Dear MIM: Should I Give My Husband Another Chance After All These?

I was married for 10 years to a man I loved so much until our separation. Initially, he cared for me and our daughter but things changed.

I remember one day, we went to visit his elder brother – my baby was barely 2 months old then. As we were leaving that evening, a car splashed mud on me and my baby. My hubby was so furious and promised he would buy a car soon and give to me, so we never experience such embarrassment again.

Few months later, he bought a car but never allowed me nor our daughter get in it, saying he was not the first father in Lagos and can’t afford to have his car always ridden with baby fragrance. We were practically banned from joining him in the car. Sometimes, I would be walking with my baby while hubby drives past us. Unbelievable, right?

He soon began hitting me because of babes and sent me packing more than twice. However, each time, he would come back crawling on his kneels and I would go back home. His siblings would threaten to beat me up while his mum would call severally, saying she would never forgive me. When I ask what my crime was, she would have nothing to say. She later got hubby a new wife but couple of months later, hubby had a fight with her (his mum) and told me about the wife.

I wasn’t ready to let my family into the issue because I knew my family would ask me to leave. I tried to make my marriage work and hid my pains. There was a day hubby beat me up with a cutlass and gave me scars all over my thigh. He almost strangled me that night, but somehow, neighbours came to my rescue and I fled with my baby. I later reported to the police but the female DPO insulted me, saying I must have been very rude and unsubmissive. She told my hubby her younger sister was available, adding that I wasn’t brought up properly. He later got involved with her but dumped her as usual.

I had to start cheating too just to get cash to feed my child because I was waiting for my NYSC. My lover took care of my bills and my baby’s while hubby ignored me. I begged for sex, I begged for attention.

One day, I asked my hubby why he changed from being caring, because I had been torturing myself , thinking I was the cause. To my surprise, hubby said this is his real attitude, and he only deceived me into marrying him. He then asked me one question. He said, “If I had shown you my real attitude, would you have married me?” He wanted me to respond and I said no. He then said, “Girl, I want you as my house wife. That’s all.”

After NYSC, I told myself I had to stop cheating. I had to job hunt. I thought at a school for #10,000 per month, and later left for a manufacturing company. Then, I pleaded with hubby to get me pregnant because I never wished to have kids with different men. I got pregnant but hubby never bought baby stuff because he claimed I was the one who wanted the baby, not him.

All my female friends became my hubby’s friends. He tells them nasty things about me and promised them marriage, though he only ended up using them and dumping those that fell prey.

At a point, I could not cope with my job and 2 kids and had to sell bags of rice. I raised the cash from meagre monthly contributions and support from my family. I would carry a bag of rice on my head into trunks. Before I knew it, a bag of rice weighed less than a bag of pure water.

With that, I raised cash and did an international passport for myself and kids. I applied for a visa and left the country to join some of my siblings.

Though all that took years to happen, I never stopped praying and praising God. Now, God has blessed me. My kids are happier and I am so relaxed.

Now, hubby thinks I am rich and is begging for forgiveness. He has said if I don’t he will commit suicide. He even addresses me as “ma”. He practically worships me now. Though we are not together, he calls every second. He said he is now born again and has not had sex for a long time. After our conversation, he says, “I LOVE YOU.” I can’t say it back to him because, sincerely, I don’t love him anymore.

I’m glad I stood my ground to be useful and hardworking. He wants to resign from his job to join us here. I know he won’t dare hit me or else he will spend the rest of his life in jail. I want my kids to have fatherly love and upbringing. I wish to take him back, if only for my kids’ sake.

All his family members, including his mum, all threat me and my kids like their gods now. Though I don’t care about them, I care about my kids having a father figure. My daughter prays for it but my son wishes he will never set his eyes on him again.

Please share your advice. Should I trust him again now that he’s saying he is born again?