Dear MIM: Should I Give My Husband Another Chance After All These?
I was married for 10 years to a man I loved so much until our separation. Initially, he cared for me and our daughter but things changed.
I remember one day, we went to visit his elder brother – my baby was barely 2 months old then. As we were leaving that evening, a car splashed mud on me and my baby. My hubby was so furious and promised he would buy a car soon and give to me, so we never experience such embarrassment again.
Few months later, he bought a car but never allowed me nor our daughter get in it, saying he was not the first father in Lagos and can’t afford to have his car always ridden with baby fragrance. We were practically banned from joining him in the car. Sometimes, I would be walking with my baby while hubby drives past us. Unbelievable, right?
He soon began hitting me because of babes and sent me packing more than twice. However, each time, he would come back crawling on his kneels and I would go back home. His siblings would threaten to beat me up while his mum would call severally, saying she would never forgive me. When I ask what my crime was, she would have nothing to say. She later got hubby a new wife but couple of months later, hubby had a fight with her (his mum) and told me about the wife.
I wasn’t ready to let my family into the issue because I knew my family would ask me to leave. I tried to make my marriage work and hid my pains. There was a day hubby beat me up with a cutlass and gave me scars all over my thigh. He almost strangled me that night, but somehow, neighbours came to my rescue and I fled with my baby. I later reported to the police but the female DPO insulted me, saying I must have been very rude and unsubmissive. She told my hubby her younger sister was available, adding that I wasn’t brought up properly. He later got involved with her but dumped her as usual.
I had to start cheating too just to get cash to feed my child because I was waiting for my NYSC. My lover took care of my bills and my baby’s while hubby ignored me. I begged for sex, I begged for attention.
One day, I asked my hubby why he changed from being caring, because I had been torturing myself , thinking I was the cause. To my surprise, hubby said this is his real attitude, and he only deceived me into marrying him. He then asked me one question. He said, “If I had shown you my real attitude, would you have married me?” He wanted me to respond and I said no. He then said, “Girl, I want you as my house wife. That’s all.”
After NYSC, I told myself I had to stop cheating. I had to job hunt. I thought at a school for #10,000 per month, and later left for a manufacturing company. Then, I pleaded with hubby to get me pregnant because I never wished to have kids with different men. I got pregnant but hubby never bought baby stuff because he claimed I was the one who wanted the baby, not him.
All my female friends became my hubby’s friends. He tells them nasty things about me and promised them marriage, though he only ended up using them and dumping those that fell prey.
At a point, I could not cope with my job and 2 kids and had to sell bags of rice. I raised the cash from meagre monthly contributions and support from my family. I would carry a bag of rice on my head into trunks. Before I knew it, a bag of rice weighed less than a bag of pure water.
With that, I raised cash and did an international passport for myself and kids. I applied for a visa and left the country to join some of my siblings.
Though all that took years to happen, I never stopped praying and praising God. Now, God has blessed me. My kids are happier and I am so relaxed.
Now, hubby thinks I am rich and is begging for forgiveness. He has said if I don’t he will commit suicide. He even addresses me as “ma”. He practically worships me now. Though we are not together, he calls every second. He said he is now born again and has not had sex for a long time. After our conversation, he says, “I LOVE YOU.” I can’t say it back to him because, sincerely, I don’t love him anymore.
I’m glad I stood my ground to be useful and hardworking. He wants to resign from his job to join us here. I know he won’t dare hit me or else he will spend the rest of his life in jail. I want my kids to have fatherly love and upbringing. I wish to take him back, if only for my kids’ sake.
All his family members, including his mum, all threat me and my kids like their gods now. Though I don’t care about them, I care about my kids having a father figure. My daughter prays for it but my son wishes he will never set his eyes on him again.
Please share your advice. Should I trust him again now that he’s saying he is born again?
I pity you oh. Trust him for what? He is only wanting you back because of your present status. What father figure are you talking about? The same father that denied his kid from entering his car? Or the same father that almost killed you? That man has not changed one bit and will never change. He only wants to come over and join you to have a better life and start his cheating all over again. See ehn the best revenge for people like him and his family, is to be very successful they will worship you and that you have done but I beg you in the name of God in heaven, don’t take that man back. He has not changed anything about him.
Hmmmm, my dear father figure indeed..do u want them to emulate a man that cheats and beats women.. Do you want them to emulate a man that will abadon his family.. He has not changed. He wants to use you to establish himself.. If you know what is good for you better dont go back train your kids properly..you can be both father and mother figure..
I couldnt agree more with mon gemini. Please ignore him. He is humble now because of your changed status. What will happen when you take him back is more han what he had done to you in the past. Change my foot
Exactly my dear.
Allow him visitations for his kids. Of course he will worship you now that he knows you are not an imbecile. The ball is in your court my dear follow your hear.
I don’t want to sound insulting but this poster has really provoked me. If you were into prostitution would he want you back despite his being ‘born again’? If he didn’t know you were abroad and beg for reconciliation, would your kids have died? Wouldn’t you have taken care of them yourself? A man you begged to donate his sperm and even said you were on your own with the kids? Haba! You are just being selfish and using your kids to cover up
My friend you better think about yourself. The handwriting is clear. He want you for your money. Pls my dear you will get a man. Believe me. God will give you one who will take of those lovely kids. My last advice. RUN BABY RUN.
Hmm God released you from his clutch just to give you fresh air and you say you want him back for fatherly love for the children he didnot hesitate to abandone and neglect.just say the truth you still love this man, not your fault though, we cannot choose who we fall in love with, love is not always enough though!
Do not accept him back or else you will live to regret it. I am amazed you are even considering it after all you have gone through. What of if you had died the night he attacked you with matchet? Most reasonable people would not consider taking him back.
No comment pls. Father figure my feet.
Pls forget about him.
My advise for you ma is that you should just move on with your life and forget this man that claim to be a new born again because of money
Ma if you need fatherly figure or love as you call it call unto the father in heaven that make you succeed in life teach your kids the way of the heavenly father and you will see the different between two fathers
Let me ask you this if you have die in the process of all this calamity will this man and his family come an be honouring you in Tue grave. Madam pls wake up
So the next generation will not point to your grave and spilt there that she die because of a man
Let heaven be your goal if you want to re marry pray to God
God bless your kids you will never mourn over them in jesus name
Bye for now my name is Comfort leave you with the love of christ
Don’t even think about it.What father figure.If he can’t lay his hands in you abroad.He can do worst things. Don’t waste your life.
Your a bit weak minded I must say, please God has blessed you dear, do not let emotions push you into what you will regret and perhaps loose all you have worked for.. if you need a father figure,then try getting married to someone else. Don’t go back to your vomit madam. Be very wise…
My dear leave the past in the past. Remember he told you that what you saw of him then was his real self. What about his second wife? Do they have kids? Who will take care of them now that he is relocating? Who will take care of his family members as expected? You of course. You know why? There isn’t a job waiting for him, so he’ll depend on you to fully take of It. You even said it that you think they all have changed because of your money. So why torture yourself all because of your children that are happy the way they are, all because you are happy now. My dear think well o. Because the minute you open those legs of yours for him again, trust me, your thinking will not remain the same again. Daluu o.
to follow her heart, typographic error in the first comment, please correct, thank you
Don’t dare take him back, he will never change, he admitted to you that this is how he is. He will come back and make your life a misery. If he can hit you with a cutlass, he can kill you..he is a violent man and a cheat..he will just continue from where he stopped if you bring him over..you have done well for yourself, pls dont let him back into ur life.
are u for realll.are u blind to see they after ur money. they are money worshippers.ur kids dont need him in their lives they deserve better…pls use ur head.cos u would regret terribly
He is only pretending so he can come over. A man who will love you and your kids will come along and be a better Father figure for ur kids
Rounds of applause sweetie.i envy yur strength.
Then again,don’t allow dat mistake of a man 2miles close to yu. Cause he’ll only kill yu and run away with all you’ve laboured for. He just can’t get over da fact dat you’re richer than him. Trust me yur kids don’t need such idol,cause he’s from pit of hell. He has slept with all yur enemies(friends) don’t let him near yur daughter. His family dat saw nothing good in yu when yu had nothing are now worshipping yu.think am na!! I believe yur kids father can’t foot their bills now like b4,so all of em have to join and ride in da moving train. PLS never,I mean don’t yu ever accept him. He ll kill yu.
Pls I will advice u go bk to him. Hez still ur husband no matter what happens. God himself instituted marriage. Ur kids won’t understand all u have just said. They need their father. ( Madam I pity u. Shebi ds is d rubbish u wnt to hear abi?. U r looking for who will advice u to go bk).
I assure u you won’t be that lucky to leave that marriage alive if u eventually go bk cos ur husband hs other plans for you.
I totally agree with Mon gemini
Love is no more blind in this century,love is using recommended glasses,why do u think women now divorce their hubby,cos they want to live for their children,madam,am a christian who doesn’t support seperation but in this case,is the best thing to do.u can’t change a mans character
I don’t think you should take him back. He doesn’t deserve a woman like you in any way .
Be careful!
The man is looking for a way to kill you and inherit all you have laboured for and mind you he never use it to take care of your children. Be wise
Hi babe,
Do u go to church? Please speak with ur pastor about this. I disagree with others who have commented and ask you to think about the future of your kids. Fortunately you don’t live in Nigeria and you know what, if he desires to join you where you are, all well and good . I live in London and I know he DARES not try all the nonsense he did in Nigeria with you cos as they say, obodo oyinbo belongs to women. Make sure you don’t pay a penny towards his relocation, make sure you don’t pay his bills when he relocates etc . Let him sweat but never let your guard down. He may not have changed but as a woman, you have to hold and maintain your pride . If he wants to remarry you, ensure he and his family go thru the stress of bride price etc all over again and ensure you marry in the country where you are. I tell you, that’s the greatest insurance for you.
He can’t mess with you in a country like this, Trust me. One other thing, pls don’t send him any money. Pray for him but no cash. Let’s see if he has truly repented. You may send me an email for more tips as I am experienced in cases like this one.
Cheers
Watch and pray….
You are a very strong woman I must say.I dn’t know what to say to you about taking ur hubby back,but a materialistic man can’t be trusted.But follow ur heart.I really admire you
Pls ignore him its not worth it cos a pig will always be a pig her just coming back Bcos he sees he have something meaningful for ur self. Start a new life and dnt kill ur self Bcos of one man.
MY DEAR LADY, PLS FOR D SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN’S FUTURE, PLS KEEP THAT MAN AT ARMS LENGTH FROM U AND YOUR KIDS
Born nini…na born woruworu o
please don’t trust him, but go with your heart, am not gonna stay with you
Pls run… God has delivered u from a living nightmare, u are second guessing him.. Pls your forgiveness should be to allow him access to d kids when they come of age , till then pls then delink the scion of d devil..haaaaa
Please, do not, I repeat, do not go back to him. How can a man watch his wife and baby trekking and just drive past them? Cos of baby fragrance? I am still shocked at that. Even the worst husbands I know, don’t do that. My God!
My Dear, In As Much As U Want A Fatherly Figure For Ur Children, U Don’t Have To Take That Man Back In Ur Life. A Man That Went To Such An Extent To Scandalise Ur Name, Doesn’t Deserve U Or Ur Children. He Is Only After Ur Cash. Pls, Live Ur Life And Look After Ur Children. He Can Be A Father’s Figure From Afar, He Is Not Even Worth Being A Figure For Any One Anyway. Forgive Him, And Dont Let Him So Close To U.
Madam, I have a Bible scripture for you: Philippians 3:12-21.
Ds story na fake joreeee.
E no sound real at all.
Kaiiiii, that man wants to establish himself abroad through you. If he ends up there he would most likely do what he knows how to do best. This situation is a tricky one Shaw, just take your time and pray about it.
A return match could be dangerous, is only God that can tell if he is truly a changed person. You need to pray and seek God’s opinion in this matter so as to know if he has a good intention or bad intention for you.
Humanly speaking, if he comes to join you, he might come to poison and kill you so as to acquire your wealth or struggle. On the other side,God might have changed his life like he did for Saul who was latter called Paul. This is the reason why i said you should seek the face of God.
If ever you want him back, don’t accept him fully, give some restrictions and study him carefully. May God give you wisdom in this present time of yours.
That man is pretending. Don’t even think of accepting him back. He is not fit to be called a father. Someone that refused u nd ur daughter into his car.
The man is nothing but after your success…..A heartless man that can’t allow his wife and baby into his car and also punch his wife at any little thing??My dear watch it…Just ask God for forgiveness for cheating on him….and move on with your life because there is no TRUE love….
Please be wise. He doesn’t want you or your kids but you are a means to an end ,which is leaving the country. He will use you, you will file for him to come over and the cycle will continue. If you are lucky, he will disappear and never turn up except when he is so broke. Please you worked too hard and suffered too much to be a meal ticket. Your kids are better off without him. If they are old enough then sit them down and explain what a deadbeat father he is.