How to Protect Your Child from Negative Peer Influence

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Ololade Hector-Fowobaje

Peer pressure is a social pressure; usually negative, on one to adopt a type of behaviour or attitude in order to be accepted as part of a group. It can be so strong that if parents are not proactive about it, they could ‘lose’ their children to their peers.

Instead of praying certain friends out of your children’s lives like some mothers do, you can take these practical steps to help your child deal with the inevitable negative peer influence.

Start Early!

Immuring your children against negative peer influence should actually start when they are much younger; the time they throw a tantrum because they want a goody bag (party pack) just because everyone in the class has been bringing one. Peer influence at work in a subtle seemingly unharmful way here should not be ignored by parents.

This is the time to let your children know that they don’t have to do what everyone does just to please other people. Stir in age-appropriate value lessons by adding that fingers are not equal, so if you can’t afford to give out party packs, it’s not the end of the world and you won’t steal to do it.

Even though every developmental phase has its own issues, catching them young in crucial areas like this helps nurture children with stronger personalities; the best defense against peer pressure.

Sit down and talk to your child
Talk to your teen about peer pressure itself. Nothing beats this! They need to be well informed before the issues come up so that they can be assertive and shun any negative invitation! Let them know peer pressure is something all children and adults experience at some time and it is normal to want to fit in until one considers the consequences.

Relevant and necessary topics to discuss include smoking, drinking, alcohol, drugs, cultism, pre-marital sex, homosexuality, dating ‘sugar daddies’ or ‘sugar mummies’, pornography, rape/ gang-rape, indecent dressing, bullying, stealing, joining vain clubs, wild partying and using vulgar language. Tell them engaging in any of these vices does not make them cool as their friends will make them think. Emphasize the dangers of each of these subject matters and show them what can happen when they are involved in these activities. Include life stories and teach through these stories. For instance, using Whitney Houston as an example, let them know that drugs can cause addiction, mental and health issues, and even death.

Let them know you are always available to talk when issues come up.

Don’t raise your children on criticism and avoid favouritism

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Children with low self esteem, due to constant criticism, favouritism and neglect, fall easy prey to harmful pressure from friends. When children have a healthy self esteem, it would not be as easy to fall under negative peer pressure. Affirm them regularly and praise/reward them for exceptional conduct. Be approachable and not authoritarian. Children who have a close relationship with their parents are much more likely to come to their parents when they are in trouble or are having problems.

Pay attention to their friends
Get to know your child’s friends and their family if possible. Find out their values and beliefs so you know who to be concerned about. A note of caution though, the introverted friend may not necessarily be better than the extroverted sanguine friend. Note what your child says about each close friend, be alert when they come visiting and do encourage them to visit. You will get to know more about them that way.

Spend quality time with your children
Plan regular and frequent activities that the whole family can participate in such as visits to family friends, beach picnics and gym workouts. Parents who spend quality time with their children develop close relationships.

Use every opportunity to engage and ask your children questions that will stimulate dialogue about values
Telling them what values they should have won’t always be effective, especially when your children get older. Asking them ‘curious’ questions will allow discussions that will eventually lead to injecting values. ‘What do you think about that teenager getting pregnant in that movie’, may be more effective than a sarcastic, ‘Do you see what happens when you sleep with a boy? Do you see?’

Parenting is about doing our part, the choice ultimately lies with our children. When we have done our own part by imparting the right knowledge and setting boundaries, we need not fret.