Dear MIMers: How Do I Move On After This Hard Blow From My Husband & Son’s Father?

I sought advice on this platform early last year about my newly-wed husband who doesn’t care about me and always wants me to apologise to him whenever we have issues. He would even disallow me access to food in the house for as long as the dispute may last. So, I always ended up begging him. Moreover, I wasn’t working as we got married during my final year in school.

You’d recall I also revealed in my previous post that while I was pregnant, he came home very late one day and while he was in the bathroom, I quickly searched his pocket in the hopes of finding some money to buy food for myself, only to find used condoms in his pocket.

Following the very candid advice I was given by the majority on this platform, I started selling some weight loss products with the money he managed to give me for my Christmas cloth last year. He actually gave me 50k, and I used it to buy 7 packets of the product at wholesale price and started selling. The business thrived and my stock soon increased to 30 packets. Secondly, God paved a way for me to go for my NYSC. I was unable to go immediately I graduated because we got married during my final year and I took in few months later. Surprisingly, he had been asking my older sister when I would serve, expressing doubts that I am actually a graduate as if he didn’t visit me in school while we were dating.

Despite empowering myself, nothing changed. He has this attitude of not telling me about his movements or taking me with him to events. He attends different functions every weekend; birthday parties, weddings and so on, but he never takes me with me even when I want to. He eventually kicked me out.

His sick uncle had died and a date was fixed for him to be buried. He however refused to tell me the burial date until two days to the burial. I overheard him speaking with his older brother on phone that morning, saying he’s coming with his family on Tuesday. I pretended not to have heard and later that night, he told me that the burial will hold that week’s Saturday but we are going on Tuesday. I didn’t say a word because that is his lifestyle. I couldn’t make my hair nor did I even have anything to wear for the burial as there was no more time to prepare and I still had clearance to do at school in order to collect my call-up letter.

That Tuesday came, and early in the morning, he bathed my son and packed his cloths into the
car. I however went into the car and brought them out, telling him he can’t drive that long distance with my breastfeeding child when it’s not certain I would be going. He eventually came into the room where I was feeding my son and started struggling with me to take the baby but I didn’t allow him. Then, he told me that he would throw me out of the house when he returns.

He also called my dad and reported his side of the story, telling him that he’s a radical man. My dad called me and I explained to my dad that I had clearance to do that day and he didn’t intimate me about the trip on time. Later, his older sister also called me and I explained the same thing, telling her he
said he will throw me out when he returns. She then promised to come immediately after the burial to settle the issue but that was the last time I heard from her till date.
When he returned, he refused to feed us anymore; both my son and I. In fact, he stopped footing all the bills; not even money for his son’s diaper. Thank God for my parents and my little business.

Weeks later, I told my mum hubby wasn’t talking to me nor feeding us anymore. She came to help us settle our issues but hubby ignored her each time she called us for a meeting. Pissed off by his disrespectful attitude, she left. Besides, I was only managing to feed her all through her stay.

Another round of weeks passed and he started sleeping in the other room and preparing meals for his father who was around. His dad is very old and cannot talk due to an accident he had that affected his vocals.

Hubby later went to my father’s office and asked him to come and take me out of his house, that he’s done with the marriage. My father told him that my refusal to go to the burial can’t end our marriage, after all, a lot of couples have issues worse than that on a regular basis and are still together. He walked out on my dad and visited my sister to tell her the same thing. He continued with this announcement for 2 months before he finally threw me out of the house in the middle of the night and locked me outside his gate.

All apologies from my family proved abortive as he reminded them that he had been warning me to move out of his house for a long time. I finally left the house, knowing I have endured enough of his wickedness and apologized severally, despite being innocent. I took my son with me.

It’s been over a year since we moved out, yet, no word from him or any of his family. They don’t care how their son is surviving. I now believe what he said that his family members wanted me out of his house when I was pregnant and never approved of our marriage.

Though I’ve been living with my parents, my only means is my meagre business and I have almost exhausted all the capital on taking care of my son and I. Everything is on me and no helper from anywhere. I’ve also managed to put my son in a good preschool.

Now, I’m beginning to feel like a man. I can’t even feel myself sexually any more. I take my son to school every day in keke, under the rain or sun. I cry most days, especially when I see the quality of life my son has now but I know some day, I will tell a great story.

I’m certain my husband never loved me but what about our son? Did the innocent child offend him as well? At 25, my life has taken an unexpected turn. I want to move on with my life but don’t even know how to do that. Please advise me on where to go from here before it’s too late for me.