How Can I Get Over How My Husband Embarrassed Me On Our Wedding Day?
I want the honest truth as I am pained right now. Was I wrong to hug the opposite sex on my wedding day?
Here is my story…
I got married last year. I’m trying not to say that the day I got married was the worst day of my life. I have always anticipated my wedding day but because I got pregnant before marriage, my boyfriend said that his pastor said we could no longer have an elaborate wedding.
I felt betrayed cause he never mentioned it until I got pregnant. I was so sad to see my wedding dreams die as I am the first girl of my parents who have also been anticipating my wedding day. My parents were not happy, but they agreed.
At 7 p.m on the day of my wedding, my family friend who I haven’t seen in a while and has been wishing to see my husband came to visit me at our hotel room with his girlfriend. Fortunately, I was outside the room as some people were in my room and it was kind of stuffy. I hugged my family friend.
Later, my husband came and said he saw me hugging the guy and I was like, “yea meet….” before I could even say jack, he hissed and left. I was still wondering what was going on when he returned and said, “so you are still talking to this idiot.” Men! I was shocked! This is someone he has never met but they have spoken a couple of times on the phone. My husband got so angry that my sister and my cousin who were watching started begged him. I tried to plead with him too but he walked away to the room where some of his friends and brothers were and slammed the door.
I overheard him say and I quote, “You this fool, you don’t have respect for me. I just finished paying your dowry and you are there hugging an idiot.”
Gosh! I felt like entering the ground. I felt embarrassed, coupled with the fact that my wedding didn’t go well at all and till today he’s still not remorseful of what he did that day.
When I ask him why he did that, he said they are a lots of times he (my husband) introduces a girl he’s having sex with as his family friend, so typically, he thought that I was dating the guy or he was my ex. I was shocked cause I’m not a wayward girl. He thought that I was doing what he does.
I also hate it when people shout at me but I guess he just doesn’t care. When he’s angry, he says plenty of disgusting words. My main aim of writing this is because anytime we argue and he shouts at me, I remember our wedding night. How do I forget the pain he caused me? I could not even watch my wedding video. Did I commit a crime by hugging another man on that day? I am crying as I write this. I love my husband so much and I know he loves me too but I cannot forget this pain.
All l can say is let it go. Thats the only way you can find inner peace. This is one of the ups and down of marriage but dont take everything your hubby do to heart or you may never enjoy your marriage. Please always learn to forgive him. One of the disadvantages of getting pregnant before marriage is you never get the opportunity to have your dream white wedding except you are catholic or Anglican.
Na wa oh for the kind person wey u marry oh. I pray God helps you because this is too early in your marriage to be happening.
You have said it,he did that because he thought that’s what you were into too.That insecurity and coupled with the stress of the day could have caused the outburst.As long as such incidence doesn’t repeat itself,forgive him and focus on your marriage
My dear talk sense into him let him know dt ,dt guy is not ur friend
Forget what happened and move on
Is not his fault since he didn’t trust himself how do u expect him to trust u
Hmmm
I read somewhere recently that the trouble with words once spoken is that thought they may be forgiven, they are sometimes difficult to be forgotten. My advice is change your perspective. Do you want your marriage to work or are you still so bitter about the wedding you did not have that you are making a mountain out of a molehill, after all he did tell you why he was so rude to you. This is a marriage you are in, not a casual relationship. Learn compassion, learn forgiveness, let go of bitterness. You are married now, create a good environment in your home. It is hard but if you let those little irritating things go, maybe for your 5th or 10th anniversary, you can have that great celebration you wanted in the first place. Sometimes you are responsible for your own happiness, choose to be happy.
wow nice one
Communication matters a lot. Talk to your. hubby dear
I know how you feel a word spoken is hard to forget, tell him your mind and forgive him, the utmost thing is that both of you love each other, make you marriage work
Hmmmmm.. just pray to God to help you forgive him, cos true healing comes through total forgiveness.
Hmmmm, better still run an open marriage. After all your husband is cheating openly. Don’t be a coward always cringing wen he shouts on u. Do sth for yourself. I believe he didn’t just start ds habit that night. Women n their complaints sef. Kelechi do u agree wt me?
Pray to God to help you forgive him wholeheartedly.
He is verbally abusive but forgive and move on.
There are lots of issues that comes with marriage that’s still going to make you feel terrible, life isn’t a bed of roses. Live everyday like it’s your last day on earth cos your happiness lies in your own very hands. If you keep dwelling on this and keep feeling unhappy, what have you achieved???
forgive him n let it go
Hmmmmm…marriage hmmmmm
Are you really bitter about your husband’s actions that night or the dream wedding you didn’t have? Not to justify his actions,but i have a feeling that you are somehow disappointed with him for not going the extra mile to make your dreams come true, coupled with the fact that he didn’t inform you about what his pastor said on time AND then his actions that night.
Look here, my dear poster. You have to let it go if you truly want your marriage to work. You can’t nurse bitterness and expect to experience joy in your home. I believe you knew the guy you married. He shouting at you and saying nasty things to you when upset should not surprise you because i believe you two have had arguements when you were dating. You chose to be with him for reasons best known to you and you have to look at those things and learn to forgive. I hope the cheating stuff is still not going on though.
Pray to God to help you forgive him and open the eyes of his understanding as well. Like you stated, you two love eachother so just let it go. He’s not remorseful about it because that’s who he is and something tells me you know that. So forgive and focus on the good instead. You can always have your dream wedding someday. Shalom.
nice one
I don’t knw much on this but for me i will advice u to forgive and forget for ur marriage to work and for the love the two of u share
Pls let it go and move one
Endtime couple
Just 4give nd 4get,nd move on with ur marital life.God will uphold ur home
I think the issue is majorly in the fact that you didn’t get your dream wedding . and that was your fault because you got yourself pregnant. that said, like you’ve been told, pray for him and forgive him. also, i hope he has stopped cheating on you anyway. may God help your marriage .
Hmmmm,try to forgive and forget
What kind of hug was it? 180 degree hug or 360 degree? LOL. Personally I think a married woman should not give a 360 degree hug to a guy. Most guys,if not all always use that as an opportunity to cuddle with the lady involve.
For your own sake just let it go…..
Move on dear,try ur best to make ur marriage work,u have anniversaries to celebrate when u two have a good marriage. Forget about d wedding and invest in the marriage.God help u two,amen
the truth is that your hubby overreacted and was wrong in his manner of approach on the issue but you were wrong to hug your family friend on your wedding day. it shows a sign of disrespect towards him. a handshake would have been better instead of a hug. Talk to your hubby about it. apologize for your mistake and let him know you don’t like his reaction towards you that day. make peace with him and forgive and forget… marriage is not a bed of roses, so learn how to let go of some little issues.
My dear u got it all wrong and u are still acting wrongly. My mother advised that once they accept the man i brought to show them there should be no other man. Nowadays u youngsters throw caution to the wind and send wrong signals to d opposite sex and this causes lots of problems. Without your so callled “liberalization”, marriage has enough problems of its own.
WAY FORWARD
Be more prayerful and see your priest/pastor for counselling. Keep your families out of your marital issues.
Be patient with your man, even when he gets abusive ignore him and do his biddings in order to win him back. Be flirtatious with him – u know how u won him over to choose u.
Stop any form of flirting with the opposite sex – yes hugging and kissing the opposite sex is called flirting.
The day U had premarital sex wit him was the day u lost your dignity. U said u were not wayward; but you had sex wit him be4 marriage. Is that not wayward enof?
As a man, we worship ladies who get close but keep their legs close; who gives u every other thing but their body. Giving him your body is a message that u are not disciplined and principled. U told him I am cheap and desperate.
So dear, u gav him the right to distrust and insult you.
U dont like being shouted at but u went ahead and married an arogant man. Didnt u see all these when u were sacrificing your self worth by consenting to hav a child out of wedluck?
However, marriage is what u get in and out as u like. SO WAKE UP GIRL AND STOP WHINNING!
Forget about the presentiment of the past and build your marriage.
GRACE UNTN YOU
@ freshest….a man does not show his real character until he marries u…whether she had opened her leg or not is not the issue…he has a bad temper and he is jealous. …its just natural. …@our lady..hold on to God…be prayerful and just let it go….try see his good sides and show him love….he really does love u……
With due respect to all who comment but I feel we are missing d point. Its beyond one unrealized dream wedding bt d fact dt dis man is abusive verbaly. You did nothing wrong except sleeping with him before marriage. A man who will call his wife a fool, or feel like he did her a favour by marrying her or worse still be so unfaithful to d point of introducing his lovers to u as his friends nd still be unremorseful ! Sorry to say your husband is a danger waiting to happen. You loved and married blindly nd from what you said he is still at it . That been said I am not an advocate for divorce except where life is at stake. So please look for something good dat u love about him and hold unto dat. Try forgiving him and yourself too. I know third parties are not a good idea but he must have someone he listens to. Politely talk it tru with ur hubby and above all pray for God to touch him and make him a better person. Plz do not call him names or address him d way he is acting now but speak and call him d kind of hubby u desire to see. God bless your marriage
You are the only person that made sense! Especially the people advising her to take it in! Women for that matter! He doesn’t love her one bit! He’s rude and I wonder how a sensitive lady like her ended up with him!
Men are disgusting sometimes,but i think you should forget it and move on.
though men r of diff kind. cry to him, knel n say am sorry for hugging tht man tht day, forgive me even as I have forgiving u long ago. make him see reasons tht he was truly just a frnd but apologies first n watch his reaction. wish u good home
I’m happy to read your comment.
nice one
Well, you need to remember that God first forgave your sin of fornication when you slept with him before marriage. You need to forgive him & show him more love than you ve ever shown him. It’s just the devil trying to come in through the sex b4 marriage. Remember the Lord’s prayer if you are a Christian: As we forgive those who trespass against us. Thank God he loves you & you know it. I believe you have sincerely asked God for mercy on sex before your marriage. God bless that your home!
My dear you have to forgive him and let go not because you are a feeble fellow,but because you want to enjoy your marriage, because you don’t wanna start ur first stage of marriage with hurts and grudges.
Don’t stop communicating with ur husband cos were all humans with different understandings. Big wedding doesn’t grant happy and healthy marriages, what should be ur concentration now is how to have a sweet marriage,how both of will work things out to have a happy marriage.
oooooh
you love him ……and you know he loves you!!!
CASE closed……..get over it then
coz if you let it get better hold of you ; with the way you wrote about your boo……he will make you hate yourself and love too………..your husband seem like those guys that can put up even when deeply hurt they can make you feel very bad……
so help yourself now and your marriage before love turns sore
u were wrong thou. but he also overreacted
Hw can u hug another man infront of ur husband,u dnt hv respect fo ur husband mtsss.it wuld hv bin beta he wuse u a dirty slap sef.nonsense.women brain na fish brain
@uc if you were my husband and you try that, I would slap you there and then and damn the consequences. Well woman,you have to stop acting too vulnerable ,let those feelings go and stop taking such insults. That is an abuse for all I know and someday he would make it physical.
Dear forgiveness is the only solution to this. Some men are very jealous and as you said, that was the trade he was involved in so he suspects every action. You have not done anything wrong by innocently hugging a male family friend. Pray that God will change him but you must first forgive according to the Scripture. “forgive our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us” You can only know that you have forgiven if you don’t feel hurt any time you remember s the incident. Thank God you love him. Go ahead and enjoy your home. Devil can use this to steal away your happiness. Cheer up dear
I see people condemning the lady for committing fornication and I’m wondering if she had sex and made the baby all by herself. It takes two to make a baby. God is love and God IS forgiveness. Humans tend to give God humanly attributes but my Bible makes me understand that when one is sorry and asks for forgiveness, he or she is a new creature because old things would have passed away. My dear lady, prayer is the most important tool that can be use to dull the pain u feel and replace is with a consuming love. Use your bended knees to pray for ur husband’s repentance because it seems he may not be putting God at d fore front of his affairs. I say this because from your message, he has been having carnal knowledge of other women. A family run by God overcomes together.
U took the words right out of my mouth. I’ll so
gladly return the slap. Who says ‘after-one’ will never find true love again? Moreso, even the groom is no saint! Who knows whether he slept with his ex after the bacherlors’ party? Ladies have to know their worth. As for the poster, marriage is a union of 2 great forgives. So, as all have said, if u wanna stay married, forgive and move on. U’ll be hurt and also hurt him in marriage but both parties must learn to forgive. #myonecentadvice
you just have to move on,maybe things might have been better if you hadn’t been pregnant
you would have seen him for who he really was and then decides if you still want to marry him or not
as it is now,you have to forgive him and forget the hurtful words he has used on you,in order to have a happy marriage
best regards
sorry my dear sister pls forgive him and move on with married bcous of pain
Let me be frank with you, he will still do more embarrassing and dignity degrading actions. The issues are 1. Premarital sex 2. Heading for marriage instead of analysing the mistake and developing yourself. You can only do two things; 1. Develop your self mentally, have an expanded mind through reading 2. Pray for him (if you are a believer though).
Jeez, premarital sex or fornication is not even an issue in this. The issue is lack of respect. You claim to love your husband but another issue is how well does he respect uand then does he love you in the way you desired to be loved? Love means so many things to different folks. If you must stay with him let communication be the key so that both of you can iron out issues and so that he would know that his verbal abuses are hurting you. But my fear for u is that u must have stomach verbal abuses from him while u guys were courting for him to be this inconsiderate of your feelings……. And it may worsen if not checked now
Let him know in a gentle manner how you feel about the way he talks / shouts at you.
Forgive him, pray to forget all that and enjoy your marriage.
Wish you luck.