Dear MIMers: Should I Move in With My First Son’s Father After This Terrible Experience With My Ex?

I got pregnant at 19 during my 200L. My boyfriend said I should terminate it because he was not ready financially but I refused to do that. Things subsequently changed between us; he stopped caring about me like he used to and I let him be.

Later on, my late friend’s parents called that they want their son to marry me, adding that it was my late friend’s wish. The guy in question was close to me already and visited me regularly in campus.

On one of his visits, I told him I was already pregnant but the father of my baby had abandoned me. He said he would accept the baby and told his parents that I was pregnant for him. They believed but later got to know the truth – guess he must have told them later. Notwithstanding, they said we should wed in church as soon as possible to cover the shame and we did even though my dowry was not paid – his parents said he would pay when I gave birth. However, after giving birth to my son, I persuaded him to pay my dowry to no avail. Another worrisome thing was that I continued with my education but they never paid my school fee as previously promised.

Few years later, I gave birth to my second son but things were not going smoothly between him and I. He didn’t care about me and the kids and left his parents to do everything despite all the money he made. He would get drunk, come home late and often rape me. He would then stay away for days without caring about our welfare. The worst part was the terrible beating I got so often the kids were terrified of him. He didn’t even spare me when I was heavily pregnant with his son.

I got fed up two years ago and left since he refused to change after several pleas and promises. I left my
kids with his parents and go there to visit them. Still, whenever I visit and meet him there alone with the kids and their nanny, he drags and locks me up, beats and rapes me. I was rescued by his dad and some neighbours on few occasions. I now have an informant so I can visit only when he is not around. Even then, I’m always very scared of going there to see my kids.

Meanwhile, a year ago, I met the father of my first son coincidentally. He said he had been looking for me for a long time to no avail and pleaded that I should let him see his son. He also offered for me to move in with him with my sons, that he’ll take good care of us all. However, I refused.

Now, I don’t know if that was a good decision as recently, my ex husband’s dad called me that my kids have been sent home from school over their outstanding fees and that he doesn’t have any means to pay up currently as he owes so many people. I don’t know if he was just making excuses but he said things are very tough for him and his wife and it would be better if I come and take my kids.

I’m really confused right now. I really want my kids to be in my custody but I’m working and don’t want them to suffer. I’m not buoyant enough. I don’t have the intention of getting back with my ex or visiting him to discuss supporting his son as that will only spell doom for me. I’m thinking of calling the father of my first son to come and take up responsibility, at least for his son since everyone knows my ex husband is not responsible and his parents want to opt out. Or should I give him another chance by moving in with him like he asked? Please advise.