Dear MIMers: Should I Move in With My First Son’s Father After This Terrible Experience With My Ex?
I got pregnant at 19 during my 200L. My boyfriend said I should terminate it because he was not ready financially but I refused to do that. Things subsequently changed between us; he stopped caring about me like he used to and I let him be.
Later on, my late friend’s parents called that they want their son to marry me, adding that it was my late friend’s wish. The guy in question was close to me already and visited me regularly in campus.
On one of his visits, I told him I was already pregnant but the father of my baby had abandoned me. He said he would accept the baby and told his parents that I was pregnant for him. They believed but later got to know the truth – guess he must have told them later. Notwithstanding, they said we should wed in church as soon as possible to cover the shame and we did even though my dowry was not paid – his parents said he would pay when I gave birth. However, after giving birth to my son, I persuaded him to pay my dowry to no avail. Another worrisome thing was that I continued with my education but they never paid my school fee as previously promised.
Few years later, I gave birth to my second son but things were not going smoothly between him and I. He didn’t care about me and the kids and left his parents to do everything despite all the money he made. He would get drunk, come home late and often rape me. He would then stay away for days without caring about our welfare. The worst part was the terrible beating I got so often the kids were terrified of him. He didn’t even spare me when I was heavily pregnant with his son.
I got fed up two years ago and left since he refused to change after several pleas and promises. I left my
kids with his parents and go there to visit them. Still, whenever I visit and meet him there alone with the kids and their nanny, he drags and locks me up, beats and rapes me. I was rescued by his dad and some neighbours on few occasions. I now have an informant so I can visit only when he is not around. Even then, I’m always very scared of going there to see my kids.
Meanwhile, a year ago, I met the father of my first son coincidentally. He said he had been looking for me for a long time to no avail and pleaded that I should let him see his son. He also offered for me to move in with him with my sons, that he’ll take good care of us all. However, I refused.
Now, I don’t know if that was a good decision as recently, my ex husband’s dad called me that my kids have been sent home from school over their outstanding fees and that he doesn’t have any means to pay up currently as he owes so many people. I don’t know if he was just making excuses but he said things are very tough for him and his wife and it would be better if I come and take my kids.
I’m really confused right now. I really want my kids to be in my custody but I’m working and don’t want them to suffer. I’m not buoyant enough. I don’t have the intention of getting back with my ex or visiting him to discuss supporting his son as that will only spell doom for me. I’m thinking of calling the father of my first son to come and take up responsibility, at least for his son since everyone knows my ex husband is not responsible and his parents want to opt out. Or should I give him another chance by moving in with him like he asked? Please advise.
Move on with ur sons father me might be good now
Follow ur mind
No comment
Don’t move in with him, if he wants you back then tell him to go and pay your dowry. If he is not prepared to do that tell him to take up reponsibility of his son’s upkeep. If you move in with him you might have a worse experience with him than what you had with your ex.
Don’t move in yet. He should take responsibility for his son first then do the needful and pay your bride price if he so wishes to be with you.
No comment
no moving in tell him to marry you.dont you have relatives u can drop ur kids with
Go get your kids. I don’t understand what you mean by not being able to take care of your kids because you are working. Please be responsible. Be a single mom to your kids(you won’t be the first) and take proper care of them. If your baby daddy wants you back, please don’t move in with him till he does the right thing ie pay your bride price. Nobody can take care of children better than their mother
Get your children and make a life with then. If the ex boyfriend approaches your parents and pays dowry, then move in ss a wife. That would be after you permanently leave your ‘husband’. One quick fix didn’t work, don’t rush into another…. do things properly. Remember you are not a piece of furniture, you are a lovely woman, a mother who has endured so much, you should be treasured and respected. Demand that through your demenure and actions, if any man thinks they can just move you in without doing the right thing, they should know they dialed a wrong number. Two young lives depend on you. May the Lord heal you heart, spirit, mind and body.
Let him marry you first, you don’t move in with him just like that.
Amen to that prayer. To me do not go back to any, find the will of God for your life and do it so that you will have peace of mind and prosper. Ure a great woman find courage you can do it, ure stronger than u think tru Christ. Remember two wrongs can never make a right
Hmmmm, take them to a relative. Don’t jump2 say yes 2 any
what I believe you should do now is forget about marriage for now, go pick your kids and take good care of them if you know you can’t look well to them because of the nature of your work put them in boarding school. if any of the man have interest in marrying you let him take proper way don’t just molest yourself before anyone of them
if that your boyfriend loves you and really want you back let him paid your brideprice and paid for his soon upkeep then you can moves inn with him. don’t make worst thing by moves in with him o he will just used you and dump you and before you realise yourself you may be pregnant again o. so wise up this time
Jst follow wteva ur hrt tells u
Don’t act out of desperation. Take your time and do the needful.
Don’t rush into something else because your desperate. Go and pick your children up, and train them with the little you make and if the fees are too high for you then bring them down to a school where you can pay less, even if it’s a public school at the end of the day education is education. Annul the marriage with the husband and don’t go back to the ex boyfriend because he left you before and there’s no guarantee he won’t leave you again when things get tough. Don’t make any rash decision. Just be there for your children so that they don’t go through what you went through. Be close to them and provide for them as much as you can. Right now you should be on your own and figure out what you want to do with your life and what step to take. Give yourself a break from men and their issues and with time God in his infinite mercy will send you a man who will put a smile on your face and that of your children. And also try and confide in your parents. They’ll always come to your help no matter what, be it financially or otherwise. You are their child and they wouldn’t want to see you suffer anymore. Just be careful and don’t forget to pray because God holds the key to our entire life. “Stay strong” and don’t stop believing
Your children are already suffering. Do get them and find a way of looking after them. I am sure there are a lot of single mothers in similar situation who are able to keep their children in a loving environment no matter how tough things are. Moving in with another man you do not know very well (it has been years since you were together) may just increase your suffering. If he is really interested, date him, see who he has become, divorce your current hubby and let him marry you. These quick solutions may not work and you will continue to distabilise your children.