7 Tips on Dealing With Teenage Defiance

In the bid to exercise their will and independence, teenagers often question and defy rules and advice given by their parents and other authority figures in their lives. This exposes parents to frequent emotionally draining hiccups. While teenage defiance is not a peculiar issue, learning how to handle the situation effectively will help to curtail negative emotions, build and maintain a healthier relationship with your teen and gradually ease off defiant behaviour.

Find 7 handy tips:

1. Check Yourself

How much of a parent have you been? Have you been nonchalantly depriving your teen of your love and presence as a parent? Are you hurting his feelings in any way? Your teen’s defiant attitude could be a response to your own failures as a parent; an aftermath of his deep-seated hurt and resentment towards you. If you’re guilty, getting him more cooperative may depend on how fast you can begin to right your wrongs.

In addition, have you been openly defying authority also? Do you gist with friends about how your boss or husband is just a figure head whose words don’t move you, throwing jibes and laughing hysterically in your children’s presence? Perhaps your teen has constantly watched you exchange bitter words with your spouse, his grandparents, or someone else you ought to show some respect for and has learned a seeming perfect way to assert his view. Retrace your steps and begin to lay worthy examples. This may rapidly help you regain your teen’s respect and reclaim the license to constructively criticize, advice and enforce discipline.

You may also be exaggerating your teen’s misbehaviour, nagging unnecessarily and enforcing consequences he perceives as unfair. In this case, re-evaluating the consequences that should be attached to each misconduct together and coming to an agreement as well as making conscious effort to nag less, may help curb your teen’s defiance.

2. Be Consistent

Commit to sticking to set rules and enforcing consequences. There must be a structure in place to guide appropriate behaviour. Laissez-faire parenting wouldn’t just work. There may be couple of times your teen is truly apologetic and remorseful about his attitude. You might just warn against a repeat of that inappropriate behaviour. However, never overlook punishing an offence because you are tired or too busy. Failing to implement consequences most of the time may motivate him to take you for granted again. Once your teen realizes mum and dad always say what they mean and mean what they say, he’ll think twice before deciding to take set rules for granted.

READ ALSO: 5 Things Your Teen Really Wishes You Knew

3. Communicate More

Even when your worthy examples are so glaring to your teen, it’s important to let him know why there are rules in the first place, and why it’s crucial that they be obeyed. Discussions centred on this are best chipped in when you observe he’s in a playful mood, not in the heat of an argument. Better still, see movies that you can subtly use to drive home your point together. Remember, there’s no need sounding like a broken record; make the discussions as concise as possible, inviting your teen to also make comments. Take time to listen to these comments carefully as they are your best bet to fishing out his perspective, finding out if there is an underlying problem, understanding him better and clearing misconceptions he may have.

READ ALSO: 10 Keys to Parenting Your Teen Successfully

4. Parent, Don’t Boss!

Quit imposing on your teen. Parenting at this stage entails guidance as opposed to issuing orders out of the blues. Does your teen know the essence of the rules you’ve put in place? It’s crucial that you take time out to explain the rationale behind each rule you introduce. If he thinks those rules are baseless because you’ve never taken time out to explain, then don’t be surprised about his non-compliance. It’s easier to obey when he’s convinced you’re not just playing the boss. So, don’t attempt to enforce arbitrary decisions, telling him you know best as this can breed rebellion. Instead, have heart-to-heart talks which builds trust and compromise where appropriate.

5. Don’t Be Bullied

Letting him have his way to avoid those huge confrontations that always leave your emotions spent isn’t the way out. It only gives negative reinforcement which aggravates the situation. You must realize he defies your instructions in the first instance to tire you out and gain control; to pass the message that he is his own boss and can’t be told what to do. Therefore, even in the worst scenario, be firm. Conceal signs that his defiance is getting to you and maintain your stand. This makes it more likely for him to have a re-think. He’ll even secretly respect and admire you for it.

6. Create More Time To Bond

It’s vital to regularly create time to have fun with that teen that’s always at loggerheads with you. Doing this present appropriate avenues to share your own teenage experiences, verify your assumptions and re-assure him that you mean well and love him dearly. Though teens often act like they want to be left alone, devising engaging ways to bond with them will help both parties understand each other better.

7. Show Some Respect

Well, you read right. Respect his feelings, don’t intrude on his privacy for no apparent reason, quit the name-calling and shouting, correct and advice subtly, show compassion and be fair. Try to treat him like an adult as much as possible. If he suspects you still perceive him as that little boy or girl who can’t do anything right on his own, he’ll always rebel to prove you wrong. When he is expressing his views for instance, don’t hush him with snide remarks like, “What do you know?” Always register your disagreement or disapproval pleasantly and with time, he’ll learn from your example.

Finally, don’t perceive your teen’s defiance as a mighty wall crumbling on you. Rather, see it as a wake-up call to become a better parent, fix the communication issues between you and your child, reconnect and build a healthier and more intimate relationship.