Domestic Violence: 5 Lessons We Learned from Ronke Shonde’s Untimely Death

Eyinade Eweje

In the wake of the death of Ronke Bewaji Shonde, the mum of two in her mid thirties whose ‘beloved’ husband allegedly beat to death following a row in their Lagos apartment, we must all pause and reflect on the following lessons. Doing this is even more crucial for those currently enduring abusive relationships, whether single or married.

1. Look before you leap

Often times, men who abuse their wives start while they are still dating. Don’t ever assume you’ll make him change when you get married. It hardly ever works out that way. Most times, it only gets worse. Don’t let your age, pressure from family and friends or the fact that all your friends are married pull you into doom. Yes, you’re in love but you need to think clearly. Be wise!

2. Report to the relevant authorities

Most women keep their ordeal to themselves, sometimes even from family and close friends, until something really fatal happens and all previously withheld messy details (her hubby claims she was cheating) become top gossip in their neigbourhood and beyond.

Apart from the police, there are several government agencies and NGOs you can talk to for appropriate counsel and support to give you the strength you need to quit and even get justice. There’s no need to feel embarrassed about sharing your story – you’re only trying to get help and your ordeal can be promptly resolved so it never becomes an Internet sensation or top gossip in your neighbourhood like poor Ronke’s story has.

3. Procrastination can be deadly

According to reports, Ronke had only recently decided to quit the relationship when her husband served her the final blow that claimed her dear life. Imagine if she had left after the very first hit. Abusive husbands keep pleading there won’t be a next time but in most cases, the ugly circle never ends, and each assault draws you nearer to your grave.

4. People will talk no matter what

Don’t continue to keep up appearances for several years, just so everyone thinks you’re happily married and don’t judge you. Clearly, Ronke didn’t want her marriage to join the list of failed ones, and now that she’s paid with her dear life, leaving two helpless kids behind, the same neighbours or friends she feared would judge her for quitting her marriage are probably the very ones slamming her every chance they get for her inaction.  Live your life for you! As long as you’re doing what’s best for you, let everyone think or say whatever suits them – their opinions don’t count.

5. You’ll save your children by quitting

Though like Ronke, a lot of women claim they endure abusive relationships in a desperate bid to keep their family as a unit for their children’s sake, it’s a whole lot worse for these poor children to have to constantly see their mum hurt by their dad. The constant ugly sights have adverse effects on their personal values, mental health, social life and academics.

In Ronke’s case, she ignored her family’s counsel to quit the marriage, thinking that could protect her children. Sadly, in the end, the now motherless kids aged 4 and 6, had to behold the gory sight of her dead body lying in a pool of her own blood after their dad allegedly committed the heinous crime, locked them up in the apartment and fled, in defiance to the mental torture they would be subjected to. If Ronke had foreseen any of that, she sure would have fled right after the very first hit.

Be wise!