Dear MIM: My MIL & I Are Buddies But How Do I Handle This Depressing Bad Side of Her?
My husband and I got married 2 years ago. We had accommodation problems shortly after, so, we moved to my parents-in-law’s apartment and have been staying there for over a year now.
I have good rapport with my MIL to the extent that outsiders think I am her daughter. However, there’s one thing my MIL does that I don’t like – she still practises the old culture of using a wife as a slave in the family. Though my husband doesn’t attend extended family function, my MIL will summon me to follow her because my husband is her only son and that makes me the only wife.
Anytime we go to family gatherings, even though there’s a caterer to cook and wash plates, she’ll order me to do the washing and partake in the cooking while other ‘senior’ wives gist and watch TV.
Last month, her brother’s grandson, a 14-year-old JS2 student, moved in with us. Just yesterday, she told me it’s not right for me to call the young boy by his name and that I should start using ‘brother’ or any pet name. I bluntly told her I can’t because my uncles’ wives don’t call be ‘aunty’ either. She turned it into a heated argument and started swearing. She later called my husband who also insisted I can’t.
It seemed my husband’s stand got her even more irritated as she came to meet me, telling me matter-of-factly that I need to follow her instructions because they’ve paid my bride price and I reminded her it’s only ‘eru iyawo’ that my family collected as the bride price was returned because of this ‘claim of ownership’.
She hit back by telling me sternly that I’d regret not following her rules and called my FIL who wasn’t at home to come. Immediately, I called my mum, told her everything and she said I should report back how my FIL reacts.
Thank God my FIL used wisdom to settle everything. He also said such practice is outdated and my MIL was obviously disappointed. She is still keeping malice with me, wearing a straight face.
My husband has gotten an apartment but it’s not completed yet. I can’t stand the tension in the house, especially as I’m in my third trimester of pregnancy. What do I do now or should I apologize and do her bidding?
Apologize my foot. Just hold on till your house is ready. Let her continue keeping malice Mtscheeeeeeewwww. Afterall your hubby is on your side and even your FIL is not in support of her attitude. This is the problem with having a yoruba woman as MIL, they turn themselves to demi gods rubbish.
If am in your shoes, i will move-in with my parents, at this stage of pregnancy, you don’t need any form of tension that might aggravate your blood pressure, be wise, it’s your life and the well-being of your unborn child that is at stake here.
yea i agree wif u move in wif ur parent till ur hubby completes d aus
My dear I didn’t c any wrong u did to her Bt for d sake of peace apologies to her but dnt abide in her abducted rules
Some of these MIL are deveil my dear play ur card well ad don’t allow anybdy to take away ur joy.
My dear God is ur strength
When I was ready abt calling the 14yrs old brother, I knew it was Yoruba. Such crap is outdated Jared. I’m Hapi ur hubby stood by u. If the flat u guys got is not completed yet, u guys shld try to get a room or two ready andove in like dat Jaree. U can finish up the flat while living there
Me too I just knew it’s a youruba marriage.
When I was ready abt calling the 14yrs old brother, I knew it was Yoruba. Such crap is outdated Jaree.I’m Hapi ur hubby stood by u. If the flat u guys got is not completed yet, u guys shld try to get a room or two ready andove in like dat Jaree. U can finish up the flat while living there
My only concern here is that you are staying with her if not she won’t come to your house to tell you how to address people so for the time being I will suggest you play by her rule because from your post I can sense you are from yoruba speaking side and such things really do exist where wife has to address every inlaw as Ee except for the educated ones. So please apologise to her and tell your hubby to tell whoever is handling the new apartment to hurry up so you can move in before delivery because this one now that she is threatening that you will regret if you don’t play by her rule is kinda scaring for me. So play the fool till you move out. Please don’t argue with MIL over anything again. Just say yes ma and do what’s in your mind later.
Nothing beats living in your own house no matter how small.You don’t need all these stress in your condition.If anything happens to your baby,everyone will blame you.Just keep calm,greet her, talk to her only when necessary(to avoid her saying bitter words to you)till she gets over it.Please don’t be a slave because of marriage.If you are not comfortable doing a particular thing,say it out politely & stand your ground.The mistake some people make is trying to please people at the expense of their own happiness.Once you and your husband are happy any other person can go to hell.You had started what will be difficult to continue but it’s not late to take a stand.
Na wa o jst apologies to her but don’t call the boy brother
You can apologize if u were rude but tell her things have to change. No more slavery. Thank God u are pregnant. Milk it for all it’s worth. Plan to move out as soon as your accommodation is habitable. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Adopt a smile, be friendly, act like everything’s peachy even if she doesn’t come around. Cheers
I don’t think all Yoruba MILs do that. I understand your hurt,but please, don’t generalize. And, is it not better to live in peace with the MIL for the period to be spent than with hatred and worrying as a result? All cultures have their good and bad aspects.
Don’t you dare apologize. What rubbish.
Do not start what u can’t finish
Apologize for peace sake thereafter relate with her with wisdom.
Make peace with her so that ur staying there won’t be miserable till u move with ur husband to the new house
Pls go on ur kneel and beg her. Also do what she asked u to do.
Hmmmm, go and stay with your parents full the house is ready. You won’t be a slave in your own house
Ignore her mtcheww what rubbish. Yoruba n deir stupid culture
Is it you or your culture that teaches you rudeness? Making such a statement doesn’t make you a better breed.
For the sake of peace please try to maintain the relationship you used to have with her. After all u will be moving to your own apartment too. All the best.
Shea looking for trouble where there is none. Ignore her as you will soon move out
MIL wahala my dear hold on till you guys move out
I don’t know about the Yoruba tribe and group as I am from Southern Africa and I have never heard such here. My advice: If you were rude, apologise for peace to reighn. Pray for her and for yourself (you also need God’s wisdom to handle people like MIL). It’s hard staying with relatives more so in laws. It’s fun at times though. Please, move out quick before baby arrives. Thank FIL and be good to everyone in that home such that your absence will be felt when you leave. Be a good wife too and you will always have his support.
For the sake of peace, apologize and do what she want that won’t affect ur health. Calling the boy brother won’t change anything in ur life. it’s just for the main time till you move to your house. it’s better to have a good relationship with ur MIL so far you are staying with her than for you to be living like enemies. My dear, God will give you the wisdom to live in peace with her for the main time.
pls apologise to her pet her and make her feel all is well,then make plans to move in with your mum or a friend till the house is ready, jst tell her that you want to go and see your mum when you go you can stay there till your house is ready to avoid the story that touches, u are pregnant avoid any threat, she can try any diabolical power and if you are no more she will get her son to marry someone that can always obey her. pls handle it with wisdom and never fail to pray biko
I will suggest you apologies for peace to rain not because you are at wrong but because you are wiser and smarter and you have forever to live in that house so you dont want to make your MIL your enemy at all.., since you now know the type of MIL you have..its very easy…the boy in question, just give him a pet name as suggested, it will not change anything or take anything from you and keep encouraging your hubby to ensure you leave that house before you put to bed…with time you guys will only be seeing once in a while and the respect would be there.. and please get something doing so that she wouldn’t call in future for house keeping..Its well and wishing you safe delivery.
That is Yoruba culture for U, you have to call your junior bother & sister
my dear I did not see anything wrong calling your junior brother/sister, there is a saying that you are not only married to your husband, but also to the family, if that’s their culture, why argue. Assuming the mother said you should do something diabolic, I will disagree with that…..so let peace reign! Peace
Hmm MIL palava, mine came for omugwo and insisted I cook for her and do her biddings. I told her my stance straight and we made each others day hell after all I calmed down cos it was affecting hubby. So pls dear poster, for d sake of ur unborn child, hubby and urself just calm down bearing in mind that it won’t last long. Wish u safe delivery
my dear, pls apologizes to her and let the sleeping dog lies.
You don’t have to do what she’s asking you to do. That tradition is old school. Just apologise to her for all d rude words you might have said to her in d heat of anger. Remind her dat she’s like a mother to you and so dat makes d boy your younger brother. If shes still insisting, just give d boy a pet name knowing fully well dat your days are numbered in her house. Dis is just for peace to reign. Remember you are heavy and its your safe delivery we all want now
case already closed
Aplogise, set the atmosphere peaceful then take a break from that place, go to your family and breath fresh air biki, chill there until your apartment is ready.
dats typical Yoruba. setting for u.u need to b takn care of now.go to ur mums plc
Pls apologise to her in the presence of fil. Find a very good way of avoiding the boy in question till u leave. Like i will always advice don’t start wat u cant finish cos like it or nt she is part of ur life till she dies or God forbid ur marriage is no more. See our men, he can stand by u nw bt don’t forget he has known his mum longer dn u so d soft spot will always be there. Also let ur prayer altar be hot. It is well
I avent seen anything wrong in what ur mother in law has done. U said it ur self dat pple doesn’t knw she isn’t ur mother. dat yoruba land 4 u. I swore u are d 1 looking 4 problem ur self. check ur neighborhood nd den u will c dat ur MIL is d best
My dear, apologise to her not because you are at fault but for peace sake. With your condition, i don’t think you need any stress. Tolerate her as long as you are with her and pray to God that money should come so that you can complete your own house and move in.
For peace to reign and because of your condition too, apologize to her but I don’t advice u address a boy of 14 yrs as brother. MILz and their wahala
pls do not leave d home, expecially if ur mil is not pure.u might leave DAT home and she will use it as an avenue to harm u or ur baby.be wise.apologise if necessary,live in peace wit her and keep praying to God for safe delivery.d Lord will see u tru
I don’t even know how to handle this one
Plz try to apologise to her and by apologising doesn’t mean you are a fool but at time you just have to let the sleeping dog lie cos wen MIL start dair wahala my dear u won’t dare to stay a itch close to her and she might decide to take it to any length just to prove that she’s right. Biko show her u are wiser than her
In my opinion I think u should jst apologize to her for d sake of peace after all u will be leaving her house soon.jst persuade ur hubby to hasten d completion of ur apartment. Some moda inlaws n dia wahala.
Again try faking illness wen she ask u to acompany her to family functions.lastly be prayerful
Yoruba mothers inlaw have no boundaries they feel they re Demi gods and as such marrying dia son is doing you a favor , my sister you are pregnant that is more than enough reasons to move to ur parents house on medical grounds also even if u move miles away dem mil wld still cause issues becos she sees u nd d unborn child as a threat to her relationship wit her son and would do anything to break u nd make u feel inferior pls dnt be deceived she doesn’t love you and based on all u said nd in your condition abeg move out.
Mrs. Angel Henry, u made sense. she should apologize not because she’s a fool but cos of herself at dis fragile stage of hers. Dats wisdom