show the house mistresses all the things she brought, get clearance as well as collect her books. In all this my baby was so calm, not in any way afraid or apprehensive. I just got caught up in all the activity. There was no time to do anything else. We got her bed, her wardrobe and settled her in. Then it was time to leave. I don’t know who made it less complicated for the other but there were no weepy moments. We prayed, hugged and left.
Actually, it was easier because we were staying the night in a nearby hotel. My son was due back in school the next day. He could have stayed back but preferred to stay the night in the hotel with me. I guess that made the whole transition a lot less painful.

So we woke up the next morning and went back to school to drop my ‘baby boy’ off. We checked on ‘baby girl’ and she was unbelievably fine. She had no complaints at all. They even had hot water baths, so why would she miss Mummy. Even the food was manageable. I was glad, but what about me…? Not yet time to think about me. I left her washing a few things by the clothes lines. ‘Bye bye Mummy’ was all she said and that was it.
Now it was time to think about me. I got back to a very quiet house in Lagos. My only consolation was that my other two children were waiting for me in Dar. I imagined that if I had only two children, this would have been it. That dreaded moment when the nest empties itself because children have to leave home.
I did not cry, but it was a very sober moment. I was thankful because I had another two years before the next child would leave home, but it didn’t make the utter silence any less excruciating to bear. I was then grateful that I could leave home the next morning to do something else, other than caring for children. That is what helped me get past this, being involved with something that cared for other people rather than my children. I realised that though it would be four years before my last child would be off to boarding school, I had to begin to really work out the things that would occupy me in their absence. I wasn’t sure that a paid job would do it. It had to be something beyond making money, something that would care for other people apart from my family and I.

I have since returned to Dar to the loving embrace of my husband and other two daughters. They are also ‘baby girls’. I call Maruche, my oldest ‘baby girl’ every week and she’s never cried. I’ve also had time to conclude that she was obviously well prepared for this new experience. She settled in a lot faster than I expected. She’s extremely focused. I guess that makes me a great Mum. Thumbs up for me. CK

 

This article was first published in the print version of Motherhood In-Style Magazine. She has also written its sequel titled, “My Emptying Nest”

Chinwe Kalu is a self-driven, results-oriented lady with a can-do attitude driven by excellence. She is a peoples’ person, reliable, loyal and accountable and therefore an excellent team player. Her being keen for new experience has earned her a work profile that spans so many sectors, namely Finance and Banking, Print and Electronic media, Beauty Services, Public Speaking and Training as well as volunteering with Women Issues. Through her wealth of experience, Chinwe has acquired valuable management skills that come to play in her work life and make her an asset to any organisation.