Dear MIM: I can’t have a child but my wife has just announced she’s pregnant.
I can’t have a child, I’ve known this since I was 25. I’m sterile. How I became sterile is another story. Anyways, I got married without telling my wife the truth about my inability to get a woman pregnant.
I met this girl and fell in love. Two years after, we got married. It took me that long to propose to her because I had an internal battle going on if I should tell her or not. I know every woman wants a child, but I thought my love was enough for her and we could end up adopting a child. Immediately after we were married, my wife wanted to get pregnant. I tried to get her to relax and distract her from focusing on having children. Instead, she became desperate.
She went to see doctors who told her that she was alright. They also told her to come for a series of test. I blatantly refused knowing fully well what the results would be. The strong need to have a baby made my wife go crazy, picking fights and faults with all her friends who were having babies. I suggested that we adopt a child but she refused. Adopting wasn’t an option for her, and she made that clear. She wasn’t even going to consider it.
To cut a long story short, my wife is pregnant now and I know that I’m not the baby’s father. How do I go ahead? Should I come clean now or pretend that the baby is mine?
I CANT EVEN BLAME YOUR WIFE BUT THEN AGAIN TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT. IT WAS YOUR DUTY TO HAVE COME OUT CLEAN AND ALL THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. WHEN A WOMAN FEELS ITS TIME FOR BABY MAKING, SHE CAN MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH. I SUGGEST YOU SEEK ELDERLY AND CHURCH COUNSEL AS THIS ISSUE IS TOO BIG TO BE HANDLED BY JUST THE TWO OF YOU.
I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK, LOADS OF WISDOM AND GRACE***
How can you keep a secret like this from your wife? If I was your wife and I know this, it would mean the end of the marriage. I advice you to come clean. Who knows you might even be the father and not know it until then miracles still happen you know. Plus if she’s cheated and got preggy, there’s nothing you can do because you caused it by not letting her know your status fertility wise.
First off, you married her out of deceit, how can you claim you love someone and you’re dragging this huge baggage without letting her know??? Two things are involved here: first, you might be the baby’s father because the doctors confirming you sterile doesn’t mean God cannot change your situation. It might be that God has decided to compensate your wife because of her innocence. Two: it might be that the two of you are fooling each other. Since you have decided to hide your problems, she has also out of desperation to have a child of her own, gone to look for a man to do what you cannot do.
I believe in GOD’s power, doctors don’t have the final say. Sandra you are right.
But how are you sure you are still sterile? Don’t you think you would have be heal by now or some miracle has happened? Please try see a doctor to confirm your state of health before making any move. If you have confirm you are still sterile then confront her and also take responsibility for your actions of deceiving her into marriage when you know you can’t father a child. I won’t judge your actions and so also hers as well.
Who told u dt d baby is not urs? Or dnt u believe in miracle? Pretend till she gives birth to d baby then u cn take d baby to d hospital ad check d gene.
Pretend for now when she deliever d baby u go for gene test
Serious gobe! come out clean my brother, truth can not be hidden
Just pretend till she puts 2 birth then u can find out without telling ur wife.
Its either u come clean or pretend to be the babys father.the chioce is urs
Ooh how you piss me poster. Something like this shouldn’t be a secrete. It’s never goes well when you start a relationship based on lies and deciet. Since the deed has been done, are you now hurt?
What you did was a big NO NO and your wife may never forgive you for that. Come to think of it, she may not have even committed adultery. I guess you know any woman can get pregnant with or without a man because of the advance technology that we have today. Go and get yourself checked again just to be sure and if you are still sterile, come out clean BUT not with the intention of shaming your wife( not to justify her actions) but Together raise that child and learn to be open with your wife.
why will you hide such a thing from your woman in the first place,the lie is to thick to hide
Serves you right.You started your marriage on a faulty foundation by keeping such a delicate secret.My advise is since you can’t have a child,take this as your own and die with your secret(even though fate has a way of exposing such secrets).By the way,when last did you check your fertility status?The child could be yours but if it turns out otherwise,just know both of you are…
When d baby is born run a DNA test and tell your wife d truth after all
U just have to come out clean to your wife and try to test ur first b4 concluding that the child is not urs.
You had better start talking, how can you hide such a thing from her? Where is the love you proclaim? Well you might be the baby father coz I believe in miracle.
come out clean,the baby may be yours you never can tell.then try to hear her own side of story or escapades but don’t get too cranky about it because the whole problem started with your silence and pretence.if the baby is not yours then assume you went for an IVF and father the child as you’ve already been interested in adopting #myopinion.
secretly go n do a test u might no longer b sterile.if u still are accept d child n play along.who knows u might b d father.but wat u did was wrong a d itsca
wicked act
You are a wicked man. I was just discussing this with my dad today because a student of his who got married and can’t have a baby. Now the husband and the family is making her go through he’ll and she wants a divorce. My dad has been counselling them. I believe as they make couples go through hiv etc,they should include fertility test as well.
You started your marriage in a wrong foot so continue cuz I know if she was the one that has the problem, the love you are talking about now u won’t be talking about it
Bros you shouldn’t have kept that kind of secret from your wife. It’s really unfair dat you never told her before getting married to her. Go for a medical check up before jumping to conclusions. Who knows if God has answered your wife’s prayers. And if ure still sterile, then confess to your wife and apologise to her cos dis is all your fault. I’m sure she’ll have something to say about d pregnancy.
U’re a wicked man
Before you “come clean* make sure you go for a series of tests to confirm that you are still sterile.who knows if your condition has been corrected since the time you were told that you are sterile.Its also possible that the test/Dr who told you that you are sterile made a mistake.Get a 3 rd opinion and do it fast.
If after all this you are still confirmed sterile, sit your wife down and tell her the truth.Don’t be confrontational.don’t call her a cheat.Am sure that her desperation for a child pushed her to cheat.Talk through it with her.Forgive her and makes sure that she doesn’t continue committing adultery.A child is a blessing where ever he/comes from. Live your wife and the child,go ahead and adopt more kids.pray concerning everything… God can bless you with your own child.
I will suggest u wait patiently till she gives birth den u do a secret DNA test to be sure, if it is not ur child den u can see some elders to help you disclose the truth to ur wife
Don’t be surprised that baby could be yours ….things that defy science happen everyday! My last born is a testimony to that ……nevertheless come clean and do a dna test and be ready to forgive her if it’s not yours after all you deceived her too
Option 1. You can pretend and play pretence for the rest of ur life. Love the child as urs and all will be fine.
Option 2. Tell her the story u should have told her loong ago about ur inability to father a child. But tell her u believe this baby is a miracle so just like how u would love and adoption, you even love this child more coz it’s coming from her.
Option 3. Confront her if she did cheat or not coz u dnt think it’s urs. This could lead to a divorce or would break her heart and the love she has for you could fade. Fearing that u may not love the child as urs.
option 4. Have a secret DNA test done after the child’s birth if you can afford it in a good hospital.
U better pretend and have a child. U don’t neef to tell her because is already far too late. U think u can waste her life like that. I know how u would hv taken it if it were ur wife who happens to be barren. U for don marry 3 wives and make life a hell for her. So just seal up ur mouth. Thats the cross u hv to carry. No be only adoption