Dear MIM: How Do I Get This Controlling & Nosy In-Law Off My Back?

My husband and I are from the same town. He lost his mother when he was 3 months old and is her only child. He is his father’s first child and has step siblings, so, his dad’s younger sister took him to stay with her. This woman doesn’t have a dime in his education, as she always made sure his dad paid his bills. She was my PHE teacher in secondary school and was quite controlling. Unfortunately, she only got worse as she aged.

When I met hubby, I discovered she was in total control of his life. She dictated whatever she wanted and hubby had to follow. She was always sending him errands anyhow. He didn’t seem comfortable with it but just didn’t want to offend her. I didn’t complain about it to hubby either.

After we got married, she still wanted to be in charge of our marriage. She always asked if hubby and I do not fight because I have learned never to discuss my marital issues with anyone. She authoritatively said we should start attending her church (C&S). I agreed but hubby declined and she was so angry. She forced me to attend and I had to about 5 times because I didn’t want to join issues with her before hubby finally stopped me. Meanwhile, prior to that, precisely after I gave birth, I overheard her telling someone that by fire by force, I would join her church, that I cannot be dictating to her.

In addition, when hubby said he wanted a low-key naming ceremony, this woman declined. She called my father-in-law not to come and then lied against my parents that they were the ones that asked my hubby to disobey her. Her children subsequently insulted my parents and I. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I insulted her children too. She then went to my father-in-law and lied that I sent rude messages to her but she couldn’t present them, saying that she already deleted the messages. That almost turned my father-in-law against me.

Since I got married to hubby, his father has never poke nose into our affairs but this woman wants to know what we do, how we do them and where we go. She wanted to put crosses on my baby’s neck and hand but hubby declined. She wanted her pastor to be in charge of our naming but hubby also declined. Hubby said if he hadn’t taken that decision not to do the naming her way, I would have had a big problem in our marriage forever. He refused to explain further.

Since then, she refused to pick hubby and I’s calls. She tells everyone who cares to listen that I’m the one controlling my husband simply because hubby has decided to be a man and stop being her boy. She saw my parents and didn’t greet them, even when they greeted her.

My concern now is that it’s seven months now but she won’t stop speaking evil of hubby and I to everyone. We get calls every day from different people about this woman’s false accusations against me but hubby is solidly behind me in this. He said he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her for now, that he wants to enjoy his family and marriage. Hubby said he cannot allow her to control his marriage the way she controls other people’s home.

Please how can I correct the wrong impression she has given everyone about me? How do I get her off our backs? She lied to hubby’s step-siblings and they all stopped talking to me. My father-in-law doesn’t even know she’s still fighting us because she lied to him that she has settled with us. What amazes me is that this woman is an evangelist in her church. She’s a church minister. She left her matrimonial home few months ago because she cannot bring herself to devote time to her husband. Rather, she interferes in other people’s marriages. Surprisingly, every member of her church feels she a saint. What should I do?