Dear MIMsters: What Would You Do If You Had A Family Like Mine?
I am a 30-year-old graduate in a relationship with a 36-year-old guy who sincerely wants to get married to me. However, my family is a bone of contention as they want me to go abroad for my Masters which is likely to take 3 years before completion. They don’t want me to do anything apart from praying to travel abroad.
Although I’m still searching for job, since the travelling abroad process started, I haven’t been myself. I have been having issues with my brother who is over there and sponsoring my travelling. He says that I’m not serious about improving my life because I have a fiancé here in Nigeria and my fiancé is not encouraging me to be serious either but sincerely, I have fasted and prayed about my travelling, even got ulcer in the process of it all. I have gone to see true pastors as well, still my family won’t allow me rest or do anything else.
My mind is unsettled. I can’t even engage myself well in the vocational training I ventured in recently – I’m not just myself with all the unnecessary challenges I find myself dealing with because of the pressure.
My fiancé is working and comfortable – he may not even wait for me if I travel – but my family members think my success in life is tied to travelling abroad and marriage can wait. My brother sees Nigeria as a country no one can make it in it, and says that abroad, all is greener and pleasant.
Any slight thing I say or do is interpreted as not being serious because of my fiancé. They usually come up with unnecessary issues to castigate me. I’m losing my balance! I have been to the embassy twice and was denied the visa, yet, my brother insists I should go for another appointment.
Is it wrong to get married and continue pursuing travelling abroad? What do I do to make them reason with me?
What I will give to be in your shoes right now. You are lucky to have such a loving and supportive family. I don’t see anything wrong with what they have said. What makes you think it will be easy to pursue a masters abroad after marriage? I plan to pursue a masters abroad myself but my family wants me to get married and I am not having any of it. Please come let’s switch, you have mine, I have yours.
at 30 dey dont want you to marry???does marriage stop people from achieving their dreams
Hmm dear. This is a dilemma. But one thing I know is you become the happiest the moment you start deciding what is good for yourself. You are a grown woman and should make your decisions. I strongly believe you can make it in your own country. Just relax and get counsel from a well educated and elderly person with a broad mind. But personally if the guy is good as you say then you can marry. This your travel is not yielding any results and time is going. But there is one thing I would say. Acknowledge God and he would direct your steps and stick to it. Because believe me nobody knows what is good for you apart from God and any decision you are taking due to pressure would not help and when there are consequences, you would bear them alone. All those people would say is Ooooo. Sorry Ooooo. We did not know it would be like this. I have always said I would rather want to say had I listened than to say If i had known I would have not let people tell me what to do. My dear that is the most unwise thing to do. Prayerfully stick to counsel. What do we want with this abroad issue. I am a lady of 31 years. My relatives are broad. I wanted to make it my own and was never keen to travel. I got a job and finally in four years I can at least boast of two plots of land that would finish paying soon. It’s not much but I know with determination I can make it. There are people who have travelled to do PhD and are still jobless. Having said all I say with all confidence that prosperity is not from abroad but from above. Follow God’s leading and it would be well with you.
Aaaaaaa. I just checked your age. At thirty you still allow pressure from family when you are old enough. Abeg do not let anyone reason for you with all these unnecessary fasting you are doing.
To pursue Masters is not a bad idea. I’ve not heard of a Masters program that takes 3 years except in Nigeria. In developed countries it’s done within a year. Please don’t get married without having a job or a business. I know Masters is not a guarantee that you’ll have a job immediately. But it will boost your CV while you search for a job in your husband’s house. I wish I had done my masters before marriage.
Even if you ain’t going abroad right away, go and get a job and build up your life. Marriage is good but have something doing before you’re being taken for granted.
My dear u r old enough to take decisions Do not be pushed by anybody Follow ur heart
Hi, i am a single mom of 2. i recently got involved with another man and i think we are in love. he is a good guy but the problem is our sex life. his performance is not good and sometimes he avoid us meeting because of the sex issue. we love each other , the only problem is sex and sometimes i wish things were different. what will you do if you were in my shoes?